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Shut up, John.
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Dear African Americans: I found the 'chill' you've been looking for all year.
Hey .@MercerYou your revenue generating parking ticket writers are parked illegally. Are they gonna get ticketed?
Retweeted by Shut up, John.
What if you loved someone very much and then you found out they were an lol'er instead of a haha'er...?
I don't understand how 'thot' 'bae' & 'turnt' are well understood by you guys, yet you don't know what's up with 'their' 'there' & 'they're'
When the church asked Michelangelo to paint for them.
@Funny_Truth: These perfectly fluffy pancakes” These pancakes are more attractive than me...
I'm breathing like I'm morbidly obese but all I'm doing is walking up the stairs eating Wheat Thins.
no I said I'd love you *faux ever
I have a paper due tomorrow and I'm just like:
@FemalePains: never underestimate a woman” These are all movie characters. Movie. Characters.
I'm not a half ass type, you either have all of me, or none of me. it's that simple, I don't play games.
Retweeted by Shut up, John.
Why you don't room with random people in college.
One of my friendgirls got stood up by her douchebag date on Valentine's Day. I sent her this.
New York City goes 11 days without a homicide, setting modern record.
Retweeted by Shut up, John.
When she says "go deeper" but you're all out of poems <<<
Feel like every girls middle name is Marie or Leigh or Lynn
Retweeted by Shut up, John.
You're a 5-star douche if you ever crap on someone else's beliefs because they're different than yours.
When people say Kanye is going to make Paul McCartney famous.
When someone says they don't like The Beetles.
@HairfieldDylan: I've yet to have a female friend that doesn't think my brothers hot” It's genetics! Remember, I used to be ugly. Like u 😘
Basically every time mom wants to take a serious picture. @HairfieldDylan
Every class has an anal kid. They sit towards the front and make remarks like "nice of you to join us" as I walk in 34 seconds late.
Obvious Americans in this Italian class trying to say words.
Her personality, ideals, and morals are going to raise your kids, not 'ha looks' or 'tha booty bruh'.
We end our days up on the roof Theres nothing like this type of view But then i always act a fool Like, do they sew wings on tailored suits?
My parents didn't buy me everything I wanted growing up, they took me places; I experienced the world. That has been all the difference.
If I die before I wake I pray my family name be great That I know no foes, and my friends will cry Not over my body, but how I lived my life
What if you loved someone and then you found out they pronounced it "eckspecially"
Retweeted by Shut up, John.
How hard you rap along to @BigSean song "IDFWU" is directly proportional to the level of hurt you experienced in your last relationship.
I could tell you guys a crazy story about this morning rn but literally nobody would believe it anyways 👲
His palms are sweaty, knees weak; arms are heavy, there's vomit on his sweater already WebMD: Ebola
I just watched the interview. I now know why the rest of the world absolutely hates us.
Well, just spent over two hours in Applebee's waiting on various foods like it doesn't take 45 seconds to heat up potatoes in a microwave.
i don't wish you the best because i'm the best, but i wish you well. *kanyeshrug*
@Chickensalad222: My only New Years resolution is to not get uglier.” Me 2
Ohio State is the "I am an average looking human being" capital of college.
Devin Smith looks like Colin Kaepernick with a great nose and a terrible hairline.
Mother unit just sent me this tomfoolery....
Me: I love Mathew McConahay Dad: I hate him. He's an ass. Me: His voice is like a gentle waterfall. Dad: A waterfall on your head. Of urine.
Well. If the first thirty-five minutes are any indication of how 2015 will be, it's going to be a good ass year 😂🔥
Maybe Ol' Miss should just leave now...