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Dane Cook
@DaneCook just watched Troublemaker and got a full ab workout I laughed so hard. Great job!!
Retweeted by Dane Cook
Watching @DaneCook #Troublemaker and I haven't laughed this hard in awhile. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
Retweeted by Dane Cook
Not kidding, @DaneCook Troublemaker is the most funny thing ever
Retweeted by Dane Cook
Good things never last but bad shit hangs around like that sad drunk dude trying to help you clean up at the end of a long party.
I've always done it like this.
Hey, package delivery person, umm yeah, I think maybe just keep the packages at base camp. Dior is obviously on a trip and can't get to the door right now.
My ex gfs nickname is "The UFO" because she's fun to speculate about but if she were to ever really appear you'd be terrified.
I love erratic behavior.
The view from my hotel room.
Game 5! But I'm still wearing my Red Sox underwear.
I'm headed to the airport for a quick getaway. Where am I going? Here is the 1st hint. It's 31.5 degrees of love but it's hot. (via @shots)
I'm headed to the airport for a quick getaway. Where am I going? Here is the 1st hint. It's … shots.com/p/stsddnxe
#travel #tomorrow #surprise #getaway
Oh my lord. @DaneCook is killing me right now!!!! Literally slaughtering my stomach and lungs with this stand up!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜©πŸ˜©πŸ˜©
Retweeted by Dane Cook
If you cough anywhere in public I will assume you are spreading Ebola and you are a fuckwad and I hope you break your leg.
Retweeted by Dane Cook
Men need genuine discouragement.
I love my house. Sometimes at night it looks like a spaceship. It's been so comfortable lately. I had some friends up today and just appreciated that I have such a great spot to entertain people. I had it cleaned and scrubbed of all the old ghosts that haunted it.
If your sexual fantasy is standard missionary position on a cot somewhere overlooking a sprawling mall parking lot... I'm your man.
Thank you soulcrusher11 for making another fucking hilarious comedy. @DaneCook
Retweeted by Dane Cook
I like a good solid year and a half of foreplay.
Ebola sounds like the name of a new dance craze where everyone gets up and line dances 3 feet away from each other.
watching #DaneCook #Troublemaker πŸ˜‚ this guy never ceases to amaze me with the shit he comes up with. πŸ‘πŸ‘Œ@DaneCookeCook
Retweeted by Dane Cook
This is how I feel before I perform. #Backstage
I just got off the phone w/Jerry Lewis. Holy shit I wish I could tell you what he just said. No one roasts people like the King of Comedy.
Power lunch with the very funny @GaryGulman & his gal Sade Pilot. I'm solo but my old lady is livin' with our 11 kids back home in District 9.
Hey assholes take that love shit to some other barren field .. this is Tinder. Bottom feeders only. Overdressed need not apply.
I have a guardian devil.
Ebola is a "plague sent by God" to punish gays, religious leaders claim. - Religious leaders also sent to punish gays claims Ebola.
@DaneCook #Troublemaker has been on at least 10 times at my place since it premiered. Still hilarious. πŸ’©
Retweeted by Dane Cook
My scene cut from the new movie Fury. #tbt to performing for the greatest troops in the world while our brave troops were stationed in Iraq.
@DaneCook I'm in the hospital with a severe case of conjunctivitis, and a retweet would mean the world to me.
Retweeted by Dane Cook
Sometimes you just fuckin' feel it.
I am watching @DaneCook Showtime special for the 4th time. Hilarious!!!
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@DaneCook I feel like a stalker because this is the 4th time I have watched Troublemaker. That 3.00 a month I spend for showtime =WINNING
Retweeted by Dane Cook
Throw me Snapchats (TheDaneCook) or DM on Insta (@DaneCook) while you watch #DaneCook #Troublemaker on #Showtime encore edition tonight.
Just a little 14 year old Troublemaker. #tbt
All new insanely cool merch coming soon. W What do you want t-shirts to say from #Troublemaker? Ideas?
Prince singing Happy Birthday to me. #BucketList
I don't have an iPhone case. I just depend highly on my quick foot reflex as a buffer to break its fall.
I don't like to think of myself as a heartbreaker. I consider myself more of a disinterested bypass surgeon.
#tbt with some of the funniest guys I know from last years Montreal Comedy Festival. Bobby, Gul, Bodden, Hotzy and Fitz.
Spent some time last night with family. My brother Richard (the brother I should have had) and Carol who I've shared a lot with but last night we kept it to just dinner and laugh. I posted this pic bc we were talking about my parents and how happy they would be with my special #Troublemaker. A myste
Men should come with a warning label & women with instructions.
β€œ@nsnydee: @DaneCook is a fucking genius. The last joke #Gold #Troublemaker #ShitBum” Thx girl yeah true stories are the best