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caprice crane
Pink car, vanity plates & 50 stuffed animals in her back window? She's totally gonna poke holes in your condoms, bro.
I don't even know where to begin with how many things are wrong with this chick's Pepto Bismol colored Mercedes. Any girl with this color car, a vanity plate like that, and 50 stuffed animals in her back window is totally gonna poke holes in your condoms. #fact #bewarned #somuchno
There's a castle in the middle of Toronto and the leaves are changing and it's not the worst thing to look at I suppose. #casaloma #castle #toronto #leaves #fall
This is a real billboard on a bus I'm behind right now. That's quite a name. #punch #sock #violent
You can point out other people's typos or you can have friends. But not both.
"White people. Pumpkin Spice Lattes. LOL. So white." - white people
Oh well, whatever... #nevermind #nirvana #digthename
Sure, you'll get a "bless you" for your 1st sneeze. Yes, I will reluctantly bless you if you sneeze again. But after that, you can fuck off.
"It is no more acceptable to abuse a pig than it would be to abuse a dog." Thank you @billmaher for your OP-ED today:…
Here my friend Emily is admiring her artwork. It would appear this piece is called "Poop." #art #myfriendemily #museumquality #poop
This is Sparkie the baby snapping turtle. My friend's mom, Kathy, found her on the edge of her driveway. Sparkie is a lady and we know this because Kathy's friend Chuck told her so and he showed her Sparkie's belly button. She is in a butter container. The end. #sparkiethesnappingturtle #nicedigs #n
"Waiter, how do you pronounce this?" "Açaí." "And what about this?" "Quinoa." "And this?" "Sir, I have other tables." "Wrong. It's gnocchi."
Remember when you posted that selfie, then got self-conscious and deleted it, thinking probably nobody saw? Oh, we saw.
That moment of panic when you get a notification that you've been tagged in a photo but you don't know what it is yet.
If you're wondering what kind of assholes live in my neighborhood, the sweetheart a few doors up has roosters. No farm. Just roosters.
He died doing what he loved: faking his own death. Or did he...
#tbt Throwback to about five years ago when all Max had to be afraid of was the Swine Flu. Now he's scared of Ebola. Guess he needs another mask. #handsomemax #hypochondriac #takingnochances
The kids who grow up to be teachers from this generation will write OMFG and LMFAO next to the wrong answers.
Someone I respect, admire & deeply cherish just lost his husband to suicide. If you're depressed, please ask for help. We're here & we care.
My instagram is: capricecrane Get with me:
This headline is wonderful. And I'm not usually a fan of realizing photos of the victims in crime scenes but in this case, I'll allow. Side note: OF COURSE it was Walmart #crimescene #humping #toyhorse #walmart #ofcourseitwaswalmart
Turn down for what? I don't know, how about because it's loud and it's giving me a headache, does everything have to be a discussion?!
Max is doing yoga. This pose is called, "If I lie here really still, I will perfectly blend in and nobody will notice me." #handsomemax #yoga #shihtzu #adoptdontshop #blenditlikebeckham
If you've never been described as "weird," you're not one of us.
#WCW Growing up, I watched a lot of this comedic genius. If there was ever an "I Love Lucy" marathon on TV, my best friend and I would plant ourselves in bed and watch every single episode. That was always a good day. We need more Lucys in the world. #lucilleball #thebest #secondfavoriteredhead
When you meet someone new, it's always a countdown to when they'll show you what kind of weirdo they really are.
Good news, Team Leroy! The other kid came by today and I've confirmed he is also a boy. So now we have a Lionel and a Leroy. I've put the boys side by side in profile to show you the easiest way to tell them apart: Lionel has a scar on the right side of his nose. His infant months were hard living a
Chillin with my best girl, #LadyLloyd. We talked about the fact that my neighbors got wind chimes and they're super annoying. I'm glad it's not just me who thinks so. We get each other. #lloydthesquirrel #nature #squirrel #realtalk
"This Cold Medicine Lasts 8 Hours" is the "I Promise I'll Pull Out, Baby" of the pharmaceutical industry.
The way to actually enjoy getting dumped is to just walk away at the part when they say, "You're really great."
There is nothing more terrifying than someone who smiles when they're working out.
"That was delicious!" #handsomemax #shihtzu #lookattheundersideofmytongue
If you're not terrified by how quickly something you click on becomes an ad in your facebook feed, you're not paying attention.
Represented for my girl @mercedeshelnwein who is insanely talented and had an art opening last night at @merrykarnowskygallery. #mercedeshelnwein #merrykarnowskygallery #laart #helnwein
It's a dead heat between Leroy and Lionel for what to name this baby. I love that he eats almonds even though his mother refuses them with disdain and demands #walnutsonly. This #Sia song went well with the moment. #nature #freetheanimal #ladylloyd #lloydthesquirrel #namethatsquirrel
People who write insane Yelp rants should be forced to wear their review on a sandwich board and shout it to passersby.
The only thing worse than being included in a group text is checking your phone when some random idiot replies to it.
Saw this storefront last night and thought, "Yes, I do too." Traditional ugly is so often beautiful to me. And vice versa. #iloveugly #lostangeles #beautyisintheeyeofthebeholder
Celebrating the launch of #SharonGannon's new book “Simple Recipes for Joy” last night with my animal rights and rescue family @farrahesmith @gretchen_ryan and @katiecleary11. #jivamukti #yoga #greatfriendsgreatnight
Please enjoy the melodious chomping of Lady Lloyd as you vote on a name for her son. Top choices for squirrel child #1 are Leroy and Lionel. Volume up and go! #ladylloyd #lloydthesquirrel #nature #namethatsquirrel
Face Tattoos. For when you feel like the one on your neck doesn't quite tell us how fucked up you are.
#FBF Flashback to my pretty mama on set with Jackie Gleason and Bob Hope from when they shot "How to Commit Marriage." She seems to be eavesdropping here. Very subtle. Learned all my tricks from her. #tinalouise #jackiegleason #bobhope #prettiestmama #vintagehollywood
They called it "Taco Bell" because it sounded nicer than, "You're really gonna need a bathroom."
Lady Lloyd and her kids came by today. She's teaching them that parents eat first and she does NOT appreciate interlopers when she's dining. I'm teaching the kids to eat almonds so they're not walnut snobs like their mother. So far no complaints. This is one of the kids, and as you can see he is def
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance - The five stages of realizing your best friend is now “gluten-free.”
This is the face I missed so much. This nose. Those perfectly kissable lips. Happy to be home to my baby boy. (Who turns 15 years old in 19 days!!) #bestwelcomehome #handsomemax #myheart
¡Adios, #Barcelona! I'm sorry if I corrupted you in any way. I promise I'll behave better next time. #nottrue #LaRambla #olé
Oh look, guys. The #FCBarcelona and the #RealMadrid cookies. Two teams living side by side in harmony. It's a wonderful thing, isn't it? If people would only look to the cookie, all our problems would be solved. #looktothecookie #madrid #Barcelona #Seinfeld
Don't talk to me until I've had my morning coffee. Just kidding. Please don't talk to me at all.