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ΞSP

Weekend. Enjoying the tanhai.
In the flexible world of bigotry, we can even condemn people for crimes committed in our minds.
I look for letters in the letterbox, but all I find is electricity bills.
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As long as I'm invited to the wedding I'm all pro for it. twitter.com/TheVacuumHead/…
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yup, that how most of us feel about #brexit #sigh twitter.com/youngvulgarian…
When the conversation starts to switch towards religion and politics, you realize that you were better off talking about the weather...
don't judge me. i just had my morning coffee at noon...
Everything in Dubai is king-sized... That's an actual badass freaking croissant!
would be you. you would be me. we would be one. we would be just fine..
went out looking to cure a small headache; came back with a massive tumor in the head... #sigh
I have to now pretend to not miss you...brb.
we are all but fighting for an illusion of peace...
Don't be fooled by that read receipt. I didn't read anything
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Tata Tea's ad w/ such strong social message..makes you wake up! youtu.be/3I8iNkB16N0
"For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness." Yeah, but I've got some time to kill, so fuck you.
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Oh, you ran a marathon? I ate M&Ms while I sat on the toilet this morning.
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When someone says "Nothing happened" the "except sex" is silent
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No means no, except through duct tape. It sounds a lot like yes.
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[20 years ago] Mom: Don't ever get in a strangers car. Me: I promise I won't. [Now] *opens Uber app* *waves down Uber driver*
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If you can't have your cake and eat it too, then what the fuck are you supposed to do with the cake?
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To print a document from your laptop: 1. Select document 2. Click "Print" 3. Walk over to printer to see what the damn problem is this time
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It's gorgeous outside. I think I'll take a nap.
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Hubs and I both have the flu. Only difference is I'm cleaning the kitchen and he's dying.
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It's fine to eat a "test" grape in the produce section but you take one bite of a rotisserie chicken and it's all, "sir you need to leave."
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Ask your Dr. if your heart is healthy enough for sex. Then ask him if he knows anyone you can have sex with.
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One day you're not old and the next day you have a favorite grocery store.
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The future. We all get there at the same speed- sixty minutes per hour.
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as long as you have God on your side , there is no reason to stress
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*sees news* "What new level of fresh Hell is this?" Every. Fucking. Day.
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Ya she's just buying him vada pav not a Mercedes
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Porn is so weird. If this woman would just stop fucking every guy who comes to fix that copier... it might actually get fixed.
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Marriage isn't being loved. It's the ability to tolerate each other's farts without killing one another.
a minute of happiness...a lifetime of moral dilemma
If twitter is to be believed, then marriage is a classic example of the Law of Diminishing Returns.
Tattoos. Because canvas paper was so expensive
I know enough to know I don't know shit.
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Trudeau's charm is unreal.
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"Lava is in the air." - someone, somewhere in Iceland
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hmm. @Burberry logic: @rizmc = #DevPatel - 'cos all Asians look the same... 😂twitter.com/_Ash_Clark/sta…1
It's called a burial "plot" cuz it took some serious scheming to get you in it.
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do well in school and get a good job because the more money you make the more puppies you can adopt and puppies are the root of happiness
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I hate spelling errors. You mix up two letters and your whole tweet is urined.
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Mummy working out in gym 😀�Qy
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“Days keep getting worse, I’m just alive out of habit.”
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