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Funny Laugh
comedy fun funnytweets jokes 259,912 followers
We all have that one secret no one will ever know.
Calling "shotgun" when your getting arrested is a great way to lighten the mood.
My relationship is like an iPhone 5S. I don't have an iPhone 5S
That awkward moment when you make sure your feet are inside your bed covers because you know ghosts like to grab feet.
My name is Bond, James Bond. My name is Please, Bitch Please.
I still watch Spongebob, and I don't care how old I am.
Oh wait a sec, I found your nose for you. It was all up in my business again.
Life isn't a garden, so don't be a hoe.
There's no "we" in food. Get away from me.
My girlfriend just walked in and called me gay. If my nails weren't drying I swear to God..
A dick has a sad life... His neighbors are nuts, his bestfriend's a pussy, his owner beats him, and his hair is a mess.
My cooking skills are so good, the smoke detectors cheer me on.
I hate chicks that push their ass out as they walk. You know you look like a retarded Flamingo, right?
16&Pregnant. 15&Fucking. 14&sucking. 13&Licking. 12&Fingering. 11&Rubbing. 10&Touching. 9&Kissing ..Welcome to our Fucked up generation...
You never truly appreciate how nice it is to be able to breathe through your nose until you get a cold.
If you ever feel sad remember that there's a number you can call and a Pizza will be there in 30 minutes.
Two girls wear the same shirt: "She copied my style!" Two guys wear the same shirt: "BRO!"
How do five gay guys walk? In One Direction
"You're so lazy." "No, I'm not. I've been converting oxygen into... carbon dioxide all day."
Dear Math, I'm sick and tired of finding your "x". Just accept the fact that she's gone. Move on dude...
My penis is so polite. It stands up so ladies can sit down.
Teens: I like to smoke weed and get high. Me: Sometimes when it's cold, I like to breathe really heavy and pretend I'm a dragon.
I found a penny just now, it reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everyone's pants.
Why are boobs attractive? They are two balls of fat on a girls chest? Why can't all the other fat be attractive too?
Boys vs. Girls - Awkward Fb relationship statuses…