It is okay to be ignorant in some areas, but some people abuse the privilege.
A penny saved is an economic breakthrough.
Anything is easier to take apart than to put together.
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole... fb.me/8boX1gv9W
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
Military intelligence: A contradiction in terms. - Groucho Marx
Four-wheel-drive just means getting stuck in more inaccessible places.
Kleptomaniac: Someone who helps himself because he can't help himself.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them used to reality.
Ambivalent? Well yes and no.... #quote
Job: A place where you work just hard enough to avoid getting fired while getting paid just enough to avoid quitting. - Daffy Joe Heuer
I was so poor, I couldn't pay attention.
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat.
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an... fb.me/13R11YsLE
Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff. #quote
The difference between theory and practice ... is larger in practice than in theory.
I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.
Climate is what you expect: weather is what you get.
My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
A ladder was stolen from the store. The manager said that further steps will be taken.
A man was sitting on his porch one afternoon when he noticed that his neighbor, went out to her mailbox, opened... fb.me/3SWbTp2lK
Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment.
You will find that the only thing you can do easily is be wrong, and that's hardly worth the effort.
You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.
You either have to be first, best, or different.
Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job... fb.me/77hNOeYyv
An optimist laughs to forget. A pessimist forgets to laugh.
A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked... fb.me/3zFooCPNS
Santa Claus has the right idea ... visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving. - Albert Einstein
Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.
I'm supposed to back up my hard drive, but how do I put it into reverse?
If you can't read this, thank the teacher's union.
Well, at least the war on the environment is going well.
Stable relationships are for horses.
An Apple a day keeps Windows away.
My drinking team has a bowling problem.
The generation of random numbers is too important to leave to chance.
I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability.
Trying to squash a rumor is like trying to unring a bell.
When he was finished with the bulk of the changes, Mr. Smith added yet one more stipulation to his will: that he... fb.me/125klPiqJ
Beer: Healthy and most enjoyable form of water.
Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. - Father Larry Lorenzoni