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Bree Essrig
Me right now.
Alas, they've removed my wisdom. *sighs* Please send all the fro-yo.
Sam Pepper Exposed - the disturbing behind the scenes stories and what we can do about it…
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Ummmm how fucking amazing is @meghantonjes?! You NEED to watch this, nowsies!… #SamPepper #DontPrankMe
The movie Backdraft was just added to Netflix! You know, in case you were looking for a reason to cancel Netflix.
"Dad there's a Monster under my bed" "Ok son, I'll check it out" *looks under bed* "OH DAMN IT'S A 24oz!" *chugs that shit*
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Maybe my dad leaving was just a social experiment #SamPepper
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Thank you @DurexCondoms for putting a same sex couple in your ad!!! πŸ‘­πŸ‘¬πŸ‘«=πŸ‘‰πŸ‘ŒπŸ˜œ
I'm not single, I'm SANGLE (single and singing about it).
Check out this @RogueKite sketch & RT if your dog is BAE!!!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON OCT.11th?! COME WALK WITH ME! Visit! My team name is Less Judging, More Hugging. Or search by my first and last name! Bring your friends!
What are you doing on Oct. 11th? COME WALK WITH ME!…
Sad that I'm JUST now seeing this. Still BRILLIANT & thought-provoking, nonetheless. THANK YOU, @arthur_affect <3…
just dropped my new single it's me i'm single
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if ur not fergalicious then what's the point
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Sometimes I sit on my hand till it's numb so it feels like someone else is hitchhiking in a tube top
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Serious question: if the kiss cam ever landed on you and your opposite sex sibling, would you make out? For like a second? If not, why not?
dope 🌳🏀
"Anyone can use my swing." 😍
Greetings from Florence! I heard my new video is ready. Eat it with your face!… #bitcoin @BreeEssrig #ass #babes πŸ˜˜πŸ˜πŸ‘­
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*becomes interior decorator just to recommend the same piece of art to all clients: Dogs Playing Poker*
I'm white but not "mmm try some of this yummy cantaloupe!" white.
I wonder what it's like to be able to afford a large Yankee candle.
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Fact: I played basketball JUST so I could have a number 33 jersey like Gerald. #tbt
Fact: I chose number 33 because of Gerald. #tbt
I luv to watch mah babe while she slippin...
How to get in shape: -stretch a little bit -fold your body into a hexagon
retweet this if you like noodles. favorite this if you dislike noodles. retweet AND favorite this ifHAVE SEX WITH ME!!!
The secret ingredient that @Starbucks adds to their Pumpkin Spice Latte is a dash of Ryan Gosling's semen.
Wait, the movie Traffic is a horror film about driving in Los Angeles, right?
super babe patti smith 😍 #tbt
Sorry, what were you saying? My stupid baby fell over.
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Stop pissing me off or I'll marry you
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Picking your nose is totally understandable, but if you eat whatever comes out on your finger, then I hope nothing good EVER happens to you!
Sometimes you need to be your own #womancrushwednesday!!! #prettyprettyprincess #beautyqueen #theworldisMINE
Don’t allow people who misunderstand you to define you.
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Don't ever put beer in your trendy BPA-free gym water bottle. It will DEFINITELY explode while you're running on the treadmill. That is all.
Cute couple...oh wait...
My one wish is to truly not give a fuck about anything or anyone. Hence why my favorite retailer is @UrbanOutfitters!!! THEY RAWK <3
Unsalted soft pretzel? Bitch please. No wait, I'll take it. Sorry mom.
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"Son, do you know why we named you Easter Bunny?" *sigh* "Because you don't b-" "BECAUSE WE DON'T BELIEVE IN YOU"
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burger king strawberry milkshakes are made from melted down Barbie furniture
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84% of UFO sightings are just sombreros that got blown off in the wind.
Retweeted by Bree Essrig