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Kinda mad that I cant breathe underwater..
I'm made of sarcasm and sexual frustration..
*steals ur girl, mom finds out and makes me return her and apologize*
Doctor: do you drink or smoke? Me: no Doctor: (under his breath) what a loser
Planes are a very endangered specie and it's rare to see them out in their natural habitat..
Me trying to find some rich and about to die to marry..
*fake coughs under breath* sexist
The question should be, "Have I never thought of this?"
Holy crap I just tried it and it works.. By the way can I crash at one of your places tonight?
Going to Mcdonald’s for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug...
@EyeSanity he'd have gotten the chairs in texas
Retweeted by EyeSanity
I'm not sure how want to taste his vanilla cream..
That doesn't look like a paper plate to me..
200% sure that all of my friend have secret meetings where they just talk about how annoying I am..
Someone needs to throw Brendon behind bars..
Maybe I am maybelline..
I was addicted to soap once.. I'm all clean now.
Can't be a vegan.... They would have told you about it.
Looks like it's going to be a little nippy..
Forcing my friends to go on my Twitter..
That's not even her final form..
"How the hell do you get out of this place???"
I'm ready to go in, coach, just give me a chance. I know there's a lot of riding on it, but it's all psychological...
I get insanely uncomfortable when people have their own selfies as their phone wallpaper...
I'm ok with spending $40 on food but I wont buy a $40 shirt..
That moment when friends make plans in front of you but don’t invite you..