The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Yes, what happened to Alan? fb.me/7EjpLK3qn
Have you ever had this problem? fb.me/3drnLxMQT
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow... fb.me/ZyPpXXYZ
If it can go wrong it probably already has.
Egocentric: Person who believes he is everything you know you are.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
Feminism is the belief that both sexes may become equal by focusing solely on one of them.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. #quote
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. #quote
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up.
I agree, what about you? fb.me/80Uw3GNAi
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero... fb.me/1UrBEXjAa
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Free speech carries with it some freedom to listen.
Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts. #quote
A guy living in UK once had the opportunity to get a wish fulfilled by God. The guy- Thank you so mush God, I... fb.me/40G3yq8sU
Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened.
Examine what is said, not who speaks. #quote
Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A. They're trying to get away from the noise.
War does not determine who is right, only who is left. #quote
Military justice: is to justice what military music is to music. - Groucho Marx
Before the marriage: He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait. She: Do you want me to leave? He: NO! Don't... fb.me/61Q9jmVr6
A smoking section in a restaurant is like a peeing section in a swimming pool. #quote
Optimist: Someone without much experience. #quote
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface. #quote
A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole... fb.me/1TrJNftn6
Better: What we instantly feel when we realize our neighbor's problems are as bad as our own
A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular. #quote
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Teacher: What is chemical formula of Water?? Student: H I J K L M N O Teacher: what the hell you are telling... fb.me/1m8l5R3NB
I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Counterfeiter: Individual who prints illegally what governments prints legally - Rudyh.
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an... fb.me/55SdmHDRs
It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. #quote
A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table. Upon taking a closer look he sees a dog sitting... fb.me/10wPzAAfg
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
A man was sitting on his porch one afternoon when he noticed that his neighbor, went out to her mailbox, opened... fb.me/9CEkvjz0K
People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.