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comedymovies 9,097 followers
I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?
In whiskey there is honesty, in wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.
Retweeted by ΞSP
All shoes are technically buy one get one free.
Retweeted by ΞSP
Indians are obsessed with screen guards on their smart phones but never bother wearing a helmet on their head while riding bikes.
Retweeted by ΞSP
If u want to help poor people, help those who do small jobs.These people had the same opportunities as beggars, but they decided not to beg.
Retweeted by ΞSP
Be a little selfish and do something for yourself every day, something different once a month and something spectacular every year.
killing for religion is apparently the new black! the sad truth of all is that nobody kills for religion though...
Everything in life is a trade-off. You give up one thing to get another and you can’t have it all. Accept that.
Don’t tolerate people who don’t treat you well. Period. Don’t tolerate them for financial reasons.Don’t tolerate them for emotional reasons.
didn't see it coming... #shaw going away in such a blaze of glory... #PersonOfInterest
you're so cold, that even the air hurts my face...
dear, why bother with a mirror when you can look into my eyes?
all it took was two masked idiots to create a carnage and bring hatred for Muslims in everyone's hearts... #ParisShooting #JeSuisCharlie
FB stalking in progress...brb.
Beauty is not defined by the size of your jeans...
You can spend ages analysing a situation; trying to put the pieces together or just leave the pieces on the floor & move the fuck on.
WAKE UP! Kick Ass. Be Kind. REPEAT.
Mein kisi kaam ka nahin warna, Woh kisi kaam se hi aa jati..
Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it...
Bugger, dripped cheese from my burger on to my Blackberry... #MiddleClassProblems #sigh
burnt my tongue while eat a piping hot pizza... #MiddleClassProblems #sigh
Just stubbed my toe on edge of a lego set... #MiddleClassProblems #sigh
just poked myself in the eye with my credit card... #MiddleClassProblems #sigh
Biscuit khane ka man kar raha hai, chalo blood donate kar aate hain
Retweeted by ΞSP
don't you just hate when you looking forward to meeting someone and they have no time for you... #Sigh
chasing the money, money, money... chasing the money, money, money... chasing the money, money, money... #monday #monday #monday
i would be you. you would be me. we would be one. we would be just fine..
Free unlimited cloud storage and media streaming. Awesome.
even when I'm not with you, you make me happy. thinking of ya...
you twerked your way into my heart...
Stay fit. Stay constant. Stay in touch with your emotions. And have a sense of humor.
forget coffee, you're my caffeine fix...
When you wake up in the morning you have two choices: go back to sleep, or wake up and chase those dreams..
...while waiting for moments that never came...
by the time i got used to writing 2014 in my's 2015! #sigh
My answer to What would make you buy fruits online?
dear, give me your fears...
i wish i were a bird...i have a long list of people to poop on...
don't cry because it;s over, smile because it happened...
waited, waited...tired of waiting...
is it rude to reply rudeness with rudeness?
call me...i'm looking forward to hanging up your call! :)
it has taken me a while to realize that a step backwards after taking a step forward is not a disaster, but it's more like a cha-cha...
The crisis of desire is often a crisis of the imagination...
I’ve learnt that people might forget what you said and did, but will never forget how you made them feel...
if taking to that someone special rejuvenates you - that's your soul mate in my books!
The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for...
she told him that she loved him. now if she had added an "only", where would she have placed it in the sentence, i wonder...
The Camp Gyno is the perfect example of how to tackle a taboo subject with humor: #HelloFlo