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Funny Laugh
comedy fun funnytweets jokes 266,526 followers
I may not be a genie, but I can make your tweets come true!
Attractive girls are always the most insecure. While these Shrek looking bitches, walk around thinking they're the shit.
To be honest, I really don't give a fuck. I lose friends, make friends and make enemies everyday. Regardless, I'm still going to be me.
me: i cant eat anymore im full food: eat me me: ok
To my ex: You're supposed to make me jealous, not die laughing at your new choice.
When I get mad at someone, I'm silent.... because if I speak my mind, sh*ts gonna get real.
If you don't have anything nice to say, tweet that shit.
every once in a while i check up on people i hate to make sure i still hate them i do
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I tell Cupid to shoot you with that arrow one more time?
they say the best things in life are free is food free? are clothes free? thought so..
“you’ve changed” nah i just stopped trying to please your ass
"ok" and "okay" sound different in my head
people get mad that i never hang out with them but have you tried inviting me lol
Sorry, I didn't get your text. Just kidding I ignored that shit.
I don't care how loud I'm laughing, I'm having fun and you're not.
I have time for:• Twitter • Texting • Eating • Listening to music Now notice bullshit wasn't on that list.
When girls call their boyfriends “daddy” I just want to vomit all over their existence
Being replaced? I swear that hurts more than the breakup.
That epic and awesome feeling you get when you open a jar everyone else was struggling with.
My doctor told me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks. So I have to sit when I pee now.
Dear everyone, upset, bored, angry or hungry - I'm here for you. Sincerely, fridge
Need a girlfriend? Find a job first.
People need to know how to mind their business.
Reasons why I'm Single right now: ✔ can't date the internet. ✔ can't date my favorite celebrity. ✔ can't date myself. ✔ can't date music