Please upgrade your browser to make full use of twiends.   chrome   firefox   ie   safari  
Who was the best slut in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that slut swallowed balls till she died.
When you were a kid, "I'm going to tell your mom" was the scariest sentence ever..
☐ Single. ☐ Taken. ☑ Married to food.
*looking at my old pictures* me: me: me: me: me: me: me: Did I seriously look like this? how come no one told me?
I like your makeup! No, just kidding, it looks like you got gangbanged by Crayola.
Who invented hugs? I mean the first hug would have been so awkward. "What are you doing? Why are you holding me??" "Shhh just trust me"
When you hear a recording of your voice and you wonder how you have any friends
roses are red violets are blue sunflowers are yellow i bet you were expecting something romantic but no this is just gardening facts
Girls who say, "a lot of guys are after me", should keep in mind that low prices always attract many customers.
If I text a person in the same room as me, I stare at them till they get it.
*texts back 3 weeks later* sorry I fell asleep
Do you ever just stare at really attractive people and think “how”
(•_•) <) )╯all the single ladies / \ (•_•) \( (> all the single ladies / (•_•) <) )╯oh oh oh / \
My voice is all soft when I talk to strangers but when I’m with friends I turn into Morgan Freeman.
That awkward moment when you remember something funny & start smiling like an idiot, & everyone stares at you wondering why you're smiling.
my biggest fear is falling and dying in the shower and my family finding me naked
How I flirt: *Stares from a distance*
when 10 year olds have been in more relationships than you