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Funny Laugh
comedy fun funnytweets jokes 225,275 followers
"Live life like its your last day" doesn't make sense. People would be scared, sad or sick. They should say "Live life like its Friday".
Cop: "Do you know why I stopped you?"Me: "Because you were picked on in high school and for once in your shitty life, you have power."
No matter how many times the show is repeated, Mr.Bean is always funny.
Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to walk by again... With a knife.
Fat guy : What are you looking at? Me: The reason double doors were invented.
If you're gonna wear yoga pants: 1. Have an ass. 2. Don't be fat. 3. Wear a thong. Thanks.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth then it just becomes a soap opera.
The hard decision you face when you're having a conversation as to what smiley face you should use.
If you’re a sarcastic asshole, come sit with me because I'm one too.
That awkward moment when you don't know whether you're in love or just horny.
I had no idea Instagram was down until a girl in front of me at Starbucks cancelled her order saying, "Instagram is down, it's useless."
When people tattoo the name of their boyfriend or girlfriend on themselves and then break up. =)))
When karma comes back to punch you in the face, i want to be there.. just in case it needs help.
"Mom,can I wear a dress?" "No" "Mom can I wear makeup?" "No" "Mom,can I have a boyfriend?" "No" "But mom, I'm 18!" "I know Kevin, I know..."
Headphones in, problems out.
Having a mini heart attack when you think you've lost your phone.
American presidents: ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☻.
Rearrange these words: 1) PNEIS 2) HTIELR 3) NGGERI 4) BUTTSXE You got; Spine, lither, ginger and subtext, right?
Stress is caused by giving a fuck.
You're absolutely right, all guys are the same. It has nothing to do with you exclusively dating douchebags.
That awkward moment when Santa has the same wrapping paper as your mom.
I wish there were minions instead of insects.
Twitter didn't ruin my life. I was already a loser before I joined this website.
Friend: let's go to a party me: I can't i'm ugly
Me: I won't get jealous me: who's this fucking whore