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ΞSP
comedymovies 9,097 followers
I like the jealous you... 😍
your dinner vs my movie...
Waiting to hear back on something or someone feels like watching a never ending suspense movie..for Lord's sake just tell me who killed who!
No matter how hard you try, you can never remain angry for long with people you love...
at times feels like I'm sabotaging my own happiness...
heart got broken again...applying superglue. brb.
Marriage isn't love. It's the ability to tolerate each other's farts without killing one another...
You know you're getting old when you prefer bed napping to bar hopping...
Class reunion : mentally comparing who's gone fat and bald...
life just passed me by and showed me the middle finger...
Is it too late to ask for a script change? I need more action and less drama in my life...
When you run out of things to say...yes, that.
I wanna tell you that I'm there for you...but am I?
It takes less muscles to smile than to frown. It takes even lesser muscles to pull the trigger...your move.
I wish losing weight was as easy as losing my keys, my phone, my patience or my mind.
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When a woman says "whatever" or "fine" in an argument, what she means & hopes is that you get shot, run over by a car & mauled by lions.
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Life is too short for sadness. Smile, laugh, raise hell. Do what makes you happy & if someone doesn't like it, that's their problem.
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You've caught me at a bad time... -me, my entire adult life
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Things I've learned in my 20's: If you don't change the things or people around you that you don't like year after year after year…you lose.
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No question is a stupid question if you're pretty enough
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I'm pretty sure you and I, we'll be able to perform miracles together.
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Friendship's biggest test: Distance.
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Once you have true feelings for someone, it will always be there. You may not like them anymore, but you still care........
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GOOD NEWS: I'm now your girlfriend! BAD NEWS: I'm now your girlfriend!
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"You can't sleep either?" Says a voice from under your bed.
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I'm at that age now where I realize I should have started exercising 20 years ago
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Let's not quibble or bicker over what's the best synonym for arguing, okay?
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Sleeping Beauty is so unrealistic, no woman wants to be woken up from a nap
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Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario &how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal, but had no milk. I used ice cream.
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I'm not saying I'm bilingual but eye rolls translate in all languages.
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They should be teaching kids that the prince and princess riding on a horse into the sunset end up having affairs, get fat and die
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Got in a killer workout when I bent down to tie my shoes
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I've lost so many friends to babies.
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One day you’re going to find someone that exceeds all your expectations, fall in love with them & you’re going to fuck it all up. Good talk
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What is it about nights and your recurring haunting memories?
had a terrible first date with a treadmill last night...kept asking me so many personal questions about my height, weight, sex...
forevers are composed of many many nows...
i'm mentally correcting your grammar...brb.
are we so bored of our mundane lives that gossip is the only entertainment left?
sometimes i wonder, do i even make any sense?
one would imagine that after wearing all those blindfolds in Fifty Shades of Grey, someone would hit a piñata..
I'd do anything for love... terms and conditions apply. please read the fine print.
If you get engaged and you and your partner both owns dogs do the dogs become brother and sister or are they married too?
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out searching for new ways to miss you...brb.
I've spent many hours standing at Connaught Place watching traffic. So I am well aware of the nuances of F1.
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the earth is my bed and the sky my roof... ~too drunk to get home