What is taking all of your energy o"@MizzTOH_BEE
: Dis is taking all of my energy.....*whew*"
Brother in the Lord Zone, iRebuke you satan
When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months...when guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of."
People who forgive and forget are also the people who will get fucked over again."
The best way to cock-block yourself is to be nice to a girl."
4 out of 5 men prefer a woman with big boobs. The 5th guy prefers the other 4 guys."
Boobs are proof we can focus on two things at once."
We've all tweeted while taking a shit, and if you say you haven't then you're a damn liar."
I get nervous when a police is behind me even if I'm not doing anything illegal."
Nipples: Natures thermometer."
The awkward first 30 minutes of the party when nobody's drunk."
Let's have sex? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no."
If I was a Transformer, forget a car, truck or plane, I'd transform into Megan Fox's vibrator."
Saying "bitch" after proving your point"
Sitting in class wondering how the hell the teacher got the job..."
I drink because remembering is overrated."
That moment when you don't want to check your bank account because you don't want to see how much money you don't have"
Actually no, my tweet wasn't aimed at you, but hey hoe, if the shoe fits, feel free to wear it."
Everything is great when you don't give a shit."
A kick in the balls is over 9000 del (units) of pain, which is like giving birth to 160 kids and fracturing up to 3200 bones at a time."
Shutup, nobody likes you."
Can I put "drinking wine and judging people" in the special skills section of my resume?"
When it comes to drinking: Tastes good. Cheap. Gets you wasted. You can only pick two."
According to Astronomy, when you wish upon a star, you're actually a few million years too late. That star is dead. Just like your dreams."
The awkward moment when you get a boner in class and your desk flips over."
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round."
Alcohol is the liquid version of Photoshop."
I'm not a "casual" drinker. I'm a "drink til your fucked up or don't drink at all" drinker."
Women, we don't give a fuck about your shoes. We care about your body. Go to the gym, not the mall."
I've been trying to figure out how long "forever" is... and by looking at some people's relationships, it's around 3 to 6 weeks."
Blowjobs are like flowers for men."
Chuck Norris flushed a condom once... And then The Ninja Turtles were born."
My penis is so polite.. It stands up so ladies can sit down."
I got my brother a stripper for his birthday. My mom wasn't impressed, but it's not every day he turns 6."
Harry Potter fans: I wanna go to Hogwarts. Narnia fans: I wanna go to Narnia. Hunger Games fans: Nope I'm good."
If you take your girl back after she cheats on you, you're a little bitch."
If you stay really, really, quiet, and listen very, very, closely, then you can hear that beautiful sound of you shutting the hell up."
I was at a restaurant and my waitress had a black eye.. So I ordered reeeeaaaallllyyyy slow, because she obviously doesn't listen."
Welcome to a world where being nice gets you no where."
A real man would never hit a woman. Unless it's with an open hand right on her ass."
If you open a beer and do not finish it you are what is known as a little bitch."
I wish I could just block out the retweets from all these stupid girl Twitter accounts... You're depressed. We get it."
don't be a bitch dude" will convince a guy to do just about anything"
If I were a bird, you'd be the first person I'd shit on."
I don't look for reasons to drink, they find me"
People who say they never get hangovers don't drink enough."
I hate it when someone turns on the light while I'm sleeping and I'm like (°_-)"
While you're busy judging me, I'll be drinking and not giving a shit."
They say money can't buy happiness, but being broke buys you nothing"
You took my daughters virginity!" "I'm sorry, sir. It won't happen again.""