When you lose your mom at the store
Cop: Am I Pronouncing This Right, Ping Pong?
Girl: It's Lisa
Cop: Ok Sushi
Look at this little judgmental ass dog
(Taco Bell drive thru)
Me: can I get some extra mild sauce
when she introduces herself to your boys as your girlfriend, but you've only been dating for 9 years
"Trump is paying $85 an hour to build the wall, wyd?"
You vs the guy she tells you not to worry about
Trump: The less immigrants we let in the better.
Pence: The fewer
Trump: Shhh, don't call me that in public yet.
Got denied from Harvard :(
My fish had a baby so we celebrating
Obama: "I use to be presi..."
Officer: "Yeah yeah yeah. Step outta the car Daquan."
WHEN SHE ONLY LIKES YOU AS A FRIEND
"Identity theft isn't a joke Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!"
"Ling Ling, truth or dare..."
"Where's Amy's dog?"
Lawyer: where were you last Saturday at 4:20?
Guy: hitting the trees till I look Chinese
"you can't just run away from your problems"