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Darren Fisher

Hey dumbass that parked your new Porsche next to my car- your car got paint on my keys
Whenever I see those @truthorange commercials I laugh – why don't they make one for alcohol? Oh everyone drinks
I wonder if gay dudes send dick pics to their significant other, since they see one every day already...
And one last thing... GS 73-9 No Title. Bulls 72-10 No Playoff Losses
Perfect end to the NBA season. Goodnight all
Did you feel that shaking? Those were Warriors fans jumping off the Bandwagon
Lebron officially elevated himself to Michael Jordan's zip code
If GS loses know what 73-9 means? Nothing! Bulls run was much more impressive no matter what
So is my entire timeline of bandwagon golden state fans going to change to Cavalier fans if Cleveland wins
Come on Cavs.... Go get this
Its the Kyrie Irving Show!!!!
If Cleveland could hit any of their 3s they would be killing em
Didnt Shumpert steal that hair from Chris Tucker? Fifth Element?
If Lebron decides he is going to drive and score no one can stop it
#BreakingNews Turns out the 'Big 3' in Miami was actually the 'Big 1'
Love aint messin around tonight
And on another note – where the fuck were all these Golden State fans five years ago? Oh they didn't exist #bandwagonfuckers
Golden State looks nervous as hell and LeBron looks calm as shit
Lets go Lebron and Kyrie!! #Cavs
Mother nature made a lot of work for me today thanks now I need a nap
Cleaning up sucks thanks mother nature!
I suppose Hillary Clinton is pretty happy since her scandals can disappear now
Another cowardly pussy opening fire on people- Real brave of you
And look how many of those in that picture are white... Yet people say everyone has equal opportunity…
I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing that I'm so good at killing off the entire world in Devolved...
Better make people stop driving then.…
Do I fake throw up when I see you fat people eating at restaurants? Then don't fake cough if you see me smoking.
Happy Memorial Day to all – enjoy the day with your family! And remember those that have been lost
Heroes are people who save lives not take them. No matter what flag is on their shoulder.
Happy Mother's Day to the mothers out there – unless you're a teenager. You just made lives far more miserable for guys when they're my age
Wonder if all the non-smokers will fake cough up at the sky from all this Canadadian fire smoke like they do at smokers who are lit up
Ill be working 5am-9pm or so for the next 12 weeks so if Im hard to get a hold of sorry... But if that pisses you off Im not- get over it
And naw I dont hold grudges, just want whats buried to stay buried... Once out stay out
Same bitches that kicked me when I was down now wanna come back around? Get the fuck outta here
About to head to work but couldn't leave without wishing @jdfisher17 happy birthday! Best nephew a guy could have- love you man
A girl told me today she would do anything to make me happy. I sent her for tacos.
We need to trim the fat around here. Fire all the fat people. They are slow they are lazy and they make me sad to look at.
Leicester are killing the hipsters. Winning the league without a mediocentro, trequartista, false 9, Ball-playing CB or raumdeuter. Unreal.
Retweeted by Darren Fisher
How to turn a woman into a bitch quick – interrupt bathroom mirror time
Went to work yesterday afternoon, just got home. If you need me today, just wanted to tell you – YOU DONT.
Working an overnight in the middle of nowhere in Nebraska... And I see one of these!! WOW! Been a long time
Saturday night – don't be stupid
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