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Funny Quotes
comedyquotes 468,812 followers
Karma is only a bitch to bitches.
1h
"You tweet too much." Bitch, you breathe too much.
1h
Who invented hugs? I mean the first hug would have been so awkward. "What are you doing, why are you holding me?!.." "Shhh just trust me"
1h
When I get home: • Takes pants off, • Puts hair up, • Eats as much as I possibly can
2h
uʍop ǝpısdn pǝuɹnʇ pǝddıןɟ ʇoƃ ǝɟıן ʎɯ ʍoɥ ʇnoqɐ ןןɐ ʎɹoʇs ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ ʍou
4h
you could give me 37 years to do homework and i still wouldn't do it until the night before.
5h
when did we replace the word “said” with “was like”
5h
Do u ever creep really hard on insta and click someone then go to their gf then her bff & her friends sister & ur like 8 people deep bc same
5h
I'm at that point where I don't even care if people like me anymore. If you like me, cool. If you don't, okay
5h
2009: Fruit Ninja 2010: Cut The Rope 2011: Temple Run 2012: Angry Birds 2013: Candy Crush 2014: Now THIS 👉pic-twittrs.in/1yKGeJoF
My snapchat has gotten to the point that if you snap me twice you're in my best friends 😂🔫
i can go from sweetheart to cold hearted asshole in 0.007 seconds
At night, I can't sleep. In the morning, I can't wake up.
Idk why i even bother getting crushes on ppl bc its not like im gonna end up dating them anyway so like its such a waste of feelings
I be like FUCK SCHOOL.........but a muthafcka ain't gonna dropout.
I'm having a bad day I mean week I mean year I mean life existence.
i swear i get uglier everyday
homecoming is just grinding in a hot sweaty gym to old lil wayne songs in front of your english teacher😂😂😂
If you live in a household with two parents who are happy together you have no idea how fortunate you areol like
Can't wait until phones become waterproof so pushing people in pools becomes funny again.
reasons to date me: 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: please lol
Only retweet this if you don't smoke and are proud of it.
Boy: Can I go outside? Mom: No. Dad will be angry if you. Boy: Dad should see this : pic-twittrs.in/1qWjyVv Mom : Are u joking
Leaked photo of the new Apple Watch: pic.twitter.com/okZJRvRz5R
i 🍩 like school
my parents believe that I’m the only teenager that: is lazy, stays up late, has a messy room, lives on their laptop & is constantly texting.
GF: How to save money? BF: See: pic-twittrs.in/1sCdr6g GF: Brilliant.
homecoming is just grinding in a hot sweaty gym to old lil wayne songs in front of your english teacher
It will make your day if you start your day like this : pic-twittrs.in/1w2KXTp
That awkward moment when sluts hate other sluts for being sluts
My eating schedule: Breakfast Snack Brunch Snack Lunch Snack Snack Pre dinner Dinner Snack Dessert Snack Midnight snack Repeat
Society: Be yourself Society: No not like that.
2009: Fruit Ninja 2010: Cut The Rope 2011: Temple Run 2012: Angry Birds 2013: Candy Crush 2014: Now THIS 👉pic-twittrs.in/1yKGeJoF
iOS 9 will be out by the time iOS 8 finishes downloading.
I don't understand people who only sleep with one pillow
i wish i had teeth like this 😍pic-twittrs.in/1obGMRRs
People never remember the million times you help them, only the one time you don't.
Me: Please don't notice me. Me: Please don't notice me. Me: Please don't notice me. Me: Please don't notice me. Person: HEEYYY!! Me: …shit.
Me: “Wow I need to do homework.” *eats dinner* *goes on twitter* *checks facebook* *knits a sweater* *does origami* Me: ”Oh it’s 3am."
Never trust someone that take hours to text you back but when you're with them they always have their phone in their hand texting.
Dear naps, I'm sorry I was a jerk to you in kindergarten
breaking news: i dont care
When you accidentally type "Olay" instead of "okay" pic.twitter.com/k5BoMXgEWM