I just fucked up instant oatmeal like some kind of husband in a commercial.
My parents just for back from Greece. They brought back chocolate and cheese, so I'm pretty happy to see them.
"Hey, you alright dude?" #drawing #art #toronto
#Eggo #MapleWalnut #Nutella #PB #stop
Yes it snowed. It's Canada remember? This shit happens.
@Tzortzy a.k.a "Yianni the Tile Guy"
Your boy young Lak &I #leafsnation #goleafsgo #tmltalk
1-0 no problem
My partying days are over... sorry to all the people living vicariously
Who put this Christmas tree here!?
Welcome to Olive Garden! when you're here, you're family. sit up straight. have you gained weight? why can't you be more like your sister?
It's that sauce, it's that dressing. #goleafsgo
Yea sure I'm in. #omnomnom
I just set Twitter to post to Facebook, and Facebook to tweet to Twitter... So the internet should explode any minute now.
I love that one Reggae song. You know, that one about weed.
Yea. I dunno
@peterkolo Snitch. That double photo bomb doe!?
I'd eat more Mexican food if it didn't look like someone had already eaten it before me.
See you guys in the spring. #hibernation #PS4
I text back embarrassingly fast or three days later there is no in between
French toast is just regular toast that smokes cigarettes and has a tiny mustache.
Yeah, I can't believe the shitty teenager making minimum wage at the coffee shop spelled your name wrong on your cup either.
Rob Ford needs a reality show. Like last week
I make the Transformers sound when I change into sweatpants.
No thanks, doctor's office that used to be a house.
In his prime, Richard Simmons was, at best, in just okay shape.
I eat my pop tarts frozen like the vikings used to have them.
like I'm Little Mermaid and Snoopdog's birth child.
So BBM was a huge flop...
Not now chief...
Get your goosenuckles out of here. #nobis #obsession
Just had a kale and quinoa salad and now my name is Autumn and I braid my hair and drive a Subaru.
If anything Dragonball Z taught kids patience
If you call Starbucks "Starbs," I hope you get totes murds.
Chicks must text each other "sausage fest" like it's a good thing.
If someone honks at you in traffic, honk back and yell "HEY, OUR CARS ARE TALKING!"
That awkward part of the night where you don't know if you should sleep or just stay awake...
I'm so tired I could sleep a horse
I never wash my fruit, in case anybody's wondering how badass I am.
Your hips may not lie but your pushup bra is a sociopath.
Fear Factor would have been much scarier if it had just been people in their twenties trying to figure out how to have careers
Basically I made my screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn’t notice when I haven’t moved my mouse in an
I named my Apple TV remote Waldo, you know why.