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I just want, like, a really nice guy who has, you know, like a job... and the missing half of this golden amulet.
My wife, shes carrying our first child…he’s 8, the lazy little fucker!
[test] My horse went to donate glue the other day But his shergar levels were too high . howler.co/joke/133
Mum's buy jewellery made from breast milk in latest trend for baby momentos, Keepshakes.
Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off.
We love a good pun which means we love #GBBO
It starts tonight, so why not write a delicious punchline to this joke? howler.co/setup/443
UK students are getting their exam results today McDonalds is bracing itself for a sudden influx of applications.
'Police managed to reunite a Jack Russell with it's owner 7 years after it was stolen…'
I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word "dictionary", and it said "you're an asshole".
Look at all these jokes that need finishing.
Why are old maps always burnt?
'Giant 40ft inflatable MINION rolls down city street forcing shocked drivers to swerve out of the way...’
I mix my water myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody.
Good luck to all the kids getting their #examresults
today. If you did bad just laugh it off, and finish this joke? howler.co/setup/437
Write a punchline!
'Husband admits he's 'ready' to send mother of his children to Mars on one-way ticket…'
- What was it Father Jack used to say about the needy? He had a term for them.
- Shower of bastards.
Father Ted & Father Dougal, Father Ted
‘SF or Bust’ is the painful truth. twitter.com/lkbhndyou_ha/s…
Snooker is just chess with balls.
Too much for a joke?
Hitchhiking robot is found Decapitated in Philadelphia just 300 miles into its journey…
Hilary Clinton said David Cameron was "unsure, inexperienced, oblique and largely uncommitted". Worst E-Harmony feedback ever!
My husband I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
Time for another chucklesome week. Can you finish this bizarre setup? howler.co/setup/429
I was once in a band called The Junior Elastics. We were a boy band.
Life is like a bucket of chicken No matter how much you wing it, there's always some cock getting in your face.
I was once in a band called Apathy, but no one really cared.
My horse went to donate glue the other day But his shergar levels were too high.
🐴 Yay or Neigh? 🐴
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? You really shouldn't pry, mate.
🙊 RT if you get it! 🙊
Morning! Some of our users best jokes coming up! As voted on by our community...
Have you joined our great big joke party yet? It’s so much lols.
That's for all the RTs today! Loving your work. 👍👍👊
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Add a punchline!
'Scientists have discovered the perfect breast shape…'
A mammoth has just turned up on my doorstep looking for dadmoth.
Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.
Thank God for Darwin, eh?
Top Gear's Clarkson, Hammond and May making show for Amazon, ironically it's a shame they've past their Prime.
Write a joke!
'Top Gear's Clarkson, Hammond and May making show for Amazon…'
Look at these jokers.
Roses are red, violets are blue, God created us in his image and then he made you.
Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'
🎉Joke #3000 🎉
I'm learning to do magic but I'm not very good yet. I like to keep my cards close to my chest.@thecordialdevil
You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.
I think if you get kicked in the face you deserved it because that means that you watched the foot come to your face.
I said to my friend, "You'll never make a living selling voice boxes for Lions", and how wrong I was. He ended up doing a roaring trade.
We’re so close to joke #3000!
Can we do it today? join in, write something funny!
Nostalgia is heroin for old people.
Dara O Briain
Giving up our vices 'aint easy, but can you finish this habit breaking joke? howler.co/setup/413