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Q: Why can not your nose be 12" long?
A: Because it would be a foot.
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
You can always get a job in international affairs because 90% of everything happens in a foreign country.
Afternoon: that part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.
Q: How do you know that the earth won't come to an end?
A: Because it is round!
The fifth wheel, right? fb.me/4sFkKCZ0A
People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
A penny saved has not been spent.
Baby-sitter: Teenager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teenagers.
Patient: I get heartburn when i eat birthday cake.
Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.
Argument: A discussion that occurs when you're right, but the other just hasn't realized yet.
All good things must come to an end, I just want to know when they start!
Wife : We are very poor, there is nothing good with us.
Husband: But dear, there is one thing good about being... fb.me/5fn8pL0Os
If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again.
There are two kinds of people who don't say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
Anyone who is popular is bound to be disliked.
Mam, can i hold your hand?
No thanks, it is not heavy...
Architect, n.: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. - Ambrose Bierce
Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem.
Common Sense : Genius dressed up in working clothes. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Q. What is the most shocking city?
My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good. #quote
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
Once A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding.
The police catch him ans says , "It's been a long day... fb.me/2j3wyljuT
As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
All probabilities are really 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won't.
The solving of a problem lies in finding the solvers.
Man at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing
is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your... fb.me/2iLq0A9PP
Archaeologist: Man whose career lies in ruins.
Competition brings out the best in products and the worst in people.
There is a right way, a wrong way, and my way to do everything.
A man was filling up application form for a job.
He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary... fb.me/6CRFdYqWw
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
Anonymous : The worlds most popular author.
It takes money to make money because you have to copy the design exactly.
Jacky: I worry too much about my work and job.
Anson: You should Stop it right now
Anson: Simply... fb.me/2vb8MgBqr
Everything happens at the same time with nothing in between.
In any household, junk accumulates to the the space available for its storage.
Alcohol: A liquid good for preserving almost everything except secrets. - Gideon Wurdz
Kid: What is husband and wife?
Granny: Husband is the head of the family but wife is the neck,
which can turn head anywhere!
History repeats itself. That is one of the things wrong with history.
If we learn by our mistakes, some of us are getting one great education!
A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke. #quote