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Chad Shapiro
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Hey bob thanks for house sitting while I'm gone. Tell Fred there's a pie in the freezer. He knows. #feedtheguests
Yeah. I'm in NY. Unfortunately just at JFK airport. No time to hang. Off to punts cana, dr. #vacation
guy in LA is trying to make LEFT into a shopping center w/ no traffic light. I bought him a coffee and a crossword puzzle. #concernedcitizen
Comedian Chad Shapiro continues to write fake news headlines about himself. No one cares. #mustseetweet #loveablewiseass #indoorhusband
Comedian Chad Shapiro goes to popular sushi restaurant, but something smells fishy. Finds out the fish isn't cooked. #rawstoryateleven
Comedians Chad Shapiro befriends a rock, his wife says "No Pets!" What happens next will make you cry. #glueforgooglyeyes #petrock #rescue
Comedian Chad Shapiro sues future comedy audiences for response to politically incorrect bits. "Groans are not laughs" says Seinfeld.
Comedian Chad Shapiro writes open letter to urge people to stop writing open letters. You'll never believe what happened next....#nothing
Hey kids Santa is playing with your gifts.
I'm writing new material today and without performing on stage. I know it will be funny. Some jokes just work the first time.
Once again facebook. You waisted my time.
In an article, why write "no pun intended?" Just choose a different word before publishing. If you post, it was intended #loveablewiseass
In LA. I'm filming Hard Rain 2 "Rain Rain Go Away" I'm taking Christian Slaters part, I need a Morgan Freeman? Straight to DVD. Who's in?
Holy crap it's raining. Anyone have a jet ski?
Chris Christie now says he shut down the GW Bridge in protest of #furgeson, then sets up meeting with the cake boss to work things out.
Are people really protesting by blocking traffic in CA? WAIT A MINUTE, it will be backed up on its own. #LAtraffic #furgeson #indoorhusband
I'm thankful the year is almost over. back on track & started building my empire. Next year is huge & it's already begun taking shape. #2015
Happy tday. This thanksgiving no turkey. My meal my way. Chicken is finger lickin. Enjoy.
Anyone have so much trouble opening articles on FB phone app, that it's not worth reading. Pop ups, hidden ad links, incomplete screen?
In defense of #cakeboss he took a breathalyzer before he drove. Too drunk to know he was blowing into a cannoli @CakeBossBuddy #tweetsbychad
Remember when you would ask someone to play. Now it's hang out. Let's bring it back. Wanna play? Ok now I see it. Kinda creepy as an adult
Remember when you would ask someone to play. If I only knew I could have my parents book my play dates. #babybosses #tweetsbychad
I am a storm tracker, Tracker. Look what I found.
I'm going to el segundo to meet a friend for dinner. I'm not bringing my wallet. If don't know why ask Q Tip.
I overcome all weakness with my smart phone. It's smart so I don't have to be #math #spelling #history #geography still can't figure out gym
I have a hundred jokes per minute, but I'm a slow Typer. So I only post one a week. I apologize to my fan. Sorry mom.
I'm glad I don't have to deal with Dating apps. I downloaded grinder because I love sandwiches. "Sure I'll have the hot beef" #indoorhusband
WARNING!!! heckling a comedian is like cat calling (any gender). Yes it is that rude. Shut up & enjoy the show or leave. #yournothelping
I'm glad I'm married. It's gotten to the point where you can't pick up a girl in a dark alley anymore. #indoorhusband #dontcatcall
Has anyone ever picked trick? I did once, but she wanted to charge me $100. #hustleandflow #halloween #hardoutthere4apimp
What did you do with your candy?My friends played poker used candy as chips. I only gambled with the ones that had razor blades. #halloween
Redbull gives you wings but how many people died filming their commercials? We only see the ones that make it.
The stage at Santa Anna star casino will be rockin tonight. Laugh it up in New Mexico.
Performing at a casino in New Mexico 7pm. Then catch my encore at the hot tub.
I'm going to the dollar store anyone need anything? #makingrain #dollartreevs99centonly
I'm building an empire and changing the game. Who wants in?
@ChadShapiro Hey We made a vidoe for Funny or Die with Rolan Whitt aka @spazmasterr See what you think. Maybe share. funnyordie.com/m/99r0
Retweeted by Chad Shapiro
I'm actually looking at the Ralph's supermarket circular for sales. I'm a grocery shopper. I went from indoor husband to house husband.
This week turbo Tuesday followed by buzzed bar games Wednesdays. Going back to Cali. Entertaining studio city this week.
The hotel I'm at has my favorite flavor pastries, "Free". #ifitsfreetakeit #tweetsbychad #indoorhusband
I'm in Arkansas. Banging in Little Rock. With #BillClinton
Tonight. It's the famous comedy on rye. Witness it for your self. Comedy show 7:30pm at canters deli kibitz room. Message 4 tix
Don't drink & drive. #uber How do rich celebs get DUI? Can't you hire a limo & buy a new car. 1st thing when I'm rich is getting a driver.
#StephenCollins hired digital underground for the trial. "if ya missed it I'm the one who said just grab 'em in the biscuits" #humptydance