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Me: "Would you wear socks if you had no feet?" Girl: "No?" Me: "Then why do you wear a bra?"
"How do I look?" Friend: "You look fine." Good Friend: "You look really pretty." Best Friend: "You look horrible"
Grab your girlfriends ass as much as possible, your relationship will last longer
No pants are the best pants
current mood: i need sleep
RIP to my gpa/immune system/sleep schedule/bank account/life/me
it’s not you’re* or your*. it’s all Mine. everything is Mine
“on average, there are 7 people in the world that look similar to u” omg bless your souls i hope you’re ok im sorry
im dropping out of school to become a full time piece of shit
Eating popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
I'm on my phone 24/7 so if I haven't replied to you in 20 minutes I probably pulled the notification bar down and never got back to you
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of bullshit.
So which is the most embarrassing mom on FB? (Hint no.5😄😄�…gDe
Teacher: Don't pack up yet. There's still 30 seconds of class left.
when did we replace the word “said” with “was like”
i have been tired for the past 5 years
i mean i know i can be really mean and stuff but deep down i am actually still pretty mean and stuff
what’s it called when you have friends but you’re still lonely
I have many talents... For example: Sleeping.
The only thing that matters at the end of the day
For every male action, there is a female overreaction.
people: u should smile me: not unless u deposit 2 million dollars in my bank account thanks
"So how long have you been single?" "Since birth."
"Money won’t make you happy" Yeah, financial stability is just horrible
netflix is my social life
Twitter didn't ruin my life. I was already a loser before I joined this website
Fun prank: replace sugar at restaurants with cocaine
when someone you hate tries to make a joke
This semester isn't finished, but I sure am.
my favorite part of the day is when i get to go to bed
Do you ever just like flex your foot wrong and it cramps and you’re just like this is it, this is how it ends
every year I realize how stupid I was the year before
Best joke ever: My love life.
Nice tan, what's your race? Carrot?
telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat
I’m basically just a hopeless romantic with a dirty mind who has high standards
School fucked up my sleeping pattern now i can't sleep in on weekends
i hate waking up from naps cause i'm always confused like where am i what time is it is this earth where's my mom
Congrats on being one of the "cool kids" in Highschool. Too bad about the rest of your life though.
At 18, you can legally fight for your country but not drink a beer. Good job America.