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Dane Cook
comedian comedy live music 3,043,840 followers
I wish there was a stay lost and not found.
I was never a cutter but I was a stirrer.
If all of your dreams came true? ALL OF THEM? That'd be a fuckin' hassle. Managing one dream is hard enough. But ALL of them?
Sometimes when I have sex I pull my own hair.
I made a gift horse look into my mouth.
Some people grow old gracelessly.
If you do a tiny bit of what you love every day it grows. My career started off with one 5 minute set at a dark hole in the wall.
4-Year-Old Boy Honored With Touching Star Wars Funeral… via @cinemablend May the force be with you Jack. Always.
The term "nothing personal" means "this is 100% totally personal."
This is just incredible. Jeff Bauman: Thank you Boston! via @bostonherald #BostonStrong
30 minutes of #AskDane starting now. *please include the hashtag #AskDane or #AskDane
I wonder if Superman ever has to shit.
I have not been sexually active since noon.
#Bloodmoon sounds like an unreleased AC/DC album.
From my balls down.
Huge loss for the comedy world. @OttoAndGeorge - Truly funny.
7 years ago today my pops passed away. George Cook was so old school that he actually saw it being built. He drank, smoked and cursed. He liked to spit out the window on car trips. He knew everything about sports and the opposite about women. And he could make you scared of not bringing a light jack
You know you over pray when you hear a booming voice from the sky say, "NO."
I feel you outside of me.
There are a lot of sluts online today.
Something about the sound of distant sirens makes me feel like I'm home.
Okay. Since all other theories are garbage. That missing plane? Maybe it flew straight up and is orbiting? Might as well check it out.
#Coachella Is insane!