Please upgrade your browser to make full use of twiends.   chrome   firefox   ie   safari  
Abbi Crutchfield
I'll tell you for the last time Ryan, it's just a game.
Retweeted by Abbi Crutchfield
That first shower after you complete a writing packet.
It's great to see Dr. King's dream realized. #BunEquality #BlackWhoppersMatter
The scariest thing about the #BlackWhopper is that you're eating at Burger King.
Tomorrow night! I'm talking about my worst OKCupid dates. Show starts at 10 p.m. It's FREE.
Retweeted by Abbi Crutchfield
I don't understand why waffles can't be a state flower. Photo by @lacquerologist
Pat Tobin (tastefactory on Twitter) and Sam Grittner kick off the first We're All Gonna Die Tonight at Mo Fathelbab's new comedy venue!
Retweeted by Abbi Crutchfield
Burger King made a Black Whopper, and it's not even February yet.
Milo does his impression of me on antibiotics
Retweeted by Abbi Crutchfield
No, I said, "You do you," but people always gotta paraphrase...
When Beethoven tries to steal your earrings cuz he ain't worked in a while. #iMeetDogs
Sometimes nothing is funny to me. Then I open my cupboard and grab a bottle of Must Follow. Instant inspiration!
We're honestly supposed to believe that no one can tell the difference between the regular moon and super moon?
Retweeted by Abbi Crutchfield
Watching thirty movies in flight for free by just viewing the trailers. #CurlyComedySaves
Tell my family I love them.
Tom Jones' texts be like
Review of a fancy hotel: the bed was too comfortable to jump on; I fell asleep immediately. The cozy campfire on my dinner table overlooking a bay in the "relaxed seating" of a plush couch was ruined by a loving couple who wouldn't stop flirting and smooching in front of me. Your scallop dinner was
🎶Stop. Wait a minute. Fill my dish. Put some kibble in it.🎶

Twitter Sign-in
We are going to send you to Twitter to authorize twiends.
Please note that we never tweet or follow people without your permission.