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Adam McKay
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The Tea Party is like the band member who won't let the band play out cause they don't do enough reggae tunes.
For the first time in my 25 years in the biz, a children's book leaves me speechless. pic.twitter.com/yrs3MQEH8g
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Today, be accepting, grateful, open hearted and try not to be such a dickweed.
Take a minute to meditate on this sentence: "Metta World Peace to sign with Sichuan Blue Whales"
Time for a new state treasurer Rhode island. More great work from David Sirota: ibtimes.com/rhode-island-t…
This video of DMX losing it on an amusement park ride might just make your day--WATCH: slate.me/1qKZm9H pic.twitter.com/zKPg5rUrB7
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A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, unless they're fruit bats then fuckin Ahhh!
The median household is 20% poorer today than in 1984. bit.ly/1rCSmYw pic.twitter.com/JOhg1Zqyfq
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Thought "coal rolling" was the ugliest trend ive ever seen. Tried it: super relaxing. Never felt more centered.
Or maybe it's "sinronic"
Ironscere- the 50/50 blend of sincerity and irony with which I love movies like Road House & Billy Jack.
It's official! World premiere of THE YES MEN ARE REVOLTING announced at @TIFF_NET in September! ow.ly/zIate
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Fist bumps transfer 90% fewer bacteria than hand shakes: bit.ly/1xuJg1T
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The fact that "cool beans" has survived as an expression is astounding.
How is Soup Plantation an okay name for a restaurant? That's like Salad Concentration Camp.
How can we get Stephen A Smith to date Mayweather?
Someone just called me "malicious" I'm guessing it means "magically delicious" cause if it doesn't I'll ruin his fucking life.
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Can't wait to get to Comic Con & see all the ppl dressed as Kathy, Wizard of Id & Ziggy! (It's those kind of comics right?)
I was born on a leap year while crossing the intl' date line, so my zodiac sign is a robot jerking off a marlin.
You can't fight city hall. Especially when city hall is on tank treads and has attack drones emerging from its top spire.
Neil deGrasse Tyson goes to town on climate change deniers in the GOP slnm.us/oNKi7wS
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What it feels like when the Israeli military calls to say your home will be bombed in 10 minutes: bit.ly/1qYLMvj
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IT'S OFFICIAL!!!! WHEN YOU WRITE IN ALL CAPS AND SAY "IT'S OFFICIAL" OR "JUST ANNOUNCED" IT FEELS EXCITING AND IMPORTANT!!!
How did we so drastically shift from old people not trusting anything on the internet to believing everything they see on it
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If you're a college student don't have sex in the library as a tradition. Go F in a Hobby Lobby.
Liberals don't understand what a fact is. Fact: I think Obama wants to turn USA into a staging area for a gay invasion of the world.
Discovering I was colorblind came completely out of the orange.
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"Of course I remember ur name! How u been man... shaped..human, bro?"
I've been speaking truth to power since 1995 (or whatever year makes me seem youngest)
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Just saw a bunch of liberal gay climate scientists cleaning their Prius with American flags. When will America wake up?!!
My Doctor told me I need to lose 20 pounds. Typical liberal. What about the french fry and bagel making jobs we'd lose?
UPDATED: Everything you need to know about what's happening in Gaza thkpr.gs/1rlP0tS
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Seriously considering starting a thrash band called "unattended package"
Not knowing shit is hard. Cause how do u know u don't know it if u don't know it? Fuck it, who wants to throw lunch meat in a jet engine?
We spend first half of life finding our identity, second half escaping the lie of identity & last part watching baseball.
From "sole superpower" to "third world infrastructure" in one generation: The US is crumbling from within -- fast slnm.us/I6qCffD
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Retweet if you'd vote for Elizabeth Warren for President.
Tonight on #drunkhistory 10pm comedycentral @ericjedelstein johnnykoxville jondalygram 🇺🇸🎸instagram.com/p/qfcb8GHrMC/2GnvD
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Watching an infomercial with reality stars being interviewed- oh, it's the local news.
One of the biggest differences between men and women is the meaning of the phrase "I used an entire box of tissues watching that movie".
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My last relationship ended because he said I always finish my sentences in a weird way fucking a horse.
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Is there a metal box I can sit in so everyone knows I'm an A-hole? A Lamborghini? Great!
Mr T's prediction for today's World Cup final... Painnnn.
this 1977 photo by Danny Fields is breaking my heart right now - Tommy Ramone & Claudia Tiernan, his gf of 40 yrs. pic.twitter.com/8EnoElf5Oq
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Holy crap... The Cavs just traded Lebron for Kevin Love. "Payback's a bitch" Dan Gilbert. #ReturnOfTheKingAndThenExitOfTheKing