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Started off this year with the goal to lose 5 pounds, only 15 more to go💪🏻...
I overslept and didn't get to go to the gym, that's three years in a row now. I'll try again tomorrow
meet Diesel and Bear 💪🏻�Q4IO
Chinese takeout: $10.55.
Gas to get there and back: $4.14.
Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
The blood that you donated could be in someone's boner right now
That awkward moment when you're in the bathroom stall and you make eye contact with the person checking to see if the stall is empty
So I wore a red shirt and khakis to Target today, long story short, I'm pretty sure I was promoted to assistant manager
Ladies call me Subway because I've got low quality meat and lie about being 6 inches
You know The #Struggle
He's Back!!!! #undertaker #brocklesnar #borklaser
When you see a text from your ex
The older I get, the more I understand squidwards frustration
Never make permanent decisions based off of temporary feelings
My new @nintendo #3DSXL added to the #Nintendo family
It takes nothing away from a human to be kind to an animal
It's the possibility of dreams coming true that make life interesting
My girlfriend doesn't know, but I put a dollar in an envelope when we have sex, that's Christmas money, so far she's getting is a McChicken
When My mom gives me a list of chores
When life's got you down just think about the kid who got cut from the basketball team in Air Bud to make room for a golden retriever
I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down, in my shoe, my sock is falling off
When I get married, I'm inviting all of my exes to the wedding. I want them sitting all in the front row so I can thank yall for fucking up
I just passed my drug test, my dealer has some explaining to do...
*Arranges room around phone charger*
Dude looking at coach Scott like he just got that smack to back of head outta no where. Lol
Smh stop taking pictures like these! We get it, you vape
When I see babe
I talk a lot of shit to my girl, so we can play fight that leads to rough sex
I love this place, but I hate this city
Girls like guys with veins
R.I.P. Mr Satoru Iwata you brought many smiles to our faces Direct from @nintendo we all grew up w a #Nintendo one way or another. The world and #Gaming community & our childhood has lost a great one. #ripowatasan #ripiwata
When I'm in a group of people talking and no one is listening to me
If you think I'm ignoring you, I am. My phone is in my hand 24/7 💅🏻
So this is going on here lol.. Messy guest room lol #Gaming #Retro #nintendo #sega
Out of My Collection Sonic Spinball .. Sega Genesis. #Sega #Genesis #Sonic #Spinball #MegaDrive #SonicTheHedgehog
Let today be the day you harness your will, and move into your own personal greatness
When someone tells a really shitty joke
What porn taught me😂B
Just thought I'd let you know this made my day. bless you, may all your children be born naked 😭�twitter.com/beckerbitch/st…
When I hear these songs I just: 😭😂coY