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Elise Schreiner
Want to Grow Your Twitter Audience, Free?
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese lol
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
tryna get my beer gut big enough so I can eat chicken nuggets off of it
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
HAPPY TAX DAY RACHEL! Oh and birthday
*password is too weak* *password starts working out* *password enters weightlifting competition*
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
bro get over here. that anchorman reference you made a couple minutes ago? that was SICK. everyone at this party fucking loves you now.
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
Fine line between selfishness and happiness
I have been waiting for this day my entire life
Beyonce's last album has sold over 2 million digital copies. How many digital copies did the Beatles sell in the sixties? 0.
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
Someone tell Karly I just bought her a matching shirt and that I'm wearing it to her wedding
I hate disappointing just one person, and I really hate disappointing everyone... But I love Burlington coat factory
[hospital] "I'm afraid it's bad news. Your husband will never walk again" "Oh God, he's paralysed?" "No, someone's bought him rollerblades"
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
And so then I just said to God "like whatever, God. As if."
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
My chin looks concerned about something
I've been texting a different line from Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley to a dude every day. He has no idea & thinks I care a lot.
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
*sees homeless man shivering* *reaches into wallet* *pulls out mixtape* *homeless man rubs hands together and holds them close to mixtape*
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
*Kanye watching the weather "There will be heavy rainfall coming in from the north west" Kanye- "Im sick of the media harassin my family"
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
Priest: *points to Jesus on the cross* What does this teach us? Me: That Jesus did lots of crunches?
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner
Did you guys hear Ted Cruise is running for president
The real love is found in @wizzkarlifa 's header
if u want to fall in love take a good look at @Eschreinz twitter pic
Retweeted by Elise Schreiner