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Shits about to go down...
In their pants.
He can't help but look at the hole.. It's a golfers instinct.
Still the hottest Kardashian..
When your teacher asks you to hand in your essay but you're Mexican and don't want to be a snitch...
I'm gonna tell him...
Oh great so the Kyle Jenner thing is happening now..
Woah calm down Satan..
Anyone else see the naked guy run through the back?
Left hand, first day.. Right hand, last day.
Nah it's just a black lab..
When you drop your spoon into the bowl of cereal and you have to drink your way to the spoon..
My phone went from 98% to 41% just tweeting this picture..
45... Just in case.
*me about to shave my beard*
Me: hoe don't do it
Me: *shaves beard*
Me: oh my god
Looking forward to the next feature of the X-Men series..
That 20 min of death when waiting for your pizza after you order it..
*Blows bubble, spends 3 minutes getting bubble gum out of beard*
I have a fear of season finales...
*moves to a nudist colony because he can't afford clothes*
Food will always taste better when you take it from another person..
I saw my neighbour still has his Xmas lights up and I am thinking he may be dead..
Right at this very moment a teenager is pissed off because their mother didn't close their door...
Why doesn't the pope just bless the whole ocean?
I read the dead tattooed tree before it was a movie...
*Swallows pills without water* hardcore af
Life Hack: Ladies save time by only shaving one leg and then walk next to walls...
I'll ask my mum if I can send you nudes...
*types without looking at keyboard, accidentally hacks NASA*
Useless Fact: A Buttload of dildos is only one dildo...
Nah it's cool, it’s fine, I'll just text myself back...
*masturbates anxiety away*
*precisely determines where I should take next bite of Taco*
Have you ever imagined what happened 10 Thousand years ago in the very spot that you are in right now...
*still thinks about world Championship Wrestling when he sees #WCW
Anyone know how to travel the world on a budget? I have like... $7.
Fun size chocolate bars become just chocolate bars after you have eaten 30...
iPhone's need a Mirror filter... Because I swear I looked better in the mirror than I did in this selfie.
Thankyou "Spooning" for confusing my penis...
Well time for my cardio workout.. *masturbates*
Please don't be one of those people that scream when the lights go out...
Anyone know how to get my sex tape on Netflix?
*violently screams as he stretches *
*sends risky DM*
Me: Nothing could possibly go wrong..
I wanted to gain money and lose weight.. Not the other way round.
Them: If you keep listening to your music that loudly you are going to go deaf..
Just burnt a Pokemon.. Now all I have is Ash.
Laughing at a joke you don’t understand then having someone ask you to explain it...
Taking off your headphones ever 2 minutes because anxiety takes over and you think someone is calling your name...