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I just want, like, a really nice guy who has, you know, like a job... and the missing half of this golden amulet. Maria Bamford
My wife, shes carrying our first child…he’s 8, the lazy little fucker! Lee Mack
[test] My horse went to donate glue the other day But his shergar levels were too high .
Mum's buy jewellery made from breast milk in latest trend for baby momentos, Keepshakes. Eww. 😂@CraigHosie11
Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off. Ellen DeGeneres
We love a good pun which means we love #GBBO It starts tonight, so why not write a delicious punchline to this joke?
UK students are getting their exam results today McDonalds is bracing itself for a sudden influx of applications.
Punchlines please! 'Police managed to reunite a Jack Russell with it's owner 7 years after it was stolen…'
I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word "dictionary", and it said "you're an asshole". Demetri Martin
Look at all these jokes that need finishing. Get involved!
Why are old maps always burnt? Chelsea Peretti
Joke time 'Giant 40ft inflatable MINION rolls down city street forcing shocked drivers to swerve out of the way...’
I mix my water myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody. Steven Wright
Good luck to all the kids getting their #examresults today. If you did bad just laugh it off, and finish this joke?
Write a punchline! 'Husband admits he's 'ready' to send mother of his children to Mars on one-way ticket…'
- What was it Father Jack used to say about the needy? He had a term for them. - Shower of bastards. Father Ted & Father Dougal, Father Ted
‘SF or Bust’ is the painful truth.…
Snooker is just chess with balls. Clive James
Too much for a joke? Hitchhiking robot is found Decapitated in Philadelphia just 300 miles into its journey…
Hilary Clinton said David Cameron was "unsure, inexperienced, oblique and largely uncommitted". Worst E-Harmony feedback ever! 😂@IanSearlee
My husband I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. Rita Rudner
Time for another chucklesome week. Can you finish this bizarre setup?
I was once in a band called The Junior Elastics. We were a boy band. 😂
Life is like a bucket of chicken No matter how much you wing it, there's always some cock getting in your face. 🐔
I was once in a band called Apathy, but no one really cared. 😵
My horse went to donate glue the other day But his shergar levels were too high. 🐴 Yay or Neigh? 🐴
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? You really shouldn't pry, mate. 🙊 RT if you get it! 🙊
Morning! Some of our users best jokes coming up! As voted on by our community...
Have you joined our great big joke party yet? It’s so much lols.
That's for all the RTs today! Loving your work. 👍👍👊
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. Demetri Martin
Add a punchline! 'Scientists have discovered the perfect breast shape…'
A mammoth has just turned up on my doorstep looking for dadmoth. 😃😜😂
Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty. Kristen Schaal
Thank God for Darwin, eh? Bill Bailey
Top Gear's Clarkson, Hammond and May making show for Amazon, ironically it's a shame they've past their Prime. 🙏
Write a joke! 'Top Gear's Clarkson, Hammond and May making show for Amazon…'
Roses are red, violets are blue, God created us in his image and then he made you. 🙏@yashsomeraa
Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?' Amy Schumer
🎉Joke #3000 🎉 I'm learning to do magic but I'm not very good yet. I like to keep my cards close to my chest.@thecordialdevilil 👏👏
You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer. Robin Williams
I think if you get kicked in the face you deserved it because that means that you watched the foot come to your face. Kevin Hart
I said to my friend, "You'll never make a living selling voice boxes for Lions", and how wrong I was. He ended up doing a roaring trade. 👏
We’re so close to joke #3000! Can we do it today? join in, write something funny!
Nostalgia is heroin for old people. Dara O Briain
Giving up our vices 'aint easy, but can you finish this habit breaking joke?

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