I'm nauseous right now and can't help but want to barf when I think of food
(269): A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
(940): See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
have u ever accidentally befriended someone who is very very irritating
when someone in the year 2013 posts a pic of leia in the bikini what he’s really saying is “can you believe i’m still jacking off to this”
Told my son we're at Disney World. pic.twitter.com/ZTa4hq1jnL
We need to introduce twerking to the Middle East
Right when I saw her I fell in looooove
it smells like a skunk sprayed outside but people smoking weed at the gas station next door is also a more valid argument
since when are they allowed to mention religious connotations
this girl on a Disney show just said "God-given talent"
I thought it was 11pm but it's really 1am
what is going on
it makes me so super happy that they're still playing Teen Beach Movie music on Disney
I took a nap from 5 to 10:30 and I want to sleep some more but I'm not tired anymore pic.twitter.com/iynSB9RzyC
it's remarkable how strikingly similar my dog's farts smell to mine
if i sing around you i am 150% comfortable with you because i cannot sing for shit
please don't show PDA in the halls unless you're both cute
I think the substitute teacher is eating an onion or a styrofoam ball or something what the heck
dogs look like their owners? more like my dog has similar smelling farts to mine
things that will always sound sarcastic:
- good for you
- thanks a lot
- yeah right
- nice to know
- wow way to go
- ok buddy
If my husband doesn't cry when he sees me walk down the aisle, I'm turning around.
to paint my face or to go to sleep #thestruggleisreal
I always get Miley Cryus' songs stuck in my head, why oh why, ANYONE BUT HER
: YES 🎅🎁pic.twitter.com/IvFD5sf26B
26B” I'VE BEEN LISTENING TO CHRISTMAS MUSIC ALL YEAR, IT DOESN'T STOP
Apple Hack # 7: Swallow the seeds and then you can talk to apples.
whenever i paint my fingernails the polish lasts for 4 days but when i paint my toenails it lasts for like 6 years i don't understand
1 and a half hours left of class ugh
my mom and I got into a fight and now she doesn't want to talk anymore and I'm crying in class and I want to kms ok
if u knew me in middle school im sorry
there is literally a handful of Cheetos left in this bag, why must you torture me, brethren
i wish my phone would stop correcting "omg" to "OMG"...
i'm not that shocked
not feeling 5pm classes tonight yafeelme
"I started smoking weed when I was 7" wow no wonder why you're so stupid
i only come to Walgreen after midnight tbh
even the weird kid with the back hump who sits at the other side of my table has company today
guys be like “don’t wear leggings if you don’t got no ass” and i see you bitches walking around in muscle shirts without any muscles so stfu
ONE OF THEM EVEN LOOKED RIGHT AT ME WHEN I WAS LOOKING AT HIM AND HE JUST WALKED TO ANOTHER TABLE
the people who I sit with at lunch ditched me
GOTTA WORK ON MY SWING
GOTTA DO MY OWN THING
Sitting in gym wondering who would die if one of the lights fell down.
today's crying incident: my teacher yelled at me for working on the class work she gave us
I cry at least once a day at school because of pressure
why do 13 year olds swear so much ow stop my virgin ears
me on my wedding day: u still like me right
even though I got an A+ on the original quiz, I'm retaking it?¿? I better get a perfect grade for this, I fricken swear