Being stuck in the middle of nowhere with majorly temperamental phone signal is the last place I wish to be right now..
Utterly disgusted by some of the posts I've just seen on Facebook.
It's like people think a terrorist attack is a license to be racist
Wifi but no service.
So I can tweet, Instagram my dinner and check the weather but I can't phone or text..
Shit's backwards here.
It's not where I've been, it's where I'm gonna go.
Any atheist who retweets this is going to hell for eternity.
"Chris Brown is a one-hit-wonder" ~ Ike Turner.
You look like the kinda jerk that orders their steak well done
Uh oh, here come the meat sweats..
It's sad that warning labels are needed because people are complete fucking idiots
Apparently if you use pokemon fusion to combine Geodude and Slowpoke you get Grumpy Cat: pokemon.alexonsager.net/118/120 pic.twitter.com/VDjXvW6ks8
Keep your friends close but your phone closer.
Friends are nosy bastards.
I'm probably going to be super annoying about my birthday. It's my trademark.
Love you guys.
Booze, it's what's for dinner!
This "self control" thing you speak of sounds dumb and I want no part of it.
I want you, all tattooed, I want you bad..
Bored of this week now, who votes we skip the rest and go straight to the weekend?
And on that note, I'm done
Do birds have to cup their labia like we do our balls? I bet some do, some right lengthy labia out there.
Everyone might as well pack up, @professorgreen
has already won Twitter today by tweeting about cupping long labias getting into a hot bath
There really isn't enough hours in the day*
*between leaving work and starting again the day after*
I smell like swimming pool
If I ran my company's twitter account all of our replies would just be "bitch please."
: Beyoncé, Rihanna & Katy Perry send prayers to #Oklahoma #PrayForOklahoma
I feel like an idiot now...I only sent money.
Last night's food was so good we're doing all 3 courses tonight.
I don't know what I'd do without Twitter. Except stuff maybe. Yeah, I'd probably do stuff.
The only thing I drink is too much.
Jogging has never helped my memory.
I've given so many people their first Trophy, I feel like I really am a "Pro".
Wow it's so shiny! Thanks heaps @Ameiam
- they say you always remember your first!
picked your tweet as Tweet of the Day: favstar.fm/t/262634904435…
Mmm, mango & passion fruit cooler.
OW! BRAIN FREEZE!
DELICIOUS, TORTUROUS BRAIN FREEZE!
“Better do at least some work.”
*puts phone away*
*Asks colleague about weekend*
*pulls phone out*
Excuse me, is this establishment vampire accessible?
It's less a question of 'what' do I want for breakfast and more a question of 'who'
So so jealous of @RachelLewis8
living it up in NYC right now! Have a wicked time guys.
Okay, I'm going to sleep now.
I'm really looking forward to the day someone invents a tv you can punch people through
This room service menu has everything I could possibly want on it except her
'Jon eats a whole raw potato to take himself out the mood' amazing. pic.twitter.com/xdUCQCw0sa
Having a long soak in the bath seems much more acceptable after a work out.
Is that right or am I still a girl?
Everyone loves a bit of side boob
Vanilla and mascarpone creme brûlée with almond Viennese pic.twitter.com/23B2ebo6k3
I don't think my stomach has ever been this happy. Such a good feed
Loin of Highland venison, wild mushroom strudel, celeriac dauphinoise & wilted kal pic.twitter.com/92KMbY4Nen
Loin of Highland venison, wild mushroom strudel, celeriac dauphinoise & wilted kal
Life on the road is pretty rough.. pic.twitter.com/FGU2qRbCKT