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Bree Essrig
"TELL ME I'M PRETTY!" New episode of Dr. 1up! Check it!…
all you can eat. 🍣.
Sisters first, '90s escorts second. #tbt
*surrounded by friends & family, she takes her last dying breath* Pumpkin *gasps* isn't even *gasps* a spice *gasps* you fucking assholes.
It's always "sweater weather" when your heart is as cold and dead as mine is.
why don't you make like a tree and eat a bunch of kites
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FROZEN PARODY collab with @TheBrookeMarks and @BreeEssrig has hit 700,000 views! 1 Million here we come!…
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Walt is SUCH a G!
Gettin' sauced, bro!
*tucks erection into waistband of pants*
Who called them cockroaches and not MY MOTHER IN-LAW?!?!? HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA *sighs* Yep, still single...
*Batman voice* Mmm Costco samples...
mom: no TV for a week! dad: and after you take a bath you can't use your hands to get out of the tub *sons jaw drops* mom: [whispers] nice
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"..all the king's horses & all the king's men couldn't get Humpty together again" *raises hand* What guy thought horses might figure it out?
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People that use Q-tips ten times a day are being ear responsible.
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Bb, I can't fight dis feelinnn any longerrrrrrr
Can't fight dis feelin any longerrrrrr 💊💊💊💊
scary carrie dyed her hairy 👻
Episode 2 of DR. 1UP is out on @Machinima's Prime channel! Janet's got some major crazy going on. Uh oh...check it:…
Go ahead, mate with someone who wears glasses, add to the degradation of our eyesight as a species. Not like there are bears we need to spot
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You can laugh at my fanny pack all you want, but my team raised over $600 for #NAMI (aka the National Alliance on Mental Illness)! Thank you to everyone who donated, and a very special thank you to @aarzi & @MikeEssrig for walking with me today! #FightTheStigma
Thnx to @sWooZ1e @BreeEssrig & @OmNomDomz for the awesome voiceovers. Watch 'em kill it in MIDDLE SCHOOL DANCES:…
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Are we even surprised?
Not a huge fan of magazines, but my #womancrushwednesday is featured in @GlamourMag, so obviously, I had to purchase. Go visit to find out about all of the amazing things this young woman is doing, and how you can get involved! #MalalaYousafsai #Hero✌️
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch
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*uses my one phone call in jail on a radio request*
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"This is the longest thing that's ever existed, can we wrap it up," I say 15 seconds into anything
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I prefer the treadmill over the elliptical. It muffles the farts.
Uh oh, looks like my summer tan wore off! JK WHAT TAN?! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahaha am I right?! Hahahaahahahahahahahahaha *vomits*
Growing up, I was conditioned to believe that my self-worth was defined by how well I could "please" men. WATCH THIS:
I can't open my mouth any wider than this 😩🍏
You should try posting a "someone elsie"
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Genius lawn ornament! Take a book, leave a book. I want to hug whoever came up with these!
Just realized that emojis are modern-day hieroglyphs. THAT'S SOME DOPE-ASS HISTORY REPEATIN ITS DAMN SELF!
Got to shoot with @CharneyComedy today! Yasssss! 👴👴👩
Pssssh, PRETTY sure I know how the cool kids are cutting their gloves these dayz...
Psssh, PRETTY sure I know how the cool kids are cuttin' their gloves these days...
Finally got to shoot with #CharneyComedy today! Can't wait for you guys to see it! 👴👩
Yo moms, pass me dat BLUUUUUNT! 🌟
solicitously fingers top button of flannel "do you ever just want to go online?"
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And then Chris Martin crashed the Kings of Leon concert. LIKE A FUCKING ASSHOLE!
So...I left this note to myself last night while I was on some mighty strong painkillers. #wisdomteethwisdom
So...just found a note that I left to myself last night after taking some mighty strong pain killers...HAHAHA #wisdomteethwisdom