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Comedians For Cancer
All those in favor of drinking some wine, raise your hand: pic.twitter.com/XtCU1BJDdb
Justin Bieber's slow transformation into Vanilla Ice is almost complete: pic.twitter.com/NQ7FsQSOIn
Two things I REALLY hate about Twitter. 1. It doesn't notify me when it's your Birthday. 2. You can't tell when I'm being Sarcastic.
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Scarlett Johansson may play Hillary Clinton. The movie will cover that one time when Hillary Clinton looked nothing like Hillary Clinton.
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Is there an app for you not telling me about apps?
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It's sad that Kim Kardashian will never love Kanye West as much as Kanye West loves Kanye West.
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Wallet chains are a good way to let the ladies know you've got about $7 you don't want to lose.
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The world is my oyster. And I'm allergic to shellfish.
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This is what happens when you give kangaroos internet access: pic.twitter.com/kHclBfKHHZ
1. Chillin' out 2. Maxin' 3. Relaxin, 4. All Cool (Settings on my Fresh Prince of Bel Air Conditioner)
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My next door neighbor is a bitch... so I just snuck into her house and taught her parrot to say "my husband can never find out about us."
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'Vegetarians' don't eat meat. 'Vegans' also don't eat eggs, milk or cheese. The final step is to just stand there +pretend to be a tree.
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If you have no regrets you're either a liar or an asshole.
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