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Please don't tell me I'm bitter about being single when I literally have hair ties that are stronger than your sad ass relationship
I deserve an Oscar for acting surprised when someone tells me information I have already stalked from their social media.
Trying to tell someone your Twitter name becomes exponentially harder when it starts with 'it's'
I hate when they do club remixes of slow songs. Like I'm sorry but it's just feels wrong to throw my ass while Ed Sheeran is crying.
I wish Instagram showed me who saw my picture but didn't like it so I know which of you bitches are fake
Share to save life
Some girls put on a full face of makeup everyday and I can barely put on mascara without poking myself in my eye at 7 am
"Did this bitch really just throw me in the air ?"
When you're wearing minimal makeup and someone says "Wow I love your makeup!"
Nah do uno what girls excuses for cheating are poor uno "I was in a bad place" LOOOL listen Syria is a bad place not your dads yard
Yuno when someone asks where you're from so you tell them and they're like 'that's far' OK but did I ask you to travel here
Fact: When you get ill at university, you don't ever get better, instead you just learn to accept this new lower standard of health
when I hear about what I did while drunk
Do you ever just
i think david cameron's strategy is "hire the most inappropriate person for this job and see who notices"
Treated myself to a luxury today! Now away to buy the essentials like a helicopter & cake decorations😊#tampontax
All these sunglasses and you're still acting shady
The best way to ask a girl out is to shave her name into your chest hair and Snapchat it to her parents x
when ur friends are dating trash people but you know you'll sound bitter if you try to tell them bc you're single.
when ur friend starts hanging out with someone new and you notice they're acting different
shoutout to those people who drop their friends for their girlfriend/boyfriend.. you guys really are dicks🖕🏼
Mum genuinely just doesn't like me. She prefers my friends. Look at the difference.
Adele could make a song calling me an ugly ass bitch and I'd be singing along like yes Adele you so right I'm an ugly ass bitch.
Women's deodorant scents: rose, cotton, spring, meadow
Men's: WINTER ICE, SHARKNADO, GLACIER PUNCH, ANTIFREEZE, GUN
First day of year 7 like
WALKED INTO THE LIVING ROOM AND ALMOST HAD A HEART ATTACK WHAT THE HELL IS MY DOG DOING
Do you ever get so drunk you just print out motivational words and hang them up on the wall. Apparently I did
Imagine your babes is the type to put "follow back?" On girls Instagram. I'd fall down and die.
Ed Sheeran always killing it
tryin to lowkey show someone you're interested
Pigs drink up to 14 gallons of water every day, but they still aren't as thirsty as some of you hoes.
When you unfollow me but I still get retweeted onto your TL
Could you be arsed to curl your hair every morning for UNI, its a no from me
Anything worse than ppl who nevER come out cos they're 'skint' ??? Wer all skint hun R u saving up for a trophy stating wot a BORING cow u r
MY PHONE IS INDESTRUCTIBLE MY PHONE IS INDESTRUCTIBLE
The problem with having ten people in your house is that when you order round of jagerbombs is that it costs £30 in a club
I wish there was an option to automatically retweet everything James Blunt tweets
Like your own statuses because you're funny as hell. Your friends need to feel intimidated by your confidence. #AndLikeThoseInstaPostsToo
'I'm a garlic bread' @jackafy
"You lucky this man holding me back. Next time you say my moms neck game crazy he won't be here to save yo ass"
lol at teens who think they're special for not caring about politics. keep on rting relatable tweets from the Dory account
The betrayal when you burn your mouth on pizza
When you told yourself you'll be more positive but life keeps trying you
Just met a guy. Omg. He was so handsome. Naturally fit. Caring. Emotional. Nice. And his name was the first letter of each sentence.