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Best Drunk Tweets!

When you lose your mom at the store
Cop: Am I Pronouncing This Right, Ping Pong? Girl: It's Lisa Cop: Ok Sushi
(Taco Bell drive thru) Me: can I get some extra mild sauce Cashier: sure Me:
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when she introduces herself to your boys as your girlfriend, but you've only been dating for 9 years
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"Trump is paying $85 an hour to build the wall, wyd?" Me:
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You vs the guy she tells you not to worry about
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Trump: The less immigrants we let in the better. Pence: The fewer Trump: Shhh, don't call me that in public yet.
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My fish had a baby so we celebrating 👶🏻�8SUO
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Obama: "I use to be presi..." Officer: "Yeah yeah yeah. Step outta the car Daquan."
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"Identity theft isn't a joke Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!"
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"Ling Ling, truth or dare..." "Truth" "Where's Amy's dog?" "Dare"
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Lawyer: where were you last Saturday at 4:20? Guy: hitting the trees till I look Chinese Judge: same Lawyer: same
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"you can't just run away from your problems" Me:
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