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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.
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#LOVE is strange! You just pick a person and say "yes I like this one,they can ruin my life forever"!
Isn't it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.
The problem with stuff on the internet is that you can't always depend on its accuracy. - Abraham Lincoln
Smart phone, dumb battery.
If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you. -Oscar Wilde
Can a woman make you a millionaire? Yes, but only if you are a billionaire.
I've seen a few that will end like this!
Dear YouTube, i will always “Skip this ad."
When a woman says "do whatever you want," do not do whatever you want.
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.
#LOVE is strange! You just pick a human and say "yes i like this one,they can ruin my life forever"!
I'm not drunk... Floors need hugs too.
STRANGE... Some guy just gave me half of a peace sign
i want to sleep for 2 years and wake up with a degree, an apartment and money in the bank.
Why are iPhone chargers not called apple juice?
is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my word.
What rhymes with Peyton Manning? Tony Romo!
Thank God for the people who are important in your life! Thank jesus first!
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. - Mark Twain
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
I am as bored as a fat kid with a plate full of salad.
I don't know why people avoid talking to me. I talk to myself all the time, and I seem like a cool guy.
Unless your name is Netflix, I don't want to see you today!
“From the moment I saw you, I knew I was gonna spend the rest of my life avoiding you.” @Snipacide
Before you get a tattoo - can they spell?!?…
High school made me realize that a lot of people will change just to fit in.
Do the Chinese realize that when they're visiting America, they buy souvenirs made in their own country?
Yeah! Getting ready for the week! I mean watchin TV!
Seriously! Did you go to church today? No? Would you at least say a prayer and think about God!
Don't throw stones in a gla__ SHUT UP. Nobody lives in a glass house
Makes sense! There are more people in the world with cell phones than there are with toilets.
Wait, What were you saying... You were talking??
I see you sneaking another cookie. It's okay - this is 'Mmmerica!
If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end on a call, we would have no friends left!
Who doesn't follow back? Who never RTs? Who never links? All that & more at
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
He is a 20th century man... The guy has no future.

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