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Charlie Brooker
My nightmare = world in which only cure for Ebola is frenziedly eating handfuls of live spiders.
Someone just told me to 'man up'. No. No I won't.
What I need is a pair of augmented reality goggles that airbrush out spiders before I can see them.
And deliberately squinting so my vision's a blur if I go into a room that seems 'likely' to have a spider in it.
We're into spider season now and I still haven't seen one this month. But then I am habitually walking up and down stairs with eyes closed.
Read more about 41yo Arnis Zalkalns missing from #Ealing & why officers trying to #FindAlice are involved (2/3)
Retweeted by Charlie Brooker
I mean, I was reading a bedtime story to a two-year-old yesterday and suddenly found myself having to say this:
Still get surprised when children's stories abruptly turn harsh.
TIP: Raise your self-esteem by pretending Twitter is a stream-of-consciousness novel you're writing in fitful bursts.
@charltonbrooker Over 2 wks & Alice is still missing. We so desperately want to bring her home Plse RT #FindAlice #UK
Retweeted by Charlie Brooker
Thinking of compiling a Spotify playlist of sad break-up songs for Scotland.
Please explore and share our interactive map showing movements of Alice Gross on Thurs 28 Aug.Help #FindAlice #London
Retweeted by Charlie Brooker
Good of Apple to launch a wristband that raises awareness of Chinese factory conditions.
Unless it's powered by your kidneys, of course.
Wonderful evenings to look forward to, crouching awkwardly with your wrist 15cm from a power socket, charging your Apple fucking Watch.
Craig Brown's parody of Richard Dawkins' Twitter feed in the latest Private Eye is superb.
Wuss can't handle it RT @[name redacted] beating a dead horse with this Murray stuff
:O RT @[name redacted]: meh unfollowed
@charltonbrooker we shouldn't joke, Andy was victim of the great apple thief of 2013.
Retweeted by Charlie Brooker
It will now last all day. RT @[name redacted]: it was funny for an hour. Please stop now.
The Touch of Cloth complete seasons 1-3 DVD boxset is out now and it's fairly cheap:…
Sorry but let's just examine that Murray shot again. I don't think it's possible for the human jaw to do that.