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Funny Laugh
It took Harry Potter 7 long ass books to catch the bad guy. It only takes Scooby-Doo 25 minutes.
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone’s mouth while they’re talking?
oh sorry i was thinking about myself did you want something
ever been so tired ur eyelids burn when u blink
Sometimes I look at my friends and think to myself, "Where did I meet these crazy people?" But then I think "What would I do without them?"
I want to be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.
If i stay in bed i’ll be warm if i get in the shower i’ll also be warm but the distance between the bed and the shower that is not warm
sometimes when I say “Im okay” what I rly want is for someone to hold my hand look me in the eyes and say “I know ur not okay here is $1000"
99% of the teenagers are hot. The other 1% go to my school.
mark, my words. *mark brings me my dictionary* thank you mark
Why is it I barely have any signal in my house but the Taliban can upload videos from a cave in Afghanistan?
70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered with idiots
My love is like a candle..... because if u forget about me I will burn ur fucking house to the ground
Can't spell slut without u, bitch.
Understanding women is not a mystery. When you're wrong, you apologize and when she's wrong, you apologize
being the unattractive friend is not easy, i don’t think we get enough credit
do u ever forget to sleep or eat or drink water or something and ur like “oh shit yeah I need that to live”
If bae doesn't stalk your tweets then bae is not bae.
My phone battery lasts longer than most relationships nowadays.
Hairdresser: do you like it? Me: yes thank you *goes home and cries*
when your girlfriend says "I need some space" pic.twitter.com/TGWalUTPcJ
"can u not" has been my mental reaction to almost everything lately
every once in a while i check up on people i hate to make sure i still hate them i do
Acting like your texting when you see someone you don't want to talk to.
I'm still waiting for the day that I will actually use x² + y +8 [(x + 2y ² = a-z] + 2x ³ + (- 2z = 2. 4) + 10y - 5Z ³= k= 9 in real life.
periods help you learn how to get blood off of things which is probably why you hear more stories of men caught with murder
instead of leaking celebrity nudes we could leak pdf versions of college textbooks? idk just an idea
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, start smiling like an idiot,, everyone stares at you wondering why you're smiling.
Female Drivers: The reason people look both ways when crossing a one way street.
hey before i follow you my mom wants to talk to ur mom
i’m that kind of person who between two choices always picks the wrong one
i got 99 problems but being basic is not one of them
Do u ever catch yourself thinking rude things about someone or judging them and you’re like “hey stop that, that’s not nice don’t u do that”
accidentally forgetting your headphones at home is like accidentally leaving your first born child at the gates of hell
This is my story... I am the guy in blue pic.twitter.com/OfqfbFiuP8
If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.
Hey Monday, go fuck yourself
It takes 21 days to form a habit? I’ve been going to school for 2,500 days and I still give up every morning
why the fuck does school even exist like what if i wanted to be a mermaid
Math problems: "Jane bought 72 sofas." Who the hell would buy 72 sofas?
In a relationship you can't just do what you want, you always have to think about the other person and that's what people don't understand.
me: *sees ur message right away* me: *doesnt respond right away so u dont think i was waiting* me: *forgets to respond*