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Bree Essrig
My dog qualifies as a service dog. *dog starts breakdancing* You're being served as we speak.
Retweeted by Bree Essrig
new super hero? what about reverse spider man. a spider gets bitten by a human and starts feeling emotions and has to find a job
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I'm gonna start calling you Traffic because you ruin my fucking life.
For sale, baby shoes, never worn, cause babies don't need shoes yet, lol. -Ernest Hemingway
Denise Huxtable #wcw #styleicon
Only 40's kids will get this: polio
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I can tell by the crusty food explosion in your microwave that you'll be just as destructive to my vagina. Also, come over.
"sorry sorry sorry reallysorry reallysorry sorry" - remorse code
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Of course I think we matter. I'm an audacious member of the species.
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Me right now. #sick #gimmesoupanddrugsandoranges
In scary movies, why do families insist on buying old, gross-ass houses without actually looking at them first? "This one's a fixer upper!"
Damn girl are you a pizza at a Chinese buffet because I'm not feeling it right now but I see you over there doing you and I respect that.
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Retwet if u like My Girl the first one with the bees fav if u like My Girl 2 because the boy es hotter.
Changing my dog's name to Hair Bud cuz she's really good at leaving hair all over my couch :(
So, is there an uncle Jemima? *wipes syrup off mouth*
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My favorite episode of Friends is the one where blacks mysteriously vanish and unemployed white people find affordable housing in Manhattan.
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One day I'm gonna buy all of your favstar trophies at a garage sale and pretend that I won them.
My sister's jokes are TOXIC! LOLOLOLOLOL
*Slaps cigarette out of friend's hand "I thought you were done looking cool!" *friend leans against a wall & sighs *slaps wall away "Stop!"
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Elijah Wood always looks like he just remembered your name.
Retweeted by Bree Essrig