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Funny Laugh
comedy fun funnytweets jokes 265,925 followers
If you don't have anything nice to say, tweet that shit.
every once in a while i check up on people i hate to make sure i still hate them i do
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I tell Cupid to shoot you with that arrow one more time?
they say the best things in life are free is food free? are clothes free? thought so..
“you’ve changed” nah i just stopped trying to please your ass
"ok" and "okay" sound different in my head
people get mad that i never hang out with them but have you tried inviting me lol
Sorry, I didn't get your text. Just kidding I ignored that shit.
I don't care how loud I'm laughing, I'm having fun and you're not.
I have time for:• Twitter • Texting • Eating • Listening to music Now notice bullshit wasn't on that list.
When girls call their boyfriends “daddy” I just want to vomit all over their existence
Being replaced? I swear that hurts more than the breakup.
That epic and awesome feeling you get when you open a jar everyone else was struggling with.
My doctor told me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks. So I have to sit when I pee now.
Dear everyone, upset, bored, angry or hungry - I'm here for you. Sincerely, fridge
Need a girlfriend? Find a job first.
People need to know how to mind their business.
Reasons why I'm Single right now: ✔ can't date the internet. ✔ can't date my favorite celebrity. ✔ can't date myself. ✔ can't date music
That awkward moment when an onion says something really offensive to make you cry.
Bitches be posting twerk videos on Facebook, but be too shy to present their project in class
I'm a bitch to those who deserve it
I'm single, but you gotta be fucking amazing to change that.
i want to travel the world but i also want to stay in my bed
Men are born between a woman's legs and spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in them. Why? Because there's no place like home.