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Danny Downer
fun music games movies girls 27 followers
RT @LifeFacts: Be strong and smile at life even though it hurts sometimes. < It literally hurts when I smile because of my gum warts.
Support your Non-Profit Endangered Species charity. Even though statistics show most endangered species eventually become extinct.
You're graduating from the university this Saturday? Congratulations, it will really help your career as a barista at Starbucks.
Sorry I can't make it to your wedding; but I'll definitely be at your divorce party next year.
Hmm, which pillow should I sleep with tonight? And by "sleep with" I mean sex.
RT @TheEllenShow: When is a door not a door? When it's ajar. < Also when my parents locked me in the shed so it's more like a restraint.
Enjoy a delicious, hot latte today. Especially knowing that the $3 you spent could have fed a poor family in India for a week. But enjoy.
I really miss my grandma. She was so nice when she wasn't beating me with a stick or calling me "you little shit".
I don't blame my mom for hating me. I blame myself for living inside her and then stretching her vagina upon exit.
RT @KimKardashian: I have the best brother in the world! instagram.com/p/fvqo3COS-O/ He's the best for killing a living plant. RIP flowers
When I was 4 my dad got me a bike but couldn't afford the seat so I sat my crotch on the top tube which is why my testicles are so small.
RT @RobynDayzzz: @DowncastDan Thanks for the follow. Returned the favor!!! <- Thank you but my tweets are just going to suck anyway.
I go to the movies alone but I buy two tickets and then spend the entire movie turning my head pretending to wonder where my date is.
By the way, I'm growing my chest hairs because I heard that women in their 50's - 60's like that and they are easy slut-whores.
RT @coffeeelady: Can I pet your beard? < Yeah, but wash your hands afterwards because I have chin warts.
Is it weird that I talk to my sofa before cuddling up to it and eventually grinding on it?
I am allergic to protein, carbs, fruits, vegetables, and fats. Anything else is just fine.
You only live once, so make the best of… ahh, screw it, I'm going to sleep.
I have all of those side effects you see in drug commercials.
RT @NayBabii: Hold me down , love me & stay LOYAL — < I would hold you down but my butt usually itches and I'd have to let go to scratch so…
I wish my parents spoke a second language so they can teach me but they abandoned me when I was 2 so there goes that.
Why get a puppy? It's only a few years before you'll have to bury him.
Will you like me if I get a Sharpie marker and draw a red dot on my forehead?
RT @DishNation: Meet @headkrack on Sat at @tasteofsoulla! He will be signing autographs from 1:30-5 PM! — Can I bring my imaginary gf?