Please upgrade your browser to make full use of twiends.   chrome   firefox   ie   safari  
Want a page like this?
James Vallance
Sarah McLachlan and Surprise Guest Perform "Angel" wp.me/p4ViPz-2p via @wordpressdotcom
i hate it after an argument, when i think of much more clever shit that i should have said.
Don't think I'm taking down my tweets just because they suck today! *whispers* Probably tonight when nobody is looking
Retweeted by James Vallance
It's raining, let's drink It's freezing, let's drink It's snowing, let's drink It's SUNNY Let's drink outside -the British
Retweeted by James Vallance
Single? Alone? 100% better than being with the wrong person
Retweeted by James Vallance
fucking pedestrians - me driving fucking cars - me walking
Retweeted by James Vallance
Panic attacks count as cardio right?
Retweeted by James Vallance
*pirouettes into your life *breaks your favorite lamp
Retweeted by James Vallance
How was I to know you were tying your shoelaces and not proposing?
Retweeted by James Vallance
If he retweets me and his profile picture shows a smile. Is it too early to buy the wedding dress?
Retweeted by James Vallance
Don't send me a dick pic. Send me a picture of you paying your bills.
Retweeted by James Vallance
No means no! Unless she's dyslexic; then it's on!
Retweeted by James Vallance
The hardest lessons are the ones where you didn't know you were the student
Retweeted by James Vallance
Friendship is so weird. You just pick a human and you're like "yep, I like this one". Then you just do stuff with them.
Retweeted by James Vallance
I love sleep because its like a time machine to breakfast.
Retweeted by James Vallance
We covered our faces in Nutella and vegemite just so you would all have something to retweet for #vote5sos pic.twitter.com/HVEfffhe65
Retweeted by James Vallance
The tooth fairy but for broken hearts and she leaves a cat under your pillow.
Retweeted by James Vallance
My wife:“That’s not the shirt I sent her to daycare in.” Me:“But it’s the right kid?” Wife: “Yes.” Me: “Awesome. I’m going to play Xbox”
Retweeted by James Vallance
"Do what you love." ~Rich people
Retweeted by James Vallance
A month without gym? Why don't I just start buying size 20 clothes right now.
Retweeted by James Vallance
My favorite part of boxing is when they stop to hug each other
Retweeted by James Vallance
"Dude! What the fuck? No kissing!" - all of my MMA opponents
Retweeted by James Vallance
it's business time how do i know it's business time it's thursday and thursday is business time
facebook has become like ancient Egypt, people write on walls, and worship cats.
what does it profit Islam, if she should gain Israel, or even the whole of the world, yet forfeit her own soul?
they say that i am the black sheep in the family, but i suspect that some of the white sheep are not so white as they appear. baaaa haha
your eyes tell me everything I'll ever need to know
Retweeted by James Vallance
writing ...because some stories are not yours to keep.
Retweeted by James Vallance
I typed hahahahahaha and it got autocorrected to hahaha and I was like, "yeah, you're probably right"
Retweeted by James Vallance
i came into this world kicking, screaming and covered in someone elses blood. i have no prob leaving the same way! #lol
The right person will make you believe that magic and fairy tales do exist.
Retweeted by James Vallance
Most guys that think they know everything about women usually lack one thing.... A woman.
Retweeted by James Vallance
@JamesCoolie Hey it had to be said. You shall know the true sons by their fruits. Can a bad tree produce good fruit?
Retweeted by James Vallance
The ISLAM is the mother and father of terror. I dont say all muslims are terrorist. But all terrorist are muslim.
You're not a real man until you can change a tire with...uh...one of those things.
Retweeted by James Vallance
جمع مخدة : مخدرات. I stole this tweet, I hope it’s good…because I can't read it.
Retweeted by James Vallance
My wife said she feels safe when I'm next to her in bed. I was surprised because our neighbors always scream after I snuggle up to them.
Retweeted by James Vallance
Taking candy from a baby is one thing. But taking batteries out of their toys and putting them into yours is something else entirely..
Retweeted by James Vallance
Woman: Three modes of angry. 1: the silent treatment. 2: hysterics. 3: "it's fine". The last resulting in her burning everything you own
Retweeted by James Vallance
It was in her amber eyes that she revealed herself, her amber eyes that betrayed her. “My name is Amber Eyes” she says. “Duh” I whisper back
Retweeted by James Vallance
are you beyoncé? ⚪yes ⚪no 🔘bitch i might be
Retweeted by James Vallance
Abs are for people who can't afford good food.
Retweeted by James Vallance
When someone with a lisp says "bithneth", you know they mean business.
Retweeted by James Vallance
I want fame and money, but I'm willing to settle for true love instead.
Retweeted by James Vallance
today is a perfect day to steal a goat.
Retweeted by James Vallance
How to fall down stairs Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
Retweeted by James Vallance
Nothing says doomed marriage like a cash bar at the wedding reception...
Retweeted by James Vallance