Marge "Ned and his father both had affairs."
Homer "Stupid philanderers."
Tuesday might be one of the best days of my life!
Wish me luck and use hashtag #CJCT
and I'll pick someone at random to get some goodies 😊
☀️☀️ Good morning ☀️☀️
Fantastic times are skulking in the moist dank crevices of Saturday so let's get in there and squelch them out! 💛
And so I wish you all goodnight
As darkness on us slips
I hope you don't get splattered in the
Zombie apocalypse 💀
Today I was followed by 8 female porn bots which I immediately blocked. I have no problem with porn but at least give me something useful!
"Luke. I am not your father."
Am I for Leave or Remain?
But cheering Cameron's a pain.
Duncan Smith is for Brexit
Then Michael Gove wrecks it
Over us Brussels will reign!
Hoping to get some nice news today but in the meantime...
The snog was NOT optional.
Go to sleep. I dare you 😘
I've had a horrid few months but screw it!
A fantastic new chapter in my life awaits so I'll snog all my Twitter friends and just smile 😃
I am innocent.
I was not arrested or charged.
The investigation won't BEGIN for months.
BBC and 12Yard suspended me.
This vicious lie got me suspended by the BBC, dropped from a play, a £5000 bill and just now, fired from 11 quizzes.
Anyone going to a quiz in the Cardiff/Bristol area tonight in need of an extra team member?
How did we get to the point where US politics is actually looking the more sane option?
Our prickly friends need love!
I'm delighted to be a patron of @hedgehogsociety
Last night I dreamt I was having sex with Tyrion Lannister from Game of Thrones even though I've never seen it.
Er, good morning? 😳
I'm determined to be a countdown. I'll stop at nothing.
And your sudden death question on the Food & Drink round is...
Why does toast taste so much better when it's cut diagonally?
I'm on my treadmill watching snooker and suddenly sang a few bars of a Justin Bieber song.
I'm just nipping out to kill myself.
The writer of Whisky Galore Compton Mackenzie (probably falsely) supported Neville Chamberlain's claim to have invented snooker #CueI
My DMs are switched off @LynJR
! I may be in London but if there's something you'd like, please email me via email@example.com 😀
I'm at @ThwaitesEmpire
hosting a fundraising quiz (their roof collapsed!) on 4th May. Please contact the theatre for the remaining tickets 💙
We have a few tickets left for the @OakhavenHospice @TheWheatsheafNM
charity quiz on Wed May 11th with @cjdemooi
. Call John on 01425 611082
Good morning ☀️
Bedtime for me. I wish each and every one of my lovely followers a peaceful sleep starting off with a virtual cuddle from me. Goodnight 💙
Stop caring what other people think about you!
Your time on this planet is scarily brief, so live for yourself and please just be happy 😃
How are you all enjoying Tuesday then? I'm just in limbo... too broken to go running and impatiently waiting for my visa to come through...
I bet the weather in Cape Town is so boringly predictable...
Thank you for the kind words but I'll still be here... constantly irritating... just like this suspicious rash I've got... 😳
@MytonHospices @JustGiving @cjdemooi
any chance of small sponsor CJ the same charity you gave one of your shirts for that raised £65 thanks
I'm off to South Africa for at least a few months as I've been offered work (and auditions for a US tv series) in my beloved Cape Town! ❤️🇿🇦
I have 2 pieces of news to share. You've got 1 hour to vote which you'd like to hear today...
Back home but it'll take a couple of days to source a new tyre so got this subtle compact in the meantime!
At least my life's not boring. Driving to Cardiff when one of my tyres exploded on the M4!
I'm fine but come on, which one of you cursed me?
Thank you @LondonMarathon
. It's always an honour to be part of the best marathon in the world ❤️
I'm fine (back on my treadmill!) but relieved it's all over! I ran 2.58.30 last year so am happy.
The winner of #CJRun
Good morning scrumptiousness!
After a rather uncomfortable night I've woken up happy and full of optimism.
Join me in a smile won't you? 😃
Thank you all for being so supportive and kind to me.
I have some very exciting news to share with you tomorrow but now to bed.
The amazing @LondonMarathon @stjohnambulance
were right and I do have a small fracture in my pelvis. Rather painful but nothing serious ❤️
I finished in 3.27.19 but off for an x-ray now. Thank you for the kind words but rest assured, pizza is still going to be messily devoured!
I was on for 2.55 but had a fall at 16 miles and fractured my pelvis so am off to hospital.
I'm so sorry for letting you all down.
Before 9am, guess my @LondonMarathon
finish time to win a signed copy of my autobiography. Please use hashtag #CJRun
I'm at Charing Cross and although it's damp, I'm raring to go.
Good luck and cuddles to everyone in @LondonMarathon
Use hashtag #CJRun
to guess my @LondonMarathon
time and win a signed copy of my autobiography. I don't feel ready but will try my hardest 😊
I can hear @karmachamedeon
snoring upstairs and it sounds like an asthmatic hippo making an obscene phone call.
Could someone tell me where I've stashed this please? It must have slipped my mind...
to guess my @LondonMarathon
finish time and win a signed autobiography.
I'm supporting @ChildrensAirAmb virginmoneygiving.com/cjdemooi