I hate math,
but I love counting money.
| RT if u miss |
| Someone! |
My status is from a song.
It's not about you.
Get over yourself.
me: I'll just get on twitter for a few minutes before bed
me: Is that the sun
Me: "I want to go out, I want friends."
"I want to go home, I hate people."
Reasons why I stop replying:
1) I'm busy
2) You're boring
3) I'm mad
4) You replied with one word
5) I'm on twitter
6) I'm eating
me: i want to lose weight
me: i want skinny legs
me: i want a flat stomach
me: i want to be thin
me: *sees food*
when the test isn't multiple choice pic.twitter.com/5pF566nkvI
do we have time for these hoes?
no no no
no \_ no
no no no
Everyone has three lives:
A public life,
A private life,
And A secret life
When people ask me why i'm single
Shit happens, I mean look at you.
No matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s I’m still gonna eat it
If I don't mention you..
then the tweet wasn't about you..
But if the shoe fits..
then lace that bitch up and wear it..
Just because I'm being quiet,
that doesn't mean I'm mad.
Sometimes I'm just not in the mood to talk.
I text differently,
depending on who the person is.
*Me studying* 🙇
*Gets ONE phone notification* 😳😁
*Go to reply*📲
*Mom walks by*...
Mom: "SO YOU'VE BEEN TEXTING THIS ENTIRE TIME?!😡"
I followed my heart and it led me into the fridge
I wanna jump off a building and not die just relieve stress by slamming onto the sidewalk and then get up and go get a slurpee or something
imagine an entire room and it's all bed.
no floor, just bed.
you roll too far to one side? don't worry, bed's still there.
all is bed.
I take the test.
I forget what I learned.
Whats the point?
too many of our parents joined.
Scientists say the universe is made up of:
They forgot to mention morons.
Twitter is my friend,
Youtube is my voice,
and Google is my brain.
That awkward moment when you remember something funny,
start smiling like an idiot,
everyone stares at you wondering why you're smiling.
teacher: do you understand now?
me: yeah, totally
teacher: walks away
me: the fuck did she just say
3% phone numbers,
2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.
Mom: You wait in line I forgot to get the milk
me: mom where are you please
me: mom please the line is moving fast
"This video is not available in your country."
"OMG, where do I come from then?
Did you study for the test?
Nerd: "All week long"
Normal student: "Just a few pages"
Me: "WHAT TEST?!"
I'm still waiting for this emoji pic.twitter.com/ySmiejuAJb
things that are enjoyable:
things that are not enjoyable:
• getting in the shower
• getting out of the shower
OH MY GOD MOVE!!!
'Going to bed' means switching from my computer to my phone and spending another hour mobile tweeting in the dark
"K." is the shortest way to spell "Fuck you."
Karma takes too long...
I'd rather beat the shit out of you now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE LIFE CHOICES I STILL COUNT USING MY FINGERS
AND I STILL SING THE WHOLE ALPHABET TO SEE WHAT LETTER COMES NEXT.
Our phones fall, we panic.
When our friends fall, we laugh.
Stay up late, regret it in the morning, repeat.
i love those people you can joke around with and have so much fun with and then have a deep conversation with and it’s not weird at all
"You're like a coin."
"No, two faced"
Running away doesn't help you with your problems, unless you're fat.
Then yeah, run.
Sorry, I didn't get your text.
Just kidding I ignored that shit
I know 3 things on my test:
Why do people cry on the last day of school?
You should be crying on the first day of school.
We all have a friend that only gets called by their nickname..
It sounds weird to even say their real name.