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Carl Denham
Person on #TwoTribes just guessed Tyrion Lannister was a character on Friends... "I'm guilty of being a dwarf!" 🎵 So no one told you life..
By 2020 Superhero movies will just be called 'Movies' and other films blanketed as 'Not Superhero Movies'
You might not have thought you wanted to hear a surf rock version of popcorn this morning but you do youtu.be/cmVx6tE7ijQ?t=…
My plan is to either get these email synced or scream "I can't get Jurassic Park back online" so loudly the office down the hall can hear it
Want to feel old? That baby you saw yesterday is now a mythical figure from a long-dead culture which historians contest the existence of.
Retweeted by Carl Denham
RT @RavingBoy sorry guys i’m gonna start using this sheet for my drawings as of now pic.twitter.com/YUvwf0LVpg
Retweeted by Carl Denham
Mother just laughed at the *animal shakes head because the human has done/said something embarrassing* joke
I'm really enjoying #PlagueInc but I'm slightly disappointed there aren't enough characters to name your plague Wrestlemania
I wonder if anyone casually brings up the time she betrayed Peter Pan and the Lost Boys, endangering their lives because she felt jealous?
Tinkerbell and her friends have to juggle adventures and saving pixie hollow with a dating subculture? Seems a little off
I always assumed kids show fairies were asexual beings that came from enchanted flowers or whatever
Why are there guy fairies in this Tinkerbell movie? I thought they were born from magic or something not fucking
My Bioweapon, called Butts, just wiped out the world in 637 days! #PlagueInc s.ndemiccreations.com/plague/i/c69fb…
Little known fact: The famous face of Captain Kirk was actually a Michael Myers mask, painted flesh tone. pic.twitter.com/XNqfNIU1TU
Retweeted by Carl Denham
Working on my new children's book. It's called 'Just because There Are No Monsters Under Your Bed Doesn't Mean You Shouldn't Be Scared'.
Retweeted by Carl Denham
This man says he can turn anyone into a sceptic. You won't believe what happens next!
Retweeted by Carl Denham
Nightmare idea: Hush episode of Buffy except the gentlemen are Ant and Dec
*walks into a New York apartment* OLD MAN: Who are you? Get out of here! ME(on phone to agent): That wasn't the set of Friends either
Scientists have discovered that snake venom is less poisonous than Jeremy Kyle
Mortdecai hasn't tweeted in a month. The person running the account doesn't have to do it anymore. They're free to not be Mortdecai now
Retweeted by Carl Denham
Well my birthday plans for Tuszyn are ruined pic.twitter.com/juhJU2UktB
Whoops Daily Express accidentally publishes article based on the opinion of the No Gurlz Allowed Treehouse Gang pic.twitter.com/ymS3Tq8xCl
US VERSION OF PREVIOUS JOKE [Martial art chef monk's Resume] I wok hard with a kendo attitude and consider myself a team prayer
[Martial art chef monk's CV] I wok hard with a kendo attitude and consider myself a team prayer
Add "Poltergeist" to dictionary? I told you phone, I ain't afraid of no ghost
@SmudgeDredd Maybe some skeptics like to compare Europe to Itchy & Scratchy Land on The Simpsons!
Retweeted by Carl Denham
My dad's outdated racist rant just cumulated with the statement "They should just shut down Europe". It's not a faulty theme park old man
7 Irish words that don't exist in English (via @dailyedge) jrnl.ie/1976712
Retweeted by Carl Denham
Last night I dreamt I went round @KermodeMovie's house, it was full of satyrs and his DVD player was broken. Don't think dreams mean much
Maybe I should get Facebook again, clearly I'm missing out on all the honeys
How am I sexy? Well Adriana you naughty spambot some say it's my eyes, some say it's my knowledge of Pokémon glitches pic.twitter.com/J0mKc3d4uW
The story and idea is the best bit rather than the chest-beating "That's what actually happened." That usually follows
I find conspiracy theories fun the same way I find urban legends and ghost stories fun.
Well actually they smuggled Kubrick onto a film set and blagged it blah blah Russia blah blah wind blah blah. Staaaaaap
Flying to the moon is a major accomplishment. Stick that one on the fridge mankind
It sadness me some people would rather believe we didn't land on the moon than believe we did.
I don't mind paying if it's the knees of a bee good
I've already got Forgotten Shores and my decks are horribly outclassed in Hearthstone at the moment
Anyone know any good free games on the kindle?
is this lake salt or fresh water "Take a look yourself" [lake is wearing a backwards hat that says HUSTLIN on it] oh wow definitely fresh
Retweeted by Carl Denham
#WorldBookDay As the day draws to a close the surviving books, bloody and torn return to the aether. Where they slumber until next year
I am enjoying Helen Keen's It is rocket science a lot. It's the history of rocketships with comedy thrown in. bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01…
#WorldBookDay We never dressed as characters from books in school. Possibly because Talk to Frank 'Frank' was an abstract omniscient being
I lost a follower. I guess making filthy jokes today was not good for my social media marketing campaign