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Funny Laugh
Who else hates the sound of their own voice on video?
MOM = Best Friend + Best Supporter + GREATEST FAN
I think “dildo” is a perfectly acceptable insult. Like, I’d call you a dick but you’re not real enough
why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem
You go ask my mom. "Why!?" "Because she won't say 'No' to you."
Go home feelings, you're drunk
i get anxious for ppl who fall asleep on public transit. like where is ur home? how many stops have u missed? this was not a time for a nap
i believe in hate at first sight
Don't fall in love. You will get feelings and die.
Fuck twerking, can you cook?
you know that mood you get in sometimes where you just fucking are in love with drinking water
If u have never mentally claimed food and gotten really angry when someone takes it, you are lying
I'm an asshole, so get used to it. I'm going to say what I want, do what I want to do, and be whoever the fuck I want to be
In high school the syllabus for a class is a joke but in college that thing is your life on a piece of paper
I get re-pissed about old situations whenever I start thinking about them again
So if I don't text first we don't talk at all? Fuck you.
i hate it when kids are assholes but you cant even punch them or anything cause they're like 9 and they know this those smug little shits
Bitches think you're stalking their Instagram when you "like" an old pic, but it's really because they ain't looked good in 6 weeks
Everyone: Are you okay? Everyone: You look upset. Everyone: Are you mad at me? Everyone: What are you mad at? Me: IT'S JUST MY FACE
I open a text and mentally respond then forget to actually respond.
Hakuna Ma'Vodka It means no memories for the rest of ur night
Sometimes one middle finger isn't enough to let someone know how you feel. That's why you have two hands.
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
My "oh well" game is strong
bitch please ur legs open faster than the google homepage
Bitches wear leggings so transparent I can see where her father walked out her life
I would watch tennis more often if they replaced the ball boys with untrained golden retrievers.
we all have that one family member who comments on and likes every fucking thing u do on facebook
Anyone know how do you uninstall.... school?
I love my bed but I'd rather be in yours.
When she's moody, grab her booty
When you're having a good day then bae does something to piss you off
Do u believe in love at 1st sight or do u wanna see my skechers light up again?
When your friends make plans but don't invite you
Life's a bitch, Because if it was a slut, It would be easy.
AP= advanced procrastinators
if u have perfectly clear skin and u complain about one tiny little blemish i will personally beat u with a shovel
can I nominate you for the boiling water challenge
"Don't try this at home" Okay, I will try it at my friend's place.
Twitter becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
I don’t care how hot you are, if your personality is shit your physical appearance automatically means nothing
If my daughter is in 6th grade wearing crop tops and high waisted shorts I'm slapping her straight in to justice. Pick out a sparkly shirt.
I'm quite confident that the reason i'm single Is because i didn't forward that chain letter in 2008
somebody needs to fucking kiss me
2 good friends > 20 fake friends
What they say: "Wow, you're really photogenic." What they mean: "Wow, this looks nothing like how ugly you actually are."
i love those friendships where you always have stuff to talk about