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Parents: teach your kids not to litter - or they'll eventually get eaten by that bear following a trash trail. #TheMoreYouKnow
Because there's nothin' funnier than a pile of babies.
Going to a "play date" for babies under a year. I'm guessing we'll be putting the babies in a pile so we can enjoy our mixed drinks.
"Open a leaf to let the balls out!" - clearly, someone did not think through the dialogue for this children's toy.
Shout-out to those who like 1970's modern art. You remember those days when the word "modern" meant nobody had done it before?
Painting backgrounds for this animation is like riding a horse - afterward your butt hurts, but it was still fun.
Grandma: "What? The president is in a dress?"
Thoughts look better on paper when you sketch them out.
Follow your dreams. Or, if you don't have any at the moment, you could follow MLK's awesome dream. Happy #MartinLutherKingDay
Hope our baby grows up to solve wars & bring word peace... but not in a beauty pageant sort of way - those dames can barely solve for "X".
Abracadabra, I will now pull a doughnut out of your ear.
See your name at the end credits of a #HorrorComedyMovie for only $10! Support #IndieFilmMakers, go to:…
Like #Comedy and #Horror all in the same movie? Support indie artists & actors in "Wait, Wait, Don't Kill Me!"…
Have a look at I'm doing some work for them nice folks at @wwdkmfilm. #Horror #comedy #movietwit
Yea, we're doing all our drinking now. #NewYearsEve #HappyNewYear #Parenthood
Sure, eat anything you want (yarn, knives, those little plastic sword-shaped toothpicks). Just don't sell it to kids as food. #TransFats
"Bacon: so delicious it's banned by two major religions." - #HusbandQuotes
"Go, go, gadget boobs!" - what I'm thinking every time the baby cries while I'm driving. #motherhood
The days of finding old family pics in a box in the basement are over. Enter the days of discovering a dusty, unmarked flash drive.
The "F" word never fails to make a stubbed toe feel better.
You can't enlighten someone by blowing a horn at them... or, maybe you can on the #EastCoast. #EastCoastDrivers
Drink the baby, burp the beer... I could use more sleep. #parenting
Hope Amazon diapers are gluten free - in fact, some babies eat their diapers:…
#SketchOfTheDay - well, actually, this one is from yesterday when I was too busy to post it...…
Taking note on how my name fits neatly into the word 'excellent'.
"Vegetarians are only 3 beers away from eating a meatball." - Favorite quote of the evening #FriendQuotes
The great and powerful baby has spoken. All hail the baby! #parenthood
R.I.P., Tom Magliozzi
News Flash: cats fed on a schedule don't understand #DaylightSavingTime
Changing diapers: it's all about waiting for the other poo to drop. #parenthood
My new reply to: "Are you going natural?" Me: "Yes! But, we're still looking for a good placenta got one?" #PregnancyProblems
Ah, the majestic and noble salted-caramel doughnut. Thank you, Beiler's.
For that special microbiologist working on a cure or vaccination for Ebola…
Virtual shout-out to the runners! Go runners! #ChicagoMarathon
Smiley faces are a non-offensive, digestible form of communicating in text, diffusing any potential for comment-section-warfare. :)
Many ask: "Are you going natural?" Me: "Sure! We plan on hiking through the woods to give birth in the river." #PregnancyProblems #FavReply
Damn, dropped a work tool on the floor again... #PregnancyProblems
♪ ♬ It's getting cold in here, so put on all your cloths. I am getting so cold, I wanna put more cloths on! ♪ ♬
#CVS expects $2 billion loss for removing tobacco products "to promote public health"... plans to make it up in Halloween candy sales.
Ebola in Texas, Ebola in DC, and now, Ebola on your pillow!…
With good healthcare/sanitation/education, Ebola in the US isn't that contagious. #1stWorldParanoia #sketch_dailies
Deciding on which federal offence to commit so I can get out of jury duty permanently. #ExConsHaveAllTheFun
Got an e-mail titled "Your Mom". It's from my dad who decided to send over a bunch of black & white photos of my mom as a baby.
Don't settle for just sounding like an ass on your phone, you can now look like one too! #iPhone6plus #sketch_dailies
Take stress off leg joints & be seen in crosswalks Salvador Dali-style with the Pregnancy Walker! #PregnancyProblems
Inventing the first wheeled walking stick for the extended belly of pregnant people. It will come with a safety flagpole for crosswalks.
He bites new mail, jumps on strangers, licks my face, plays fetch, & today, I just caught him drinking from the toilet. #MyCatIsReallyADog
Need to sketch something out today before I go completely sane.