Weekend. Enjoying the tanhai.
In the flexible world of bigotry, we can even condemn people for crimes committed in our minds.
I look for letters in the letterbox, but all I find is electricity bills.
As long as I'm invited to the wedding I'm all pro for it. twitter.com/TheVacuumHead/…
Why teamwork is important
When the conversation starts to switch towards religion and politics, you realize that you were better off talking about the weather...
don't judge me. i just had my morning coffee at noon...
Everything in Dubai is king-sized... That's an actual badass freaking croissant!
would be you. you would be me. we would be one. we would be just fine..
went out looking to cure a small headache; came back with a massive tumor in the head... #sigh
I have to now pretend to not miss you...brb.
we are all but fighting for an illusion of peace...
Don't be fooled by that read receipt. I didn't read anything
Tata Tea's ad w/ such strong social message..makes you wake up! youtu.be/3I8iNkB16N0
"For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness."
Yeah, but I've got some time to kill, so fuck you.
Oh, you ran a marathon? I ate M&Ms while I sat on the toilet this morning.
When someone says "Nothing happened" the "except sex" is silent
No means no, except through duct tape. It sounds a lot like yes.
[20 years ago]
Mom: Don't ever get in a strangers car.
Me: I promise I won't.
*opens Uber app*
*waves down Uber driver*
If you can't have your cake and eat it too, then what the fuck are you supposed to do with the cake?
To print a document from your laptop:
1. Select document
2. Click "Print"
3. Walk over to printer to see what the damn problem is this time
It's gorgeous outside. I think I'll take a nap.
Hubs and I both have the flu.
Only difference is I'm cleaning the kitchen and he's dying.
It's fine to eat a "test" grape in the produce section but you take one bite of a rotisserie chicken and it's all, "sir you need to leave."
Ask your Dr. if your heart is healthy enough for sex. Then ask him if he knows anyone you can have sex with.
One day you're not old and the next day you have a favorite grocery store.
We all get there at the same speed-
sixty minutes per hour.
as long as you have God on your side , there is no reason to stress
"What new level of fresh Hell is this?"
Every. Fucking. Day.
Life mimicking art.
Ya she's just buying him vada pav not a Mercedes
Porn is so weird.
If this woman would just stop fucking every guy who comes to fix that copier... it might actually get fixed.
Marriage isn't being loved. It's the ability to tolerate each other's farts without killing one another.
a minute of happiness...a lifetime of moral dilemma
If twitter is to be believed, then marriage is a classic example of the Law of Diminishing Returns.
Tattoos. Because canvas paper was so expensive
I know enough to know I don't know shit.
Trudeau's charm is unreal.
"Lava is in the air."
- someone, somewhere in Iceland
- 'cos all Asians look the same... 😂twitter.com/_Ash_Clark/sta…
It's called a burial "plot" cuz it took some serious scheming to get you in it.
do well in school and get a good job because the more money you make the more puppies you can adopt and puppies are the root of happiness
I hate spelling errors. You mix up two letters and your whole tweet is urined.
Mummy working out in gym 😀�Qy
“Days keep getting worse, I’m just alive out of habit.”