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its Topsy Kretts
You will never be happier than a girl who just discovered her dress has pockets.
If you don't know me by now....I'm a really good stalker.
Just completed a 1.85 mi run with @RunKeeper. Check it out! rnkpr.com/a7b2cj0 #RunKeeper
I've only grown two feet in my life. I'll show myself out....
I just earned the 'Night Out' badge on @untappd! untpd.it/s/b25672052
Wow this is an awesome beer. Wish it wasn't limited edition.... (Mosaic Promise) untpd.it/s/c116848450 #photo
Jokes on you, hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station's phone number I just won Disney on Ice tickets and a golf umbrella.
Just completed a 5.32 mi run with @RunKeeper. Check it out! rnkpr.com/a794hk2 #RunKeeper
Ate a big healthy salad for lunch, so OBVIOUSLY I'm having an entire pack of Oreos for dessert. It's all about balance.
..."the later I get here, the quicker this ends" isn't the appropriate answer when your boss asks why you're late
Ladies: be careful out there. Some guys are just in it to get married and have a family with you. Don't be taken advantage of.
Interviewer: How would you describe yourself? Me: Very responsible. Interviewer: Great, let me have your résumé. Me: I forgot it.
Just completed a 2.45 mi run with @RunKeeper. Check it out! rnkpr.com/a7347sn #RunKeeper
A woman asked me for my phone number today and it felt pretty good. Sure it was when I was ordering pizza, but it still counts.
Never forget that we live in a world in which it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract.
Pretty proud of myself, I got a lot of procrastinating done today
I'm so thankful I found Jesus... He makes the best burritos.
Just completed a 5.16 mi run with @RunKeeper. Check it out! rnkpr.com/a70rh0k #RunKeeper
Got this new calorie counting app. Each day I go for a new high score.
Just completed a 2.46 mi run with @RunKeeper. Check it out! rnkpr.com/a6z6uhk #RunKeeper
Just completed a 4.15 mi run with @RunKeeper. Check it out! rnkpr.com/a6xc4vw #RunKeeper
If I was told to pick one word to describe myself, I'd go with ” doesn't pay attention to instructions.”
This stuff is good. I like my stouts too. I'd drink again. - Drinking an Imperial Stout by @foundersbrewing - untpd.it/s/c108644174
Just completed a 5.46 mi run with @RunKeeper. Check it out! rnkpr.com/a6ujqqd #RunKeeper
When someone says "The last thing I'd want to do is hurt you", I'm wondering why they have a list of things to do that includes hurting me.
Just completed a 5.14 mi run with @RunKeeper. Check it out! rnkpr.com/a6qdtca #RunKeeper
Just completed a run in 0:00 with @RunKeeper. Check it out! rnkpr.com/a6q8mpy #RunKeeper
The cashier at Dairy Queen is so cute, saying "Have a nice weekend," like I won't be back tomorrow. Or later today
Just completed a 4.15 mi run - Today went great. Only 1 stop today. Knee was starting to tighten up ... rnkpr.com/a6otucg #RunKeeper
Just completed a run in 0:00 with @RunKeeper. Check it out! rnkpr.com/a6otb4b #RunKeeper
Just completed a 2.53 mi run - Quick jog. Now to 'run' to work... rnkpr.com/a6nhpuw #RunKeeper
Just completed a 5.52 mi run - Went pretty well tonight. Lil bit of pain, but that's everyday. Wanna ... rnkpr.com/a6jopxr #RunKeeper
Just completed a 0.64 mi run with @RunKeeper. Check it out! rnkpr.com/a6jo876 #RunKeeper
Just completed a 1.34 mi run with @RunKeeper. Check it out! rnkpr.com/a6jd1mz #RunKeeper
Just completed a 5.56 mi run with @RunKeeper. Check it out! rnkpr.com/a6hbbq2 #RunKeeper
Just completed a 2.54 mi run - Real quick sprint before work. I'll make up for it tomorrow. rnkpr.com/a6aw18l #RunKeeper
Just completed a 4.26 mi run - Ist time running with the weight vest. Only at night from now on. The ... rnkpr.com/a68l2oz #RunKeeper
#FathersDay is a special day in a NBA player's life when he reflects on his 9 kids while getting a beej from an 18-year old named Sin-A-Bun
Just completed a 3.15 mi run - Today was a speed workout of light poles. Sprint 5,walk 5. Of course ... rnkpr.com/a66al7j #RunKeeper
Just completed a 5.38 mi run - Looking ugly. But someone has to put in the hard work. rnkpr.com/a65ywio #RunKeeper
People in love use phrases like "takes my breath away" and "swept me off my feet". I think they're confusing love with attempted murder.
Hey there lady at #WalMart, you either need shorter titties or a longer shirt.
Why is everyone saying 4/20, 1/5 is the proper fraction.
Fact: Cadbury Creme eggs are filled with genuine rabbit semen. #HAPPYCHOCOLATEDAY 
So you will suck a dick but won't drink tap water? #ThatsIronic
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping FUCK YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
The #AwkwardMoment when 2 pedophiles talk to each other on Facebook pretending to be kids, & meet up somewhere
"Don't kid yourself" would be a great slogan for a condom company.
According to this restraining order it is NOT appropriate to say "I know" and wink when the HR lady says "I ... tmi.me/1dT6G5