A girl that suffers from premature ejaculation is wife material
What the hell ? Up is a depressing as movie
I wish I was on schoolies.
When D12 blocked Melo lay up, D12 said "get that out of here chubby!" Real talk lol
Amanda Bynes in What A Girl Wants ..... Omfg milk me
I don't know if I should shave or continue being a beardaphile for another day
How much to have Jane Bunn come and do the weather in my house ? #WinNews #NotARapist
I don't understand why Ellen has a DJ with essentially 10k worth of equipment just to play that one song
What a game so far, Warriors on FIRE #letsgowarriors
I find people in neck braces hilarious.
Why do people choose the middle stall in a 3 toilet bathroom. IT LEAVES NO ROOM FOR A BUFFER
First exam today - Measurement and evaluation.
I wish it was about measuring and evaluating my penis instead of physical education tho #UB
Wanted: 1 Magical dog for adventures.
I'm always more partial to girls with the side part than the middle part
Katy Perry Roar is on every damn commercial
Craig Ferguson is the funniest person on late night tv
If you were a girl why would you sign up for #BATG
? So everyone knows you're actually mentally retarded... Or ?
Omfg stop sending me snapchats of your flipping bird
Addicted to survivor. Shit
The girls on the Thin Lizzie commercial are all weird looking.
If I lived in NYC I'd go to Tom's Restaurant every day
King of Queens is such an underrated show, Kevin James was definitely at his comedy prime
When attractive female DJs follow you on twitter 😎
It's a jerk thing to snapchat someone but not reply to their messages
When's the last time Lindsay Lohan was even in a movie that wasn't a cameo of her playing her self
When girls start going to gym, then feel the need to post about it every single day :/
I can't sleep on an empty stomach
Once you go Ukraine, you will scream with the sex pain.
I want to go back to Brookyln.
I do enjoy heavy doses of sexual innuendo
I do very much enjoy trash shows like 2 Broke Girls
I want to be hoisted up on the chair and see what it feels like to be top Jew
I think it take girls girls a lot of fakery to become hot, but cuteness comes naturally
I wish my life had the simplicity of Adventure Time
I'm glad I had the weekend off, it turned out to be one of the best in a while
Cloudy with a chance of my balls in ur mouth
The best movies come from the 80's
I'd accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.
Disturbing the peace? I got thrown out of a window! What's the fuckin' charge for getting pushed out of a moving car, huh? Jaywalking?
I love how Steve Buscemi is in pretty much every Adam Sandler movie in some way
Chlorophyll? More like BOREophyll.
I'd rather be a dick than a swallower.
Most people don't realize this, but you can be a vegan or vegetarian without telling everyone around you.
If you put "haha"on the end of a sentence, you can pretty much say what ever you want.
I feel like death has personally raped me with scissors
Why does the checkout girl at Safeway have sideburns ?