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James Vallance
funnytweets 212,924 followers
So I tweeted #TheGreatestTweetInTheWorld but this is not it. No this is just a tribute.
So there we were standing at this Bridge then Frodo said to me, here You take this ring.
I am the Way,the Truth and the Life. No Man comes to the Father but through Me - Jesus Christ
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I DO WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT, WHEREVER I WANT!! As long as my mom says its ok...
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If there is anyone on Twitter that I never insulted today then I will try to get around to you next week.
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I do what the voices in my wifes head tell me to do
That moment when you read something and think, I wish I tweeted that. *almost everything
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My Pet Rock gets quite chatty after weve had a few beers togeather,lol.
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RT @JamesCoolie #lol "NO OFFENSE" means- I am about to insult you but do not get angry... "NO OFFENSE TAKEN" means- You,ll Keep
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Cuddling is simply the best thing ever.👍❤️
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no, my pets arent spoiled, I am just well trained.
Without the Earth, we have no water.
I have always been suspicious of Wendy's hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
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Tweet like a free bird
#TryingToUnderstandWomenIs ...like trying to smell the number 9
Boss: This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means? Me: That it's only Wednesday
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Q: How many humans does it take to ensure peace on earth? A: Zero.
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My weapon of choice is a loaded vocabulary.
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Tweet like nobody is watching.
Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. -Romans 10:13
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I only kept your hoodie because I paid for it.
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I want to live in a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.
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the real purpose of a childs middle name, is so that they will know, when they are really in trouble.
No, LinkedIn. I would not like to link my Twitter account but thank you for trying to get me unemployed for life.
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First rule of Nerd Club : If you get laid, you're out of Nerd Club.
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Excuse me, I'm just going to need a moment to savor that fancy ass chocolate the hubs gave me Damn. This has probably created expectations
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New Year's Eve proves that even ugly people are kissable when they wear party hats.
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If you're going to tell me I'm smothering you, don't be surprised when I do.
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If you desire to be good, begin by believing that you are wicked. Epictetus
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If God were not willing to forgive sin, heaven would be empty. German Proverb
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What if I told you that we all have problems? but some of us choose not to plaster them all over facebook pic.twitter.com/GDyAmhCzbV
You don't win in the end. It's what you do before then that sets you free.
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I'm Ka Pai With A Little Help From My Friends #NZBeatlesSongs
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