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Bree Essrig
Happy Earth Day! Now, about those chemtrails...
"Bree, what are you doing for your birthday?" Wishing 4 infinite # of wishes, listening to Billy Ocean, and trying on all of my fanny packs.
"They call me Space Cowboy because I'm the John Wayne of getting highhhh!" Something Steve Miller probably said as he high-fived himself.
All drug deals should involve mini briefcases.
24 is a lucky number. Just ask Jack Bauer.
"I was not only twenty-three but a conspicuously retarded twenty-three." -J.D. Salinger
Three generations of sassy bitches.
Some dude is playing House of the Rising Sun on a pan flute at this Earth Day fair. Needless to say, I am highly aroused...
Blow dry. #Beauty #Vanity #Selfé #SexyMan #FabricOfOurLives #Cotton #Incest #DogsOfInstagram
Can someone come over and massage this stressed-out kale that I just bought? Better yet, anyone got the # of a great kale masseuse?
Currently listening to my mother explain why Homeowner's Associations are necessary & am praying for an asteroid to hit Earth. Like now.
fucking typical that the kind of woman who drops a pen on the train is also insanely rude when i pick it up for her in my dextrous toe shoes
Retweeted by Bree Essrig
I always thought it was called "queefing".
When I grow up I wanna be a baby.
@JaySear: Bree, I made this for you! Sith, or Jedi? Which will you choose? :D” HOLYSHITBALLZ, I DON'T KNOW!!!
I'm good at shitting on joy. #tbt
My rap game has gotten STRONG! Example: Used to be Hooked on Phonics, Now I'm hooked on tonics (water).
EARTHQUAKE!!!! Get prepared! #QuakeCottage #EarthquakeSimulator
"I have a very special relationship with Jesus Christ." Ew, quit name-dropping.
After I go out this door, I may only exist in the minds of all my acquaintances. I may be an orange peel.
Retweeted by Bree Essrig
Langston Hughes: Hey, I had the craziest dream last night, want to hear it? Everyone: NO!
Hoping this is some sort of Pleasantville situation that takes me straight into the classic family film, Alladin. So much sand. So much FUN!