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Heather B. Armstrong

blogging blogger 1,550,101 followers
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Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
My 3-yr-old just told a random kid at the grocery store, "My granddaughter has the same shoes!"
  18 May
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
What. Doesn't every mommyblogger have her own chauffeur? instagram.com/p/Za9G0jgkao/
  17 May
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
Did anybody else in NY get caught in that flash flood last week? dooce.com/2013/05/16/may… fb.me/SV2KFYhz
  16 May
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
You know who's super cute? The god who invented curdled milk. What a great guy.
  16 May
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
The number one piece of advice I give to new parents is: you are so fucked.
  14 May
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
The farting. It's as sacred as a prayer. "@fishsticked: @dooce Because of the fart or the apology? This requires clarification.”
  14 May
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
My kid just apologized for farting. In the eyes of my immediate family she might as well go ahead and deny the existence of god.
  14 May
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
Grandmother and mothers and daughters: dooce.com/2013/05/13/gra…: fb.me/2Abh4WPnX
  13 May
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
You're not allowed to tell me about the dream you had last night unless you have a British accent AND just inhaled a helium balloon.
  8 May
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
And off again: dooce.com/2013/05/08/and… fb.me/2cPrPJN4f
  8 May
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
If this isn’t for you, it’s for someone you know:... fb.me/PmZPvTWQ
  6 May
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
Shazam for personality disorders.
  3 May
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
Stuff I found while looking around: dooce.com/2013/05/03/stu… fb.me/1UwBe0Icg
  3 May
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
Check out my Curate for a Cause collection benefiting @everymomcounts over at @jossandmain:... fb.me/2y0OPqGO6
  3 May
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
That moment you accidentally pinch your kid with the seat belt and instead of sympathy you think karma.
  2 May
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
Like, totally epic 360 all the way: dooce.com/2013/05/02/lik… fb.me/RCrhLQlr
  2 May
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
Suck it. Is that better? "@t_odd: @dooce I'm yawning. And dozing. Bring back the old Dooce.”
  30 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
I'm listening: dooce.com/2013/04/30/im-… fb.me/RW895w2B
  30 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
"Burping is part of reality." - my 9-yr-old who saw my reaction after she deafened an entire terminal at the airport.
  26 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
The new sheriff: dooce.com/2013/04/25/the… fb.me/1HHzOnHti
  25 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
When people ask me what a mommyblogger is I say, "You know, like Joan Crawford."
  25 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
"This is about you when you were a baby." - 3-yr-old showing me a book about hippos.
  24 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
Remembering broken pipes and drywall: dooce.com/2013/04/24/rem… fb.me/26AtfuEUN
  24 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
ATTENTION CONSERVATIVES: Daenerys Targaryen is the reason women choose to be gay.
  23 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
Little sisters are so unfair: dooce.com/2013/04/22/lit… fb.me/1h2XmigBt
  22 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
Stuff I found while looking around: dooce.com/2013/04/19/stu… fb.me/2z1RnTjQP
  19 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
Where the heart is: dooce.com/2013/04/18/whe… fb.me/2lqyWCUP3
  18 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
The number of foods my kid will eat just increased to five:... fb.me/2LLqSejYT
  16 Apr
Rebecca Rosen @beccarosen
I have never before been so moved by a spreadsheet: docs.google.com/spreadsheet/pu…
Retweeted by Heather B. Armstrong
  16 Apr
Judith U @Autismville
To the stranger who took me into her home, gave me soup and tea to stop my shaking and a phone to call home, thank you. #BostonMarathon2013
Retweeted by Heather B. Armstrong
  15 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
So devastating. Much love to Boston. "@everymomcounts: #EMC runners are safe. Our thoughts and prayers to everyone #BostonMarathon”
  15 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
I wish she'd been born with more attitude. vine.co/v/bFAK3BWElEw
  14 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
"Chee-choh chee-choh!" - my racist 3-yr-old who explained she was speaking "China"
  13 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
Stuff I found while looking around: dooce.com/2013/04/12/stu… fb.me/2kbgxY2Wf
  12 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
Pro tip: everyone is crazy.
  12 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
"Georgia Senator Saxby Chambliss" is what I would nickname my penis.
  11 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
Where do we go now: dooce.com/2013/04/11/whe… fb.me/N70tVjME
  11 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
I love my kid until she drops a piece of food in her car seat and asks me to retrieve it. Then? Then I abandon the car.
  10 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
From one amateur to another aspiring amateur:... fb.me/vD13TCGD
  9 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
An adult on my layover in Minneapolis just referred to it as Mini-an-apolis so we're doing a great job, America.
  8 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
Can someone please get John Snow into warmer climate so we can see him in a spring/summer ensemble?
  8 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
Hey, @Hertz. You hired a gem in Brittany at the front desk at the airport in Columbus, OH. She couldn't have been more helpful.
  6 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
Landed in Columbus, Ohio and there was no snow. Thank you for offsetting Utah's effect on the reputation of 4-letter states.
  4 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
Email just in: "Jesus was a VERIFIABLE HISTORICAL FIGURE." Response: "Unless there is a blue checkmark next to his name, NOT TRUE."
  3 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
“Who will survive? Who will survive?” dooce.com/2013/04/01/who… fb.me/2gkU6PBTR
  1 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
3-yr-old talking on the phone when she accidentally drops it. She scrambles to the floor, puts it to her ear and asks, "Are you hurt?!"
  1 Apr
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
Just found a new wallpaper for my phone: instagram.com/p/Xhn5_vvP3q/
  31 Mar
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
My 3-yr-old is helping two gay men make dinner and their agenda is making her hair magically braid itself.
  30 Mar
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
Stuff I found while looking around: dooce.com/2013/03/29/stu… fb.me/12OpAOVwu
  29 Mar
Heather B. Armstrong @dooce
Shark week except with dogs: dooce.com/2013/03/28/sha… fb.me/ETzd7F54
  28 Mar

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