Please upgrade your browser to make full use of twiends.   chrome   firefox   ie   safari  
Want your own social home page like this one? Click here.
Charlie Brooker
television comedian authors 816,979 followers
Next version of Twitter contains a hidden cheat mode enabling players to tweet suicidally offensive statements without sustaining damage.
The sum total of my parenting knowledge so far is this: babies are a bit on the needy side.
Can you help find Elias Chentouf, 13, last seen at 5pm on 28/3 in #LadbrokeGrove? Call #Hammersmith police on 101.
Retweeted by Charlie Brooker
Dr. Seuss is no Spike Milligan.
Then I left it there, and took the baby upstairs. I returned to work (writing late at night). Hours later I went back to look at it again.
I looked at it for a while, quite close up, to see if it would help me get over the phobia. One of the biggest spiders I've ever seen.
So I dropped a heavy book on it, like a murderous coward. Then I stood on the book. Later, I moved the book. There it lay, big as a dog...
But as far as my arachnophobe brain is concerned, that'd be like trying to disarm an AK-47 toting spree killer using a bendy straw.
An addendum to last night's spider encounter. I know what I should've done. I should've scooped it up with a glass and a bit of paper.
I reckon even spiders are scared of spiders, which is why they often look like they're trying to run away from themselves.
If you cut open a spider it's just full of other spiders. And if you cut open those spiders: more spiders. Right down to sub-atomic level.
Someone once told me spiders share no DNA with anything else on the planet. Obviously that's bullshit, but I believe it anyway.
The older child thinks spiders are brilliant and hilarious, incidentally. He'd have been utterly delighted to meet it.
Many of you suggesting I should've lobbed the baby at the spider and run. Proud to say I only contemplated that for a full minute.
I should add that the baby was sleeping soundly. It's the first time I've truly deafened myself by screaming on the inside.
Just experienced interesting clash of instincts. Climbing stairs holding 3-week-old baby; unexpectedly encountered huge spider halfway up.
I was on Only Connect just now. It's repeated just after midnight on BBC4 OR watch it here on iPlayer:…
Here's a piece I wrote for The Guardian about how precisely brilliant the future's going to be:
After tonight's comp, we should be back in the future. Like at the end of the year. For our Hootenanny.
Essentially there's nothing stopping a UK Daily Show, but the Wipe 'format' isn't conducive to that kind of nightly volume...
... It's a very dense show in other words. To do a *much* longer run we'd prob have to cut back on the number of sections I do per ep...
... Our show is v diff beast and is chiefly assembled in edit suites throughout the week. We prune away about 25% of each item as we go...
... Something like Daily Show must have huge team of researchers, writers, producers etc to generate several new mins of material nightly...