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Elise Schreiner
441 followers
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The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese lol
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
tryna get my beer gut big enough so I can eat chicken nuggets off of it
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
HAPPY TAX DAY RACHEL! Oh and birthday pic.twitter.com/IgepRXlZb3
*password is too weak* *password starts working out* *password enters weightlifting competition*
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
bro get over here. that anchorman reference you made a couple minutes ago? that was SICK. everyone at this party fucking loves you now.
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
Fine line between selfishness and happiness
I have been waiting for this day my entire life pic.twitter.com/ebPsQKIxeI
Beyonce's last album has sold over 2 million digital copies. How many digital copies did the Beatles sell in the sixties? 0.
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
Someone tell Karly I just bought her a matching shirt and that I'm wearing it to her wedding pic.twitter.com/N6hojHTGVd
I hate disappointing just one person, and I really hate disappointing everyone... But I love Burlington coat factory pic.twitter.com/BsXWmeTBPa
[hospital] "I'm afraid it's bad news. Your husband will never walk again" "Oh God, he's paralysed?" "No, someone's bought him rollerblades"
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
And so then I just said to God "like whatever, God. As if." pic.twitter.com/V1eZjuJplL
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
My chin looks concerned about something pic.twitter.com/Y2TSJOpQ1S
I've been texting a different line from Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley to a dude every day. He has no idea & thinks I care a lot.
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
*sees homeless man shivering* *reaches into wallet* *pulls out mixtape* *homeless man rubs hands together and holds them close to mixtape*
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
*Kanye watching the weather "There will be heavy rainfall coming in from the north west" Kanye- "Im sick of the media harassin my family"
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
Priest: *points to Jesus on the cross* What does this teach us? Me: That Jesus did lots of crunches?
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
Did you guys hear Ted Cruise is running for president pic.twitter.com/GoGRMDdMie
The real love is found in @wizzkarlifa 's header
if u want to fall in love take a good look at @Eschreinz twitter pic
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner