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Elise Schreiner
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If anyone left their freshman at the north game unattended please come back and pick them up pic.twitter.com/sxHAROEAMj
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
girl: omg i love fall me: oh really? name 5 of their albums
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
The only way to get a guy to like you is to retweet "touch my butt and buy me pizza" There's no other way
Bae: come over Me: I can't there's a torrential downpour Bae: no ones home Me: pic.twitter.com/HLF2ISA10t
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
When you're taking a test and the kid in front of you is farting up a storm pic.twitter.com/zh6sGxy7eq
Me: *sits on couch looking like I normally do* Mom: this is why you don't have a boyfriend What.
11 year olds in my sisters group chat on her phone pic.twitter.com/OXHcCqKJvO
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
Mom, you hang this up in the middle of our foyer then ask why I won't invite friends over pic.twitter.com/uk1aNF3eyE
This isn't a phase mom this is who I am pic.twitter.com/3VuMxG8FxD
[Me] Goodnight Moon [Moon] U got kik?
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A relationship so casual, you don't even know you're in one.
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
Do you ever read a word wrong your whole life because you've never heard it pronounced? Like bourgeois or ornery or I'm proud of you?
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
*first astronaut lands on Mars* NASA: How does it feel son? Astronaut: Feels pretty good to be 33 million miles away from Dave Matthews Band
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im easily the most humble person on earth
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This school year has been pretty dang great so far
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
Megan! You looks so pretty in your profile picture! pic.twitter.com/OjtDXtDgxR
My boss told me "make customers food that u would eat" I'm not sure I should abide by this considering I eat questionable food off the floor
My parents have brought a priest into our house to pray with them, they've taken this to a whole new level
Doctor: I'm not going to sugar coat this: You're a diabetic.
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
Wanna feel old? This is the girl who played Lizzie McGuire pic.twitter.com/c0WNQa3mvx
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
I always secretly wanted Toby and Pam to end up together
Crickets are the biggest douche bags of all the insects
I fell in love with you the way I fell asleep.. I didn't, because I was too busy staying up all night with my homework
*dog starts wagging his tail* Who's a good boy? *he stops* "Not me" *dog puts on leather jacket* "Not anymore" *dog gets covered in bitches*
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
Superman: Got the new iPhone 6. Batman: ... Superman: It's really new. Batman: ... Superman: Bet you don't have- Batman: I HAVE A BATMOBILE
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
I really appreciate my life and everyone in it
When ur mom packs u a tampon instead of a cheese stick << pic.twitter.com/pZYL0CJXrx
Just saw a yard sign that changed all of my political beliefs.
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
This how I fell when I want to call by boyfriend😫�pic.twitter.com/w6kcG1QF0j0j
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
When god gives you his power so you can save the Jews pic.twitter.com/ophYiHXc42
When u join a gang bc your mom gave up on you pic.twitter.com/z5OtZd8Wci
When u wake up and pour yourself a bowl of cereal then realize u trippin shit pic.twitter.com/QjO97Gyc6J