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Bree Essrig
Currently listening to my mother explain why Homeowner's Associations are necessary & am praying for an asteroid to hit Earth. Like now.
fucking typical that the kind of woman who drops a pen on the train is also insanely rude when i pick it up for her in my dextrous toe shoes
Retweeted by Bree Essrig
I always thought it was called "queefing". pic.twitter.com/yNpsm1s5uQ
When I grow up I wanna be a baby.
@JaySear: Bree, I made this for you! Sith, or Jedi? Which will you choose? :D pic.twitter.com/FNhjBGYKzK” HOLYSHITBALLZ, I DON'T KNOW!!!
I'm good at shitting on joy. #tbt
My rap game has gotten STRONG! Example: Used to be Hooked on Phonics, Now I'm hooked on tonics (water).
EARTHQUAKE!!!! Get prepared! www.quakecottage.com #QuakeCottage #EarthquakeSimulator
"I have a very special relationship with Jesus Christ." Ew, quit name-dropping.
After I go out this door, I may only exist in the minds of all my acquaintances. I may be an orange peel.
Retweeted by Bree Essrig
Langston Hughes: Hey, I had the craziest dream last night, want to hear it? Everyone: NO!
Hoping this is some sort of Pleasantville situation that takes me straight into the classic family film, Alladin. So much sand. So much FUN!
Hoping this is some sort of Pleasantville situation that takes me straight into Alladin. No wait, that'd be shitty. pic.twitter.com/6d8gMhG4lB
It's a problem.
"It's not red, it's Crimson Glow." #MySoCalledLife
Eating Tinkerbell. She tastes like a lampshade.
But, like, how hot is my sister?! #NationalSiblingDay
She even bakes.
My dad just called to tell me that he ate 4 cans of alphabet soup and then took a massive "vowel" movement. Ugh, he's the BEST!
@SamSchacher: Get 20% off your favorite Wick[ed] Candles NOW. Enter Code: SPRING FEVER pic.twitter.com/wh9m11RHGL” DAY FREAKIN MADE!!!
Bathtubs are the original water beds.
#GirlsLoveGuysWho softly whistle whale noises into their ear all night long.