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Embrace the wit and wisdom of @Shawcroft @eddiegossling @BillyWayneDavis #FF RT & * your favorites for 3Tweet-of-the-week
RT @Shawcroft The adage "there's no such thing as bad publicity" has caused more societal ills than bath salts and swearing COMBINED.
RT @eddiegossling i find stuff labeled "not safe for work" is also "not safe for home."
RT @BillyWayneDavis Everywhere in NYC, if you listen closely, there is always a saxophone playing in the distance.
#Afternoon3Tweet puts itself inside you in 1 minute. "Truth" #Comedy3Tweet
Please grab a seat and stare longingly at @Anundson @VinnieCoppola @Jakethis #FF RT & * for 3Tweet-of-the-week
RT @VinnieCoppola One grilled gluten sandwich, please.
RT@Jakethis I had a dream once about a meatball with a piece of cheese in the middle.Today I ate two for lunch. Corporate gig! #Apteanedge
RT @Anundson When @bajaburrito is really busy I yell "Two Fish Tacos" just to see how many hands go up. #baja4life
Always cherish the time you spent with @allanivie @JamieLissow @PatGodwin RT & * your favorites for 3Tweet-of-the-week
RT @allanivie Nothing makes you feel more worthless than knowing that Rizzoli and Isles starts its 4th season next month.
RT @JamieLissow Just bought a sweet set of Improv Group canceling headphones.
RT @PatGodwin What is the worst part of watching a recorded Mike & Molly? Suffering through the last 30 seconds of 2 Broke Girls.
#Afternoon3Tweet wants to meet you here in one minute. "Not interested" #Comedy3Tweet
Please pledge your undying support for @AlJaxn @LouisPeitzman @RGDaniels RT & * your favorites for 3Tweet-of-the-week
RT @RGDaniels Mayonnaise is gross. It tastes like if vanilla pudding suddenly decided to hate you for no reason.
RT@LouisPeitzman This salad buffet is as healthy as you want it to be. For example, I am drinking ranch dressing.
RT@AlJaxn #tacobell is debuting a $ menu at select locations.The items can be found under the heading"The most expensive stuff on the menu"
#Afternoon3Tweet is coming your way in one minute. "Light lunch" #Comedy3Tweet
Please follow @Anundson @tweetcomedian @StuMcCallister RT & * your favorites for 3Tweet-of-the-week.
RT @Anundson Has anyone been to a Harlem Globetrotters home game?
RT @StuMcCallister If a seeing eye dog poops in public, who picks it up?!
RT @tweetcomedian So the first 3-4 squeezes of the gas pump handle are just for practice or what?
#Midday3Tweet is saddling up next to in one minute. "Questions" #Comedy3Tweet
Please follow fellow morning people @kimholcomb @RoryAlbanese @allanivie RT & * your favorites for 3Tweet-of-the-week.
RT @RoryAlbanese It should be illegal to play the "alarm clock noise" in a television commercial because my Pavlovian response is rage.
RT @kimholcomb The use of exclamation points should be illegal before 8am.
RT @allanivie Drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth has to be similar to what Terry Schiavo went through.
#Morning3Tweet will be wiping the crust out of your eyes in 1 minute. "Wake up" #Comedy3Tweet
Be on the lookout for @ChadRiden @tweetcomedian @Mickey_McCauley RT & * your favorites for 3Tweet-of-the-Week
RT @tweetcomedian Respond to my email via IM and you’re getting a phone call. You’ve been warned.
RT @ChadRiden Twitter is not a flea market / buffet from which you can harvest others' material. Write your own jokes, dummies.
RT@Mickey_McCauley tried to open Friendster and it's just a gif of a janitor using a pushbroom in an empty cafeteria and looking up startled
#3TweetAfterDark gets a little too close, then backs off a bit in one minute. "Anti-Social Media" #Comedy3Tweet
Make yourself a bit more comfortable with @JesseIsTerrific @RickyCries @brockwilbur RT & * your favorite for 3Tweet-of-the-Week
RT @JesseIsTerrific Attention, Americans Who Say "Shite" and "Arse" All The Time Because They Think They're Being Clever: stop it.
RT @RickyCries If I had a baby, it would be mostly to teach it curse words.
RT @brockwilbur You can't spell "regret" without "Get Err"!
#3TweetAfterDark slides up next to you in 1 minute. "Polite Conversation" #Comedy3Tweet
Please follow @murrayv @PatGodwin @MikeyPullman & the other funny folks at #Comedy3Tweet RT & * your favorites for 3Tweet of the Week
RT @PatGodwin Good news: Heroin use on the decline in my back bathroom.
RT @murrayv My one year old is running around the house like a mad man... drunk, smoking cigarettes and cheating on his wife.
RT @MikeyPullman Solo Happy Hour is an extra happy hour.
#HappyHour3Tweet is coming your way in 1 minute. "Party Hearty" #Comedy3Tweet
Please follow @AdamWolf77 @TimNorthern @RGDaniels & the other funny folks at #Comedy3Tweet RT & * your favorite for 3Tweet of the week.
RT @AdamWolf77 The guy I peed on smelled like asparagus.
RT @TimNorthern I wonder what food tastes like to chickens.
RT @RGDaniels The first rule of Turkey Club is "You Do Not Talk With Your Mouth Full" #Yum
#Midday3Tweet Coming at you in 1 minute. "Pie whole" #Comedy3Tweet