Please upgrade your browser to make full use of twiends.   chrome   firefox   ie   safari  
Carl Denham
[starbucks] barista: name? guy: [is a secret agent & can't reveal real name so he looks around for ideas] my name is
Retweeted by Carl Denham
it’s not the 4th, but let’s get sparklers! they’re just like me: skinny, fun, disposable once i'm done bringing light & beauty to your life
Retweeted by Carl Denham
Here's my video of lyfe hax to get you through today
Retweeted by Carl Denham
All hail the immortal being @GordonRamsay. Feed his never-ending hunger
"No copyright infringement intended" sure, like "Borrowing without asking" or "I'm not racist but..."
On this day in 1988, the film Willow was released in theaters. #80s
Retweeted by Carl Denham
sorry white america, being "stereotyped" for being in a sorority/fraternity isn't oppression
Retweeted by Carl Denham
This new series of Game of Thrones feels a lot like fan fiction and then I remember, it is
I think making a Mouse Trap vs Stuart Little mashup would be a valuable use of someone's time
HOT DATE: Tell me about yourself ME: I like to listen to swing music while I poop
I wish I just slept at inns, then I'd never have to unpack. Sadly I can't keep my real life items in a magical inventory
This 'article' really really wants you to laugh at this kid but he should be hailed as a hero…
*Jerry packs his desk and walks straight into Shwings* JERRY: Aah, I could be at home here
Judging by when I'm sneezing I think I'm allergic to afternoons
VEVO Boardroom Board: We don't see what your problem is Jerry J: Well, aren't we just a little... erm... unnecessary? B: Get out
Got an email from a Duncan Jones today, sadly it was from someone regarding work compliance rather than movies @ManMadeMoon
YOUNG JESUS: Make a potato with pretzel rods for legs GOD: Okay YOUNG JESUS: *from other room* GIVE IT FANGS TOO
Retweeted by Carl Denham
Dear @Schwarzenegger Your Twitter profile says you killed Predator. You didn't. You immobilised him & he self destructed. Please amend.
Retweeted by Carl Denham
Mother thought Groot was called Root, in her defence he only says his name about a hundred times throughout the film
Hope this season has a post-credit scene that's just Gendry still rowing about whistling the theme tune
I hope next week's Thrones opens with Rickon, Osha, Nymeria, and Theon's sister falling off a cliff so I can stop worrying where they are
Retweeted by Carl Denham
All to the tune of Still Dre
I can only assume book Ser Barristan will plow through them all like the end of Kill Bill Vol1, slay the dragons and transcend realms
The Barristan of reputation would have cut through them like cake. Skinny dickless with his spear did better.
5 Seasons I've been waiting to see the legendary Ser Barristan fight and that was it? Knifed by amateurs with no peripheral vision
Next tweets will feature spoilers for Game of Thrones so go make a cup of coffee or phone a loved one if you care about that sort of thing.
I'm convinced Mike Tyson would be a great stand-up comedian…
Oh cool, I've made a neat 7,000 tweets... oh... never mind
Researching. Apparently the answer is none but that doesn't feel right ...
Retweeted by Carl Denham
There are people that have been born and now have jobs in the time that the simpsons has been rubbish
Retweeted by Carl Denham
I feel like Brock became a rock pokemon guy the way someone with the last name Schmocter gets awkwardly teased into becoming a doctor
Retweeted by Carl Denham
A baby grabbed my beard. Now my beard is bleeding
Losing sleep over the fact that goodnight is one word but good morning is two
The Jem and the Holograms trailer looks like an unfaithful Hollywood adaptation of a much loved cartoon from your childhood. Shock horror
The Munsters Theme > The Addams Family Theme
The Munsters > The Addams Family

Twitter Sign-in
We are going to send you to Twitter to authorize twiends.
Please note that we never tweet or follow people without your permission.