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caprice crane
Currently hiding from someone I know at a restaurant and feeling less bitter about the person I saw hiding from me a couple weeks ago.
Follow me on instagram @capricecrane for ridiculousness and silly pictures of animals I'm friends with: instagram.com/capricecrane
It's cute how people think we care about their opinions.
How crazy is it that there was a time when our phones would ring and we'd all answer them without even knowing who was calling?!
Oooh! Look what I've got. A sleeping baby in the crook of my neck. Interesting word, "crook" because he just stole my heart for the millionth time. (Max hasn't been feeling great this weekend so please keep him in your thoughts. #preciousbaby #handsomemax #forevermyheart
The irony of the leaked nude celebrity photos is, the trolls who did it are the exact type who'd never even show their real face online.
Running around popping balloons behind every pregnant woman I see, trying to force Labor Day to live up to its name.
I decided that my relationship with Esther had progressed enough that it was finally time to introduce her to my family. Max and Esther had a lot to talk about including but not limited to food, naps, and how to limit any other nonsense. #conversationswithesther #handsomemax #estherthewonderpig #est
I finally found Esther hiding in those bushes. We spent some time rooting around in the dirt and talked about what kind of car she wants to get when she moves to her new farm. She likes something sporty and while I do too, I suggested that she get something with a little more cargo space. #sundayfun
Currently playing "hide and seek" with my friend Esther. See if you can you spot her in this photo? #weekendfun #hideandseek #estherthewonderpig
The freedom we have as adults to eat and drink whatever we want whenever we want is both magnificent and disastrous.
Meet me at the corner of Shank St. and Blanket Party Ave. #shank #illcutabitch #doyourowntime
Hey, TV shows with doorbells or cell phone rings that sound exactly like mine. Stop it. I don't need that kind of stress in my life.
In Joan Rivers' last book, Diary of a Mad Diva, she questions dwarf penises and sexual prowess and included this funny anecdote about a dwarf hitting on my mom. We love @JoanRivers and, like so many others, all we want this weekend is for her to pull through. Hang in there, Joan. ❤️ #joanrivers #har
Yay! Starbucks just brought our GMO-milk, high fructose corn syrup, no-pumpkin-actually-included drink back early!
So much fun last night at the powerful and inspiring @beaglefreedom Foundation event with @simonereyes, @victoriasummer and @matthewkennycuisine. #beaglefreedom #stopanimaltesting #theydeservelovetoo
The couple breaking up at the table next to me did not appreciate me mentioning her point was valid. Definitely not going to ask for a fry.
Instagram is down. At lunchtime! Nobody will eat their food, people everywhere are canceling plans because why bother?
Pretty sure I was only one year old here and I was already having to give someone a talking to. "Take your Big Wheel and get out of here!" #tbt #baller #shotcaller #theboss
Lloyd and I are back in business. Today Lady Lloyd stopped by for some lunch and she told me that she would need extra nuts to make up for all the nuts she's missed in her absence. She added that she wasn't just working an angle--she needs to be strong for her babies. I couldn't argue with that so I
Kind of incredible timing that Max's Paw Pack arrived today on National Dog Day. Whenever Max gets his mail, he inspects it very carefully because this is obviously important business. We love them because they're all "organic" and that means we can eat more of the treats. That's what organic means,
"I'd love to!" - me, lying
To celebrate National Dog Day, I give you "Wasn't Me." The story of a young Max who stole my oatmeal and then swore he had nothing to do with it. Clearly, he was innocent. #handsomemax #wasntme #ididntdoit #thief #liar
When I think about quitting coffee the fear is not that *I* will die...it's that *others* will die, and I will go to jail.
I am not emotionally prepared for the Robin Williams tribute coming up. #Emmys
Any Emmy winners who Bryan Cranston doesn't make out with tonight are gonna feel totally snubbed. #Emmys
It's pretty early to peak but @jimmykimmel kind of just won the night with his teasing of Mathew McConaughey. #Emmys
Loved @SarahKSilverman pointing out to Guiliana Rancic: "Why did you put a microphone in front of me? You didn't ask a question!" #Emmys
Attention everyone: Lloyd is back!!!!!! It's the greatest day in the greatest week in the history of ever!! He's skinnier and his tail has thinned and that is quite possibly because Lloyd is in fact a lady. (S)HE WAS OFF HAVING BABIES BUT LLOYD CAME HOME TODAY AND EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL! Welcome ba
Getting to spend time with Sam Simon yesterday was more important to me than any VMA/Emmy parties going on this weekend. Co-creator of The Simpsons and HERO to animals everywhere. Sam has (often secretly) facilitated numerous animal rescues and given countless millions to charitable foundations. It'
If you want to make someone completely freak out, just text them "I need to talk to you about something..."
But what 2-year-old hasn't been on a stage when her mother accepted an award in a multi-color mirrored leotard? #VMAs
Beyoncé for President! #VMAs
Whoever told Miley to have a homeless kid accept her award deserves a huge raise. #VMAs
Jason Derulo just walked backstage and had a seizure because he didn't get to say his name. #VMAs
That awkward moment when Kim Kardashian pretends to enjoy Jay Pharoah impersonating Kanye. #VMAs pic.twitter.com/OLXiw8GtNR
It was obvious @NICKIMINAJ had a #WardrobeMalfunction because that was the most clothed we've ever seen her. #VMAs
"Yes, I wear condoms on my ears. This is L.A. You can never be too careful." - this dude I just saw at a restaurant. #condomearrings #readyforanything #wtf
That ex you've been stalking on social media hasn't thought about you at all. Have a great day!
A pensive Max wonders why of all the groomers in all the towns in all the world, she walked into his. Play it, Sam. Play "As Time Goes By." #handsomemax #casablanca #ginjointgrooming™
I wish I had 1/10 the confidence of a dog stealing food off a table.
This was my first dog love. We had two but this one was small enough for me to carry places and strangle with affection. She was awesome. The end. #lenny #tbt
If you want to introduce a new generation to a great family-friendly show, they're starting Gilligan's Island from the beginning (in color) tonight on MeTV at 8pm. Watch my gorgeous mama strut her stuff! #gilligansisland #tinalouise #metv #noresiduals
James doesn't know this but we've secretly replaced his coffee with crystal meth. Let's see if he notices.
More often than not, the right thing to say is nothing at all. More people should try that.
Found a new spot to hang out. Because I'm mature. #marilyn #totallylookedupherskirt
I told this guy we could still see him. Some people don't even know how to hide behind a planter. C'mon dude. This is Stalking 101. #heretohelp #stalking101 #yourewelcomedude