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Elise Schreiner
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At this point the angel on my shoulder just mutters “You’ll regret it,” then slowly sips whiskey.
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
Seniors have to call upon the good lord bc they kno they beat
people always tell me im hanging out with the wrong crowd they're always like "Elise get over here you dont even know those people"
Grandma said I was looking buff, so I guess you could say its been a damn good day
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
If anyone left their freshman at the north game unattended please come back and pick them up
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
girl: omg i love fall me: oh really? name 5 of their albums
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
The only way to get a guy to like you is to retweet "touch my butt and buy me pizza" There's no other way
Bae: come over Me: I can't there's a torrential downpour Bae: no ones home Me:
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
When you're taking a test and the kid in front of you is farting up a storm
Me: *sits on couch looking like I normally do* Mom: this is why you don't have a boyfriend What.
11 year olds in my sisters group chat on her phone
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
Mom, you hang this up in the middle of our foyer then ask why I won't invite friends over
This isn't a phase mom this is who I am
[Me] Goodnight Moon [Moon] U got kik?
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A relationship so casual, you don't even know you're in one.
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
Do you ever read a word wrong your whole life because you've never heard it pronounced? Like bourgeois or ornery or I'm proud of you?
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner