*opens a blank tab*
yes mom im doing my homework leave me alone
don't you trust me at all ?
*When Mom starts counting to 3*
Me: Do u really think counting will make me do anything?
Me: Oh sh*t i'm going, i'm going!
when i know something doesnt fit in the fridge so i force the door shut and let it fall out on someone else
Imagine this: you're home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers "Bless you" and hangs up
my shower = 24 mins
4 mins = wash and rinse body
20 mins = reflection and deep thoughts about the origin of life and the universe
someone: can i use your computer for a second
Me: what do you need i'll look it up for you
THE PRESIDENT OF FRANCE WANTS TO BAN HOMEWORK
well this is it
bonjour my petite crossaints
me: okay time for school
me: I should get up
me: just five seconds
me: five minutes
me: five hours
me: five days
me: five years
My mind says homework but my heart says internet.
Me: I'm just going to rest my eyes for 5 minutes.
Wakes up February 5th, 2098.
why put cookie dough in the oven when you can put it in your mouth
6 am: tired
9 am: tired
11 am: tired
3 pm: tired
5 pm: tired
7 pm: tired
9 pm: tired
bed time: ENNNNEERRGGYY
teacher: from all this talking, i assume you're done
me: from all this complaining, i assume you're single
I love how people say they're "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a dolphin. 🐬
Yoh...got so hectically raped by the analysis in accounting...XD #Fail
16 accounting modules....read thru 11 of them, just 3 hours till exam #Rape #GonaDie
People: You're so quiet, like you don't talk.
Me: I talk, just not to you
me: *can't find anything to wear* me: *has breakdown on floor surrounded by clothes*
my hobbies include eating and complaining that i’m getting fat
Wow....just got raped by afrikaans paper II, im pretty sure the only part I got right was my name ...
no motivation to study
no motivation to talk
no motivation to move
no motivation to breathe
no motivation to live
no motivation to anything
That beautiful moment when u have a 3 digit airtime balance ♥
I want an iPhone with BBM , Nokia battery and Android Features.
Twitter makes me want to have drinks with people I've never met, and Facebook makes me want to throw drinks at people I already know.
why is it called "beauty sleep" when you wake up looking like a troll
Walking into your room and saying "Wow I should clean this..."
Then walking out.
Lol today is just going to be such an epic fail..
When people ignore my text message:
<,︻╦̵̵̿╤─ ҉ - - - - - - -
I hate it when I look horrible in a group photo and the person that looks good refuses to delete it.
Just found a blog of people who are discussing the 'guy/man' who played Jack in #POTCParody
. Oh dear, haha! #ImaLadythough
me after running for one minute: i'm still alive, but i'm barely breathing
No I wasn't ignoring you at all, I had to go walk my unicorn.
physics teacher: you can’t be attracted to something without it being attracted back to you
me: are you sure about that
Not being able to get enough sleep because of that ONE person on your mind.
I hate when people ask u “do you drink?”
Like of course I drink I have water every day & when I want to loosen up a bit I have a juice box
Tigger: Pooh bear, can I get some of that honey?🍯..
Pooh: Tigga Please.✋
you inspire my inner serial killer
if u call me attractive, i assume u are either
Upon the hill across the blue lake,
That's where I had my first heartbreak.
I still remember how it all changed.
When someone touches my phone I automatically turn into a ninja.
I hate when people cancel plans last minute like I showered and shaved my legs for you how dare you.
When someone i dont like talks to me ✋ pic.twitter.com/EcHy5ZO0Ej
50 shades of text me the fuck back
*Gets a text* ...
*Grabs Phone* ..
*Reads Name* ...
*Puts phone back down without replying*...
I've seriously been trying to come up with a Miley Cyrus joke all day, but it's just not twerking...
"All I know is I love you too much to walk away." - Eminem ft. Rihanna
If a pizza has a radius 'z' and a thickness 'a', its volume can be defined as Pi(z*z)a.
Aww one of your three boyfriends left you because he found out about the others ?
How whoreable !
That awkward moment when you sleep with one leg under the covers, and the other leg out for temperature balance.