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ΞSP
comedymovies 9,097 followers
worst part of committing yourself to a television series is being left with a cliffhanger series finale... #FU #sigh
My sex tape is just me caught on the security cameras picking my nose without a care in the world...
recently me and the siblings asked mom whom she liked the most...to which she replied, "i really don't like either one of ya..." #facepalm
If you don't like the current emotion please check back in a few hours for the next one.
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it's too lonely at the top of the ladder; itoo crowded at the bottom' and darn tiring to hold on to the rungs in the middle! #sigh
i'm glad they're not sending married couples on the Mars mission...imagine if the wife decides to kick the husband out for the night...
chasing rainbows...pot of gold nowhere to be found.
a German, an Indian and a French man enters into a bar...but what's interesting is two tigers high five each other... pic.twitter.com/JEhWW68I9s
lately, it seems we are all part of this strange banana experiment... johnstepper.com/2013/10/26/the…
> Unsubscribe from LinkedIn > Delete email account > Sell house, live in woods > Find bottle in river > Has note inside > It's from LinkedIn
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the barista misspelled your name again? aww...do tell me more about your tragic morning...
my boss is very punctual. that is why i think the perfect tribute to him would be to cremate his body and put the ashes in an hourglass...
Even when I cross a "one way road", I still look on both the sides . Just in case there are any women driving
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tried on a fruit smelling cream sample...suddenly tempted to eat my own leg. smells like mango, probably tastes like a rare steak though..
Aww. Salman Bhai will be meeting Sanju baba. Only, Madhuri bhabi is missing now...
Falling asleep every night would be so much easier with you next to me
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I'm attracted to you. Leave now. Save yourself.
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Are you just a dream I'm trying to hold onto before it fades completely away
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Don't defend your guilty conscience with lies.
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If you must #StandBySalman make sure you aren't on the pavement.
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Sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right.
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The weariness of talking for the sake of talking.
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Narendra Modi visits so many countries to personally find out where Dawood Ibrahim is.
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Entire family of Salman Khan is in court to support him. - This is what happens when you are the only bread winner in family.
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There's so much on the internet these days, it's almost like a full time job to keep yourself updated with everything.
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You ignore those who want you, want those who ignore you, love those who hurt you, and hurt those love you... How lovely!
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Make most of your life while the battery lasts.
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someone scratching your itchy back vs sex... hmmm, that's a hard one!
It's fucking so difficult to plug in the charger in the dark. Men, I feel for you.
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feel like i'm on a life support machine and everyone just keeps pulling the cord...just to charge their cell phones... #sigh
when you thought what the next gold standard of a douchebag would be...apple comes along and brings you the $10,000 watch...
trouble with your boss and coworkers following you on your twitter is that you can no longer talk shit about them...
buying a gold class ticket for a metro ride is like paying more so that you can stand with a better class of person…
Statistics of #MayweatherPacquiao fight: #Pacquiao: 240 hits & 30 successful #Mayweather: 256 hugs & 45 km running pic.twitter.com/jSvYIHXvLV
Hope can carry you till a certain extent. After that, someone better ping you soon...
wonder if the courteous people I met on the London Underground practiced their apologizing to inanimate objects they bump into at night?
it's the hope that causes pain...
Me: you want to eat carrots? Toddler: no Me: broccoli? Toddler: NO! Me: banana? Toddler: no Me: then what? Toddler: chocolates! Me: NO!
the enemy of my enemy is also my enemy...and people wonder why my relationship status is complicated...
ever tried to kiss yourself in the mirror? ...believe it or not, you can only kiss yourself on the lips... ;)
if i had a twin...i'd have the perfect alibi to all my crimes.
People who promise to call back and don't...may their iPhones rest at the bottom of the WC...
wait, wait, wait...this waiting game is playing a havoc on my soul...
50 shades of i-can't-believe-this-is-happening-to-me....
Saw two construction workers sitting together and laughing. Wonder what they're building...friendship? 😁
everyone nudging me to live healthier, so started exercising. well, sort of.. ok. fine! atleast I THOUGHT of exercising.
Every morning I find myself staring into the bottom of my coffee cup & pondering over earth shattering questions like, "Why am I awake?"
talking to this incredibly sexy woman, and my mind is somewhere else...maybe i'm coming down with something...
scores of my ancestors fought to survive so I could one day tweet crap...that's Darwinism 101 for you!
When good stuff is happening in my life I spend most of that time waiting for it to get bad again
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