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Mmm, mango & passion fruit cooler.
*sips*
OW! BRAIN FREEZE!
DELICIOUS, TORTUROUS BRAIN FREEZE!
*sips*
“Better do at least some work.”
*puts phone away*
*yawns*
*makes coffee*
*Asks colleague about weekend*
*pulls phone out*
Excuse me, is this establishment vampire accessible?
It's less a question of 'what' do I want for breakfast and more a question of 'who'
So so jealous of
@RachelLewis8,
@Phoebus_Pheebo &
@emily110592 living it up in NYC right now! Have a wicked time guys.
Okay, I'm going to sleep now.
*scrolls*
I'm really looking forward to the day someone invents a tv you can punch people through
This room service menu has everything I could possibly want on it except her
'Jon eats a whole raw potato to take himself out the mood' amazing.
pic.twitter.com/xdUCQCw0sa Having a long soak in the bath seems much more acceptable after a work out.
Is that right or am I still a girl?
Everyone loves a bit of side boob
Vanilla and mascarpone creme brûlée with almond Viennese
pic.twitter.com/23B2ebo6k3 I don't think my stomach has ever been this happy. Such a good feed
Loin of Highland venison, wild mushroom strudel, celeriac dauphinoise & wilted kal
pic.twitter.com/92KMbY4Nen 
Loin of Highland venison, wild mushroom strudel, celeriac dauphinoise & wilted kal
Life on the road is pretty rough..
pic.twitter.com/FGU2qRbCKT 
Ah, an appropriate bottle at last
pic.twitter.com/0BWaAgNTwr Misery might 'like' company, but it loves the shit out of Facebook.
Intelligence is knowing how stupid you are.
Someone definitely stole a few hours out of this weekend. There's no way it went that quickly on its own.
Come on, who did it?
I'm guessing it's no coincidence that twitter rhymes with bitter
Had a pizza.
Didn't eat for 20 hours.
Had two chicken burgers & two portions of chips.
Am I doing this healthy balanced diet thing right?
I haven't been validated in the last few minutes. Love me.
If I had a pet cat, I can be 99.8% positive that its name would be Mr. Meowgi.
The fact that christian black metal is a real thing is proof that god has a sense of humor and also doesn't exist.
Bacon. I want all the bacon.
Thanks for the TL love dude
@chopper4jk @GuinnessTweets, 69 Favs! Your tweet has been favorited by 69 people.
favstar.fm/t/322463275864… What doesn't kill you, Only makes you stranger.
Am I the only one who thought that if you ordered off the a la carte menu it would turn up on a trolley?
Teetotal people...
Just how?
There's something slightly unnerving about an alcohol free weekend
"I'm bisexual" aka "I kissed my best friend once and noticed boys like it so I now pretend to be a 24 hour cunt muncher for attention."
I think people should start adding carnivore to their bio, like vegetarians do. That way we're all clear on everyone's daily meal plan.
It's ridiculous how much I can look forward to doing absolutely nothing
I've been properly spoilt. I'm loving this fake birthday lark
I need to stop smiling to myself while I'm reading my phone. Definitely look like a crazy person
"Sorry."
"Sorry."
"Sorry!"
"I'm Sorry."
"Sorry."
"Sorry."
"Sorry!"
"Sorry."
"Sorry."
"Sorry aboot that!"
— Canadian bumper cars.
Celebrating my birthday early with the family before they leave the country
pic.twitter.com/t9O050iwdH I've spent the whole afternoon working out*, I think I'm entitled to a massive dinner and a beer.
*playing Wii Sports
If you say “old sport” three times in front of your mirror, Gatsby will appear and awkwardly hit on your wife
Friday daytime is the striptease of the weekend... So close, but still so far
You're welcome lovely. Glad to have you back on here!
#FF @Poisoned_Sanity Don't believe everything you think...
If you ever ask me,"Is it to early to get a drink?", we cant be friends!
Anyone ever sit on the toilet backwards, and put your laptop on the tank cover? Asking for a friend . . .