Starbucks barista: slim shady?
[everyone stands up]
Starbucks barista: the REAL slim shady
[everyone sits down except me]
"I served for 22 years. Brave? Yes, we all were. I wouldn't have had the balls to renounce my gender nationally like that, though."
When she hits you with that "what are we?" You got to hit her with that "we. are. farmers. Bumbadabumbumbumbumbum"
So I'm doing my little brother's history project for him what do you guys think? pic.twitter.com/NNf4rm7Jdl
RETWEET MY PICTURE PLEASE!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/xgSEACRUG4
There's no code of ethics out here, anyone will take shots at you. Yeah.
This is why my parents hate me. pic.twitter.com/Wo61JDJwkB
So go girls check out guys butts too, orrrr...?
First elevator experience: young couple walks in, doors close. Doors open, old couple walks out. Thought it was some kind of old-ifyer.
When you're fresh out the womb and already tired of everyone's shit. pic.twitter.com/Re9dt6Rv8o
Every 4 years Pizza Hut comes out with a square pizza and tries to pretend like it's a new idea every time.
What's helped me recently is treating everyone like it's the last time I'd see them. Unfortunately, some people wouldn't care if it was.
My dorm is empty and it's so nostalgic. There's people that moved me in and spent lots of time here that I'm not even friends with anymore.
It's been a year full of exceptional plays from Steph Curry. Let's take a look back at some of the best.
So I noticed something interesting... Every judge rated the red corner as the unanimous winner. #PacquiaoMayweather pic.twitter.com/YoXjDX68Jk
When Floyd was letting Pac hit him against the ropes and telling him "nope" I realized how pointless that fight was and how foolish I was
You need to start recording those AB's boy. twitter.com/hairfielddylan…
REASONS WHY MANNY PACQUIAO WILL ALWAYS BE A CHAMPION IN MY HEART pic.twitter.com/XorkR2RXS6
Basically I'm just a terrible person. pic.twitter.com/vXFN4QqfFe
Don't thank Me, Floyd. Thank Satan, your Lord and Savior, you fucking bastard.
Congrats to Jameis on the being the 1st overall pick...but he still can't beat me at pop a shot!! pic.twitter.com/GF1VrdcC3n
After an entire year of independent research I have finally extracted the exact strand of DNA I was looking for. Phase 1 complete 🙌🏼
At birth, every American is granted the opportunity of choice. 3 black men. 3 very different positions. pic.twitter.com/EexX8RWeHY
, the whole world is laughing at you.
This man knows what he is talking about #BaltimoreRiots
When your throwing partner goes 100% from 45 feet away pic.twitter.com/atrldtPB5U
(types of nuts)
I'm dead ass running for president in 2016.
Everybody looks at me strange, and says I changed. Like I worked that hard to stay exactly the same.
For Christmas in 2000 my dad got me an ostrich egg for some reason pic.twitter.com/REAd4OsnqP
: what are y'all up to today?” Not going to prison, so that's cool. Wbu?
Oh how far he came. Spent last year with people he no longer messed with. Just in time to picture better days for the record.
In memory of BPG & in honor of his 20th @celina_bobeena
kilian_hall @iluvheidelberg @that1italiankid
Happy Birthday Bryan Paolo 👼🏼 We all miss you so muchpic.twitter.com/dbzMwZklNY
Captain Hindsight wanted me to tell you not to drink and stay out until 2 when you have to be up at 5.
"Ooh look at me I'm Dylan and I'm having so much fun" hmd. twitter.com/jamcfee/status…
I have fans apparently but they're more famous than me pic.twitter.com/7fOz0OQol3
Promposals are the stupidest thing ever.
: fml @itsthatjohnguy
” You know how that shit go
Was sneak dissed on Instagram for the first time yesterday
: I cannot wait till Thursday 😍” shut up
I hope the zipper on your jacket gets stuck, and your headphones are too short, and your charger won't work.
I just want a relationship like the one Kanye has with himself.