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Charlie Brooker
television comedian authors 816,979 followers
Next version of Twitter contains a hidden cheat mode enabling players to tweet suicidally offensive statements without sustaining damage.
The sum total of my parenting knowledge so far is this: babies are a bit on the needy side.
Can you help find Elias Chentouf, 13, last seen at 5pm on 28/3 in #LadbrokeGrove? Call #Hammersmith police on 101. pic.twitter.com/W1jUDzFg3l
Retweeted by Charlie Brooker
Dr. Seuss is no Spike Milligan.
Then I left it there, and took the baby upstairs. I returned to work (writing late at night). Hours later I went back to look at it again.
I looked at it for a while, quite close up, to see if it would help me get over the phobia. One of the biggest spiders I've ever seen.
So I dropped a heavy book on it, like a murderous coward. Then I stood on the book. Later, I moved the book. There it lay, big as a dog...
But as far as my arachnophobe brain is concerned, that'd be like trying to disarm an AK-47 toting spree killer using a bendy straw.
An addendum to last night's spider encounter. I know what I should've done. I should've scooped it up with a glass and a bit of paper.
I reckon even spiders are scared of spiders, which is why they often look like they're trying to run away from themselves.
If you cut open a spider it's just full of other spiders. And if you cut open those spiders: more spiders. Right down to sub-atomic level.
Someone once told me spiders share no DNA with anything else on the planet. Obviously that's bullshit, but I believe it anyway.
The older child thinks spiders are brilliant and hilarious, incidentally. He'd have been utterly delighted to meet it.
Many of you suggesting I should've lobbed the baby at the spider and run. Proud to say I only contemplated that for a full minute.
I should add that the baby was sleeping soundly. It's the first time I've truly deafened myself by screaming on the inside.
Just experienced interesting clash of instincts. Climbing stairs holding 3-week-old baby; unexpectedly encountered huge spider halfway up.
I was on Only Connect just now. It's repeated just after midnight on BBC4 OR watch it here on iPlayer: bbc.co.uk/programmes/b03…
Here's a piece I wrote for The Guardian about how precisely brilliant the future's going to be: gu.com/p/3nhek
After tonight's comp, we should be back in the future. Like at the end of the year. For our Hootenanny.
Essentially there's nothing stopping a UK Daily Show, but the Wipe 'format' isn't conducive to that kind of nightly volume...
... It's a very dense show in other words. To do a *much* longer run we'd prob have to cut back on the number of sections I do per ep...
... Our show is v diff beast and is chiefly assembled in edit suites throughout the week. We prune away about 25% of each item as we go...
... Something like Daily Show must have huge team of researchers, writers, producers etc to generate several new mins of material nightly...