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Funny Laugh
seriously if i am not hot in the next few months i'm going to sue my parents
If you can make me laugh, then you're automatically more attractive
Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.
I text back embarrassingly fast or three hours later there is no in between
Maybe you should eat makeup so you will be pretty on the inside too bitch!
I have 3 moods: - Skips every song on my iPod. - Lets the music play without interruption. - Plays the same song on repeat for days.
*At school* Teacher: "watch your language" me: oh shit sorry
why is it called "beauty sleep" when you wake up looking like a troll
Why do people in Horror Movies yell out “Hello?” as if the killer is gonna say “yeah, I’m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?”
i really hate people who think that “freedom of speech” means “i can be as rude and insulting as i want and you’re not allowed to get mad”
Can't wait until phones become waterproof so pushing people in pools becomes funny again.
If you say LOL or OMG out loud, I don’t like you
iPhone 6 for $900 or a ski mask for $1.99.. Your choice
do you ever hate someone so much but you don’t even have a valid reason you’re just like no
Bitches be fucking the same nigga & calling each other hoes... Nah boo y'all teammates
I deal with personal problems the same way I study for tests...I don't.
Alcohol doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean... on tables, chairs, and random people.
Dear naps, I'm sorry I was a jerk to you in kindergarten
CNN just said the world is forty trillion dollars in debt. Who the fuck does the world owe? Jupiter?
I'll admit that the Chinese kids in my math class are pretty smart. But doing it with their eyes closed? That's a bit cocky..
It took Harry Potter 7 long ass books to catch the bad guy. It only takes Scooby-Doo 25 minutes.
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone’s mouth while they’re talking?
oh sorry i was thinking about myself did you want something
ever been so tired ur eyelids burn when u blink
Sometimes I look at my friends and think to myself, "Where did I meet these crazy people?" But then I think "What would I do without them?"
I want to be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.
If i stay in bed i’ll be warm if i get in the shower i’ll also be warm but the distance between the bed and the shower that is not warm
sometimes when I say “Im okay” what I rly want is for someone to hold my hand look me in the eyes and say “I know ur not okay here is $1000"
99% of the teenagers are hot. The other 1% go to my school.
mark, my words. *mark brings me my dictionary* thank you mark
Why is it I barely have any signal in my house but the Taliban can upload videos from a cave in Afghanistan?
70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered with idiots
My love is like a candle..... because if u forget about me I will burn ur fucking house to the ground
Can't spell slut without u, bitch.
Understanding women is not a mystery. When you're wrong, you apologize and when she's wrong, you apologize
being the unattractive friend is not easy, i don’t think we get enough credit
do u ever forget to sleep or eat or drink water or something and ur like “oh shit yeah I need that to live”
If bae doesn't stalk your tweets then bae is not bae.
My phone battery lasts longer than most relationships nowadays.
Hairdresser: do you like it? Me: yes thank you *goes home and cries*
when your girlfriend says "I need some space"