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Dane Cook
Ebola is a "plague sent by God" to punish gays, religious leaders claim. - Religious leaders also sent to punish gays claims Ebola.
4h
@DaneCook #Troublemaker has been on at least 10 times at my place since it premiered. Still hilarious. ๐Ÿ’ฉ
Retweeted by Dane Cook
6h
My scene cut from the new movie Fury. #tbt to performing for the greatest troops in the world while our brave troops were stationed in Iraq.
  6h
@DaneCook I'm in the hospital with a severe case of conjunctivitis, and a retweet would mean the world to me.
Retweeted by Dane Cook
6h
Sometimes you just fuckin' feel it.
6h
I am watching @DaneCook Showtime special for the 4th time. Hilarious!!!
Retweeted by Dane Cook
6h
@DaneCook I feel like a stalker because this is the 4th time I have watched Troublemaker. That 3.00 a month I spend for showtime =WINNING
Retweeted by Dane Cook
6h
Throw me Snapchats (TheDaneCook) or DM on Insta (@DaneCook) while you watch #DaneCook #Troublemaker on #Showtime encore edition tonight.
9h
Just a little 14 year old Troublemaker. #tbt
All new insanely cool merch coming soon. W What do you want t-shirts to say from #Troublemaker? Ideas?
Prince singing Happy Birthday to me. #BucketList
I don't have an iPhone case. I just depend highly on my quick foot reflex as a buffer to break its fall.
I don't like to think of myself as a heartbreaker. I consider myself more of a disinterested bypass surgeon.
#tbt with some of the funniest guys I know from last years Montreal Comedy Festival. Bobby, Gul, Bodden, Hotzy and Fitz.
Spent some time last night with family. My brother Richard (the brother I should have had) and Carol who I've shared a lot with but last night we kept it to just dinner and laugh. I posted this pic bc we were talking about my parents and how happy they would be with my special #Troublemaker. A myste
Men should come with a warning label & women with instructions.
โ€œ@nsnydee: @DaneCook is a fucking genius. The last joke #Gold #Troublemaker #ShitBumโ€ Thx girl yeah true stories are the best
I've got my head on the ground and my feet in the clouds.
Airplane mode is also known as I can't let anything through for the next 40 minutes while the person you're dating is around mode.
I'm writing a movie about a boy who has a well balanced childhood, grows up to be a mellow 9 to 5 kinda guy & dies peacefully at 83.
Celebration time! #DaneCook #Troublemaker highest rated comedy special this year. It's encore on Showtime this week.
Encore presentation of #Troublemaker - Showtime this Thu, Oct 23, 7:30 PM. Don't miss out on what everyone's quoting about. #BatchOfBitches
The fact that @litaford follows me on here is fuckin' epic. "Kiss me once... Kiss me twice... "
I've got my Halloween costume picked out. I've just got to get some plastic surgery & I'm going as Renee Zellweger's original face.
About this DM rumor.
@DaneCook I've watched troublemaker on Showtime a couple times already. It's hysterical. I don't know where you come up with this shit.
Retweeted by Dane Cook
@DaneCook Thank you for all the great laughs. I was just listening to Sirius 95. Dane Cook I did my best- greatest hits. You are awesome.
Retweeted by Dane Cook
I did the About Last Night podcast with @AdamRay33 & @BradWilliamsComic a couple weeks back. Give it a listen but while you are here can anyone explain how Adam is standing? I feel like it's a puzzle. It really really bothers me.
I've been thinking about doing a documentary where I go back & have sex one more time with all of my ex gfs. Anyone have a good title?
Please vote for my mistress @Angie_Harmon for the Peoples Choice Awards! It takes 3 minutes: vote.peopleschoice.com
I expect there'll be a lot of slutty Khaleesis' this Halloween. And a lot of guys dressed as horribly out of shape Dothraki.
โ€œ@MabelynnCapeluj: @DaneCook only if she can watch ;) pic.twitter.com/P2dtufm1Cwโ€ -- You would like that you creepy nymphomaniac.
Hey .@MabelynnCapeluj can I just book this wax sesh directly through you here? pic.twitter.com/Pp3XMomPb4
If they ever make a live action movie of the Pillsbury Dough Boy an out of shape Chris Pratt should play Boy. pic.twitter.com/g2AwyaP9cA
โ€œ@MabelynnCapeluj: @DaneCook your* -- I seen it you brat.
Your relationship is over if you're reading this and nodding yes.
@DaneCook yo, #Troublemaker is TOO damn true...you probably ended 75% of relationships that were present in the audience that night ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ™Š๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
Retweeted by Dane Cook
.@tomgreenlive said: Dane Cook Talks Early Internet: youtu.be/ZcikzRkh8LI Thanks @DaneCook for stopping by the show! - Anytime Tom!
If anyone has any #DaneCook #Troublemaker memes post them here with those hashtags and I will RT or FAV a bunch now.
That irritating "time of the month" for men is when our football team has a bye week.
A few women I know are having their periods. I'm guessing most of you have synced up & sexually for men this is a bye week.
Spending some quality minutes over the weekend with a few funny kids, a club owner & a photobomber. Introducing @TheRealRussellP @JeremyHotz @NealBrennan @JamieMasada & @RandyTheDoorGuy
Youโ€™re always the best in your field if youโ€™re creating the field.
I did dozens of interviews last week. This quote accidently fell out of my mouth. I wanted to share it with you all. It might just help.
You can't rain on my parade because I've already designed it to be aquatic themed.
UPDATE on sweaty butt in front of me. After a sprint it now looks like a reservoir filled with Macintosh computers.