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Olov Forsgren
When I was born I was so in shock, I didn't talk for a year and a half.
My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying.
A wise man will never tell his wife to keep quiet. He will tell her she looks beautiful with her mouth closed.
All other pregnant woman give birth to a baby, while my mother gave birth to a legend.
No matter what anyone says, my cooking is excellent, even the smoke alarm seems to be cheering me on!
I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I would love to punch in the face!
Life was so much easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits!
Common sense is so rare it should be considered a superpower nowadays.
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things that I keep to myself!
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? An offer you can't understand.
Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. And vodka makes you not remember any of that crap.
Im having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions.
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don't even know if I'm kidding or not.
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
I speak 4 languages: English, Profanity, Sarcasm, and Real shit.
A group of idiots led by a wise man can defeat a group of wise people led by an idiot.
Why do women live longer than men? Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bills does.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
The road to success is always under construction.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
You should never underestimate the power of your girlfriend. She has the ability to make anything your fault.
I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
The average woman wuld rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
About the only time losing is more fun than winning is when you're fighting temptation. - Tom Wilson
Being yourself is being the person everyone else wants you to be.
Bacteria is sometimes the only culture some people have.
Why are there no romantic restaurants on the moon? There is no atmosphere.
I don’t jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer. - Albert Einstein
Everyday is a gift, thats why they call it the present.
Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are?
When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.
The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.
The time to relax is when you don't have time for it! - Jim Goodwin
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they fly by. - Douglas Adams
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.
Love is like heaven but hurts like hell.
They say the truth will set you free. But then why is it that every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room?.
Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there. Will Rogers
You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great. - Zig Ziglar
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Procrastinate now, don't put it off.
I couldn't wait for success, so I went ahead without it. - Jonathan Winters