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Homer J. Simpson
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Hey, @DocJuliusHibbert -- your Fantasy Team's offense is as weak as my aorta. And you KNOW that's weak! #TrashTalkMaster
.@RealLennyLenford -- your Fantasy Football Team is not performing as well as mine. #TrashTalkMaster
It's Rocktober! 31 whole days of eating like Fred Flinstone -- bring on the 9-foot slabs of Bronto Ribs!
There are 4 baseball playoff games today. Woo hoo! That's 4 times as many chances to complain about how slow and boring the game is!
Today's the big crossover. I'm gonna start pouring beer on my cereal and pancake battering up my orange juice.
Ah, College Football Saturday. A whole day of sitting around and watching unpaid kids ruin their knees for a degree in Communications.
I know what I'll be doing at 8 PM Sunday! Waking up from my Saturday afternoon sleep off of Friday night.
I'm changing my name to 2IMP2ON out of #RE2PECT for @Derek_Jeter_2. And becau2e I mi2took the "e22" key for candy and 2wallowed it.
Ah, fall is here. The nights are turning cooler, leaves are turning colors and Borders Books are turning into Halloween Stores.
The new TV season is here! I'm excited to watch that new show about how the great comic book supervillains got their start: "The Roosevelts"
But is 14 hours long enough to cover the Rams' "Fearsome Foursome" AND "The Incredible Two-Headed Transplant"?
I can't wait to see that new Ken Burns 14 hour documentary about Rosie Grier! #DVRWORKINGOVERTIME
I'm watching the vote on Scottish Independence carefully. The outcome could limit my access to Butterscotch sundae topping.
Please pay attention to the political views of the angry janitor at my kids’ school.
Bart changed the letters from "Beethoven Piano Concertos"! Suck it, Culture!
It's obvious! They all got the notion... to do the Bartman! (tweet written by Bart) #SimpsonsTakeTheBowl
These people seem to be rehearsing the next phase of some kind of craze in a rock-like motion. #SimpsonsTakeTheBowl
50 years ago the Beatles played @HollywoodBowl. Last night a spider crawled up my nose and laid eggs. Ah, LA. #SimpsonsTakeTheBowl
Show's not til Friday but the Simpsons refuse to leave! We hid under a bench in the last row. #SimpsonsTakeTheBowl
I have a hunch these gals are going to be dancing hot dogs. And I'm NEVER wrong about hot dogs. #SimpsonsTakeTheBowl
It took all day and night doing 90 on one burrito and two cases of Buzz Cola but we finally made it to @HollywoodBowl! #SimpsonsTakeTheBowl
Turned the car around and gonna drive straight through to LA and @HollywoodBowl. Help me, snorted coffee beans! #SimpsonsTakeTheBowl
.@HollywoodBowl here we are! As we ride the freeway into town I can just make out LA's majestic Washington Monument. #SimpsonsTakeTheBowl
We're driving to LA for @HollywoodBowl and we're taking our first rest stop in 9 hours. Time for another marathon! #SimpsonsTakeTheBowl
What?! They'll all be @HollywoodBowl too? AND @realjonlovitz AND @imbevdangelo?! This TV show self-back-pat just got interesting.
We're playing "Name Your Favorite @HollywoodBowl Conductor" on our car trip 2 LA. Lisa sez Dudamel, I say Sideshow Mel. #SimpsonsTakeTheBowl
The 1st @HollywoodBowl show is 9/12, but I'm giving us a week to reach LA to factor in the inevitable Bart stranglings. #SimpsonsTakeTheBowl
I'm driving the whole family from Springfield to LA for three nights of shows at the @HollywoodBowl! #SimpsonsTakeTheBowl
Lisa's going to @HollywoodBowl for music, Marge for "culture", Bart to steal seat cushions. Me? They had me at "bowl". #SimpsonsTakeTheBowl
The Simpsons are going to the Hollywood Bowl! To see a live show about some cartoon show. #SimpsonsTakeTheBowl
Finally! I got my face unstuck from the TV. Now to shave, take a shower and get ready for the "Mike & Molly" marathon!
I'm proud of my time as a World Cup referee. And proud that I got out of there before Brazil lost!
What?! I went to Iceland? No way, come on. I mean, really? I did? Okay, if you say so.
Me and my hand-picked Presidential Candidate Ted Nugent. That worked out well.
"The Twin Trolls Of Underbridge Academy." The best thing I created since the Pizza-rito.
I won an Oscar to go with my Grammy. I'm halfway to Hamlisch!
I was the bad guy in "Django" before the bad guy in "Django" was the bad guy in "Django".
Ah, our trip to the Emerald Isle. For some reason I ended up drinking heavily and getting in trouble!
I'll never forget trying to remember all that stuff I paid Moe to make me forget.
Hmm, I wonder if that Life Coach guy ever amounted to anything.
Why, Brain?! Why did you make me remember this?!
Forget good. When I was an ice cream man my humor was GREAT!
It's too bad "Headvertising" never caught on. Cuz it took many painful surgeries to scrape the "Buy Blue Pants" add off my skull!
What a terrible trip to Italy. The pizza tasted all fake!
Ah, my little boy's first heart attack.
I'm proud to have been in the forefront of exploiting same-sex marriage for $$$.
I'm so grateful Marge didn't leave me for Moe. Where would I go drink to get over it?!