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Charlie Brooker
Let's celebrate some common notions ALL gamers can / should agree on. Like that we miss this guy: youtu.be/jm3n4uQ0idY
Being prompted to vault over the grave of my daughter is diminishing the emotional resonance of this scene somewhat. pic.twitter.com/3xQij1vidB
Retweeted by Charlie Brooker
Nigel Farage looks like a Spitting Image puppet of himself.
Basically I need an app to help me schedule and organise my panicking. All booked up right now.
Look here world I don't have time to worry about Ebola right now; far too busy shitting myself about ISIS.
OMG LIKE TOTALLY TYPED THE FUCK OUT OF THIS SHIT FOR @guardian: gu.com/p/427mt/tw
Okay then RT @suttonnick: Friday's Daily Star front page - Plague of black eyed ghost children #tomorrowspaperstoday pic.twitter.com/HwfPY209oZ
That last RT reminds me: how do you explain 'gamergate' to a grownup?
Found this image on the mindnumbingly stupid #MeninistTwitter hashtag. Dude is complaining about having to "be clean" pic.twitter.com/sGpkmJGXXj
Retweeted by Charlie Brooker
Quite a design flaw RT @NYMag: If you sit with your iPhone 6 Plus in your pocket, it bends beyond repair nym.ag/1ypQdH8
Retweeted by Charlie Brooker
Wrote this for @guardian about modern life being rubbish: gu.com/p/4xng5/tw
I don't know why but I'm really really belly laughing at that last Limmy RT
.@Sony I bought one of your radios but it doesn't go loud enough. Pics attached. pic.twitter.com/fuhuCALCJa
Retweeted by Charlie Brooker
Just remembered soon I've got to start watching the entire year back again for the annual end of year show. It'll be like Clockwork Orange.
It's because his surname sounds like 'Salmon', see.
Smoked Salmond! Tee hee. Hoo hoo hoo. What a card.
Trying to think of another one about the Salmond being off but the moment's gone oh fuck it
Apparently I stole that 'joke' from Lord Sugar. I'm fired!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!???!!!!!!
Hey Scotland, govt starts issuing your new uniforms 5pm tmrw. Collect from nearest official unity depot. One size fits all. Cheers, bye.
Here's how tweeting nothing but photos of open gobs dented my follower count last time courtesy @FrenchTheHaggis pic.twitter.com/JG8RFMJfJH
I'll have to check but I think I lost about 20,000 followers last time.
And there was me thinking he was shouting "no". pic.twitter.com/zub9MwRa37
Do you know where Arnis Zalkalns is? Have you seen him? Contact police urgently 020 8353 0100 #FindAlice pic.twitter.com/2K1ndhnsDg
Retweeted by Charlie Brooker
Defacer's dream RT @suttonnick: Thursday's Scottish Sun - "Today Scotland starts with a blank page" #indyref pic.twitter.com/R34fBro3JL
Possible outcome: No wins, but the following day Yes starts to form a UK-wide movement.
Don't look at this. Genuinely, don't. RT @DaftLimmy: Sweet dreams. vine.co/v/OW7XjF2IQT3
My nightmare = world in which only cure for Ebola is frenziedly eating handfuls of live spiders.
Someone just told me to 'man up'. No. No I won't.
What I need is a pair of augmented reality goggles that airbrush out spiders before I can see them.
And deliberately squinting so my vision's a blur if I go into a room that seems 'likely' to have a spider in it.
We're into spider season now and I still haven't seen one this month. But then I am habitually walking up and down stairs with eyes closed.
Read more about 41yo Arnis Zalkalns missing from #Ealing & why officers trying to #FindAlice are involved (2/3) pic.twitter.com/Hebvczn1t4
Retweeted by Charlie Brooker
I mean, I was reading a bedtime story to a two-year-old yesterday and suddenly found myself having to say this: pic.twitter.com/bFehdnXL43
Still get surprised when children's stories abruptly turn harsh. pic.twitter.com/Z0dFXxeXly
TIP: Raise your self-esteem by pretending Twitter is a stream-of-consciousness novel you're writing in fitful bursts.
@charltonbrooker Over 2 wks & Alice is still missing. We so desperately want to bring her home Plse RT #FindAlice #UK pic.twitter.com/NyxXKlKEHe
Retweeted by Charlie Brooker